Everything Is A Threat.
I recently just found out that i have panic disorder, it all started when i had a bad experience in january with my friends, they decided to go buy some pot and we smoked it... after about 10 minutes or so i started having a really bad trip. I wanted to call an ambulance. But ever since ive had these panic attacks, i wished theyd just go away, im not a bad kid, i just made a bad choice and now i have to suffer with this. I feel trapped sometimes. I worry about the smallest things killing me, i always get pains throughout my entire body, the doctor put me on clonazopam( i was on zoloft for a day and i found out that i am allergic) as needed and it seems to help but when i dont take it i feel like im a mess, i have terrible mood swings, i feel angry 99.9 percent of the time, and i take it out on my boyfriend of 2 years, and at the same time i know what im doing and i know i shouldnt be doing it but my mind wont let me stop it. I have been seeing a therapist and its not really helped yet, i constantly worry about my health now, i worry about strokes, blood clots, brain tumors, and much more. IM ONLY 18! I should be living my life and i feel controlledd by all of this stress suddenly placed upon me. I hate it, i sometimes hate myself because of it. but i know its not completely my fault, seeing that my dad does have this disorder too. I just never would want to place this upon someone, not even my worst enemy. To me everything poses a threat to my health, mind and me period. its hard to deal with. :( and I hope some of you that have struggled with it longer can give me some advice. it would be greatly appreciated<3