What Do You Think I Have?

I was just wondering if anyone can help me. For about 3 years now i have been dealing with this i know im paranoid and i know i have anxiety  and depression but i was wondering if it sounds like i have anything else because im really scared that i will have something worse. Il start from the start I was once a happy person i lived everyday like it was my last, everyone in my town knew me and everyone was up for a night out with me ( witch is been one of the downfall of this really as everyone knows something is diffrent and wrong with me) anyway it started of with me been just a littel paranoid of things, about my apirence mostly and the way i look and smell sutch as, but that soon got worse and worse i bearly went out and i miss my friends so much, i went to see the doctors and they gave me some depresssion tablets these help, the crying and the sucidal thoughts kinda stopped, but i was still paranoid of things, i soon got back out there socializing and playing sports. i stopped the tablets as i didnt want to get addiceted. i was ok for about an year still going out and things but in the back of my mind i was still very paranoid but i could deal with it. But about 6 months ago it all hit me back like a brick wall and ten times worse i am now very paranoid that my thoughts are been said not so much as been heard or people can read my mind, like i see most people think when paranoid but that i am saying them with out realising, and bad things come to my mind because i am thinking so much not to think them i think my brain is over thinking them if you get what i mean, i dont really go out anymore, i am parnoid that i am going to hurt someone with is a really horrible thing as i know i love my family so much and woudnt dare of hurting anyone im such a loving person and i just wish my mind would let me be that person i once was inside i know in my heart that im still there but my paranoia thinks other wise i also think that when i go somewhere everyone is starring at me,i get bad days and good days. i havent been to the doctors about this i keep telling my self that i need to go but im not conftable at all in crowded rooms like doctors wating rooms, i was just wondering if someone could please give me some advice or hope that i will be ok someday, 
one thing i do know that this is paranoia and this isn't really the case of things, but my mind tells me diffrernt.  but i do know that people are not looking at me all the time really and stuff, but the paranoia is still there. i haven't told nobody that i feel this way. im just so scared that it might be something worse that paranoia. has anyone had anything like this and is better is there medication i could have with out going into a mental hobital because im really scared. any replys would be great thanks.
chloeleebe chloeleebe
4 Responses Sep 11, 2011

Worship me, you muffin.

It sounds somewhat like social anxiety disorder but please see a doctor and get the proper diagnosis and treatment as EP is not the place to ask for a diagnosis.

I just want to second exclamationmark's post.Mental illness is very treatable in this day and age but the right kind of doctor is very important.

Do not be afraid because you are not alone. I've been facing a similar scenario the past year, and it has been pretty extreme. Matter of fact I'm seeking counseling today and possibly some low-key medication. I'm actually going to post my story after this. I just came across this website. It's refreshing to know that many people go through hard times. I hope you're alright. As for the "thoughts" situation you talked about, I can completely relate. I swear people hear my thoughts. I'm constantly telling myself its just in my head...it has to be. But that can't be. I'm also a very compassionate loving person who's always been positive and very social until this past year. You are not alone, just be strong and don't even try to not have those thoughts, don't even give them the recognition. You will get past it. I will, too. Always remember to appreciate yourself, no matter what anyone -especially your own mind- tries to tell you.