I Know That I Have The Disorder, But I Believe Faith In God Is The Difference Between Conceiving And Not Conceiving

I am 20 years old and I was diagnosed with this disorder at the very end of my senior year in highschool at age 18. I was told that it would be extremely hard for me to conceive having this disorder, and that being overweight was one of the main issues and the difference between rather I will conceive by losing and lessening symptoms like not ovulating and the cysts going away. I do believe and know that this is true and that losing weight will probably be my only great chance of conceiving as the majority of my life I have stayed within the ranges of my ideal weight size for my height and age. I gained over fourty lbs being in foster care at the age of 16 when being put in different homes, and got to 170 lbs. I have a lot of muscle and am solid so most people generally think I am always 20-25 lbs smaller than what I actually am. So even though 170 is "big" for most women, I did not look like most that are only 5'2 (at that time). I looked more like 145 lbs. Although everbody around me encouraged me that I didnt need to lose weight because I never looked big, the fact still remains that is a large size for my height and internally, my body agreed as I started suffering from some of the symptoms (though very mildly at first). The funny thing is, I know that studies show most women with it have excessive hair growth and what not, but I still to this day, have never grown a single inch of hair on my legs or arms. I had a hair growth under my chin which is the same reoccuring single strand that continues to come once a month today. I know many women are different and have different symptoms but it was very hard to rule out there was something wrong with me before as I never missed a period and had always had very regular periods until after the foster mom I was with at age 16, in fear of me having sex, took me to get the depovera shot (ignorant to the fact I had the disorder). I had maintained 170 lbs for a long time until after the shot in which I then got over 200 lbs. I ended up in a residential home shortly after having only 2 doses (took every 3 monthsw) in which after discontinuing, I didnt have a period for a little over 18 months. I told my dr this was not normal even though I know the shot can prolong a period after quiting, but that was extremely to long for me to not have a period. My sernior year at age 18, I was getting ready to have to get that same shot again by the force of a different foster mom, for the same reason, but this time, before being able to get the shot, the OBGYN to whom I was new patient to, did an ultra sound and checked me out before I was able to get the shot. He took such a long time to come in the room when I had to be back at school for finals, I was so upset (foster mother had a granddaughter that was also a patient of his and told me it only took 20 minutes most times). He asked me had I recently gained a lot of weight and if I'd ever taking any birth control method that had to be injected or implanted. He immediately told me after I answered yes, about the PCOS in which I was freaked out and scared. I was not mad he told me I would have trouble conceiving as I was not considering having children no where near that time. Well now I am about to get married and am the biggest I have ever been. My fiance really wants kids and I am in fear that we will struggle having kids. I am currently 270 lbs. and I need to really lose this weight. It just makes me sad that normal women, weight is not also an obstacle in the way of conceiving, because now I have to lose weight first which may take a while and then try. Even if I could get pregnant big, I dont want to, because of the risk factors women with PCOS automatically have such as still birth, miscarriages, premature birth, gestastional diabetes, and immediately being classified high risk. I dont want to have a scary hard, pregancy with many complications, but not being able to give my husband children right away makes me weary. I need support and help from women experiencing the same thing, and from women who have succesfully conceived and successfully rided themselves of symptoms. I feel that God may have let this be a challenge for me, so I would not end up a statistic and a teenage mother, so in a way I look at it as a blessing. But now,  I am doing the right thing and getting married, so I believe God may bless me to give me the strength to lose this weight, or to conceive the way I am now maybe even, even though for my own safety I think its best not too. Any women out there who can relate?
Cute2bitsweet Cute2bitsweet
18-21
May 5, 2012