Everyday It's There

I have read many stories in here and it is really comforting to know that there are others out there besides me with PC. And all the stories I can definitely relate to! I am fixing to be 21 now and had had this since about 11. My mom was the first to discover my condition. When she went to pat me on the chest she noticed that bump that was sticking out. I didn't even realize it was there that morning. I couldn't even tell you how long it had been like that. Like many had said it just seems though it happened overnight.

From there on my social life has definitely had its ups and downs. When I was younger it seemed to not bother me as much. Even though I stilled didn't take off my shirt while swimming, I just ignored it. Of course when Jr. High came I was in PE class so changing clothes for me was always the worst nightmare. Some how I managed to hide it from everyone. I am not the most athletic person and not gifted in any sports but I use to enjoy playing soccer, basketball, etc. with friends. But i don't do any of that stuff now. The problem with me is that I am tall and lean (5'10 120lbs.) which makes it more noticeable. I have tried lifting weights and eating more to gain some weight but it is just not in my genes to do so. Plus with my pc it is a big discouragement to continue with exercising. No matter what I wear I am always thinking of "Do my chest show". What makes it hard is that I live in the South were it is always hot. During the winter it doesn't bother me because all the heavy clothing hides it. So usually I have a pretty active social in the winter. But since that only lasts a couple of months in the south I always dread the warmer temperatures.

I know you are not suppose to care of what others think of you but it is hard to do that. I have seen a surgeon before back in 2004. The only thing that I really remember of what he said was that the only thing he could do was to just saw some of the bone away to make it look less noticeable. I did not do a lot of research on it back then and I don't if the doctor even knew really what to do. Writing this story makes me think back to all the times I have rejected going out to places because of my chest. Only a few people know in my family and none of my friends know. I know that if I told my friends they would give me weird looks at first but later really wouldn't care. Only a few times at school has anyone ever discovered my PC by bumping me in the chest. Of course when they asked questions about it I just told them lies and changed the subject fast.

I would love to get the surgery done but I am just really scared of taking the first step to get the ball going again. I don't like to bring it up to my parents and haven't talked about it in a long time. But of course I would hope that my insurance would cover it too because my family does not have all the money in the world. I wish I could live a happy normal life with this but know I never will. I know I could be far worse and have a hundred other problems with me. Every night before I go to bed I always hope I will wake up the next morning it everything be ok...............but that hasn't worked in 10 years.
ptm19 ptm19
18-21, M
Apr 24, 2012