The Relief Of Finally Knowing! Sort Of...When my doctor diagnosed me with Pcos, it was almost a relief to finally know what was wrong. When I first started getting my period at 13ish they were beyond (BEYOND) painful and I would miss school several days because of them. But because I got period so infrequently (I'm talking twice a year), I purposely pushed it out of my mind. I concluded that if it really was a big deal my mother would take me to the doctor and she never did. I always reasoned that it was because my diet or lack of nutritious food. Not to say that I gorged myself on junk food but growing up in a single parent household, dinner regularly consist of top ramen or spaghetti with ketchup. This denial persisted until I got to college where it was pressed upon me by my roommates that my predicament really wasn’t that normal or healthy.
When the school physician suggested that I had Pcos, I was really surprised because I don't suffer from many of the more obvious symptoms like facial hair, acne, overweight, and skin darkening. However, I did have the infrequent/painful periods, and record of depression. Oh and let me point out that while I am not overweight and my bmi is within normal level, I have always been “fat” compared to the amount of exercise that I do. While other friend’s weight would yo-yo in relation to their exercise level my weight would be consistent whether I ran everyday or just vegged on the couch. I always found this incredibly strange; does anyone else have a similar situation?
At first my tests came back borderline to negative so they ordered an ultra sound and that was when I was positively diagnosed. I think the scariest comment I have ever heard came from the ultra sound technician and it was too the effect of "those are some big cysts." ****!
At first I was Angry!
Angry that I would never be skinny like my fellow athletes!
Angry that my mother never paid attention to such an obvious problem!
Angry that that I have to work extra hard for something that should be so biologically basic!
Angry, Angry, Angry!!!!
I wanted to smite god down from heaven and demand to know why!
Although it was hard to swallow, over time I think I have come to terms. I have come to accept the fact that it will be more difficult for me than other women to get pregnant. Not impossible, just more difficult. And while it has taken a year; I think I can finally see the bright side of my "syndrome", not most of the time mind you, but sometimes. For one, it's basically impossible for me to accidentally get pregnant. Secondly and more importantly it has helped sort out the "boys from the men", so to speak. If the man I am going to spend the rest of my life with can’t deal with some trial and tribulation than I don’t want him!
Currently I am taking birth control to manage my symptoms. The first three I tried made my depression worse but this one (Yaz) doesn’t seem to be so harsh. I’m not sure how I feel about this form of medication but it seems to be working. I know that I’m lucky in that my body is less insulin resist than most and that I do not have a high risk of getting diabetes. I also know this is due in part to the fact that I exercise like a maniac and I vow to continue in that path. I haven’t told my boyfriend or my mother yet but I’m thinking about it. I now see a counselor once a week and that helps more than you could possibly imagine. All in all, things could be worse.
I hope my story brings comfort to those who have been recently diagnosed. It’s not the end of the word!!! Although it may feel that way ; )