"throobie"

i bet you're super confused about the title.. haha well, its a long story.

to start off, i have pectus carinatum.. an awkward diformity that causes daily psychological, and sometimes physical, pain.  i call it my "throob", or "third boob", because when i suck in my stomach, and make the deformity pertrude even more than it already does, its almost as if i have a third boob. from other stories ive heard, alot of people have this bump in the middle of their chest, mine however, is lower. if you think about a bra, and the very front middle part that connects the cups, thats where mine is located.  parts of it are constantly red, or bumpy, or irratated, thanks to my bra rubbing on it 24/7, and trying to find a good bathing suit that has a thick enough strap to cover it is so hard!  im a very skinny, fit girl who works hard to maintain my body, but it sucks so much to know that, despite all my hard work, i still have this GIANT bump distracting people from the rest of my body.  i feel like this diformity has driven me to insanity sometimes, going a whole day with just eating an apple and a juice box, hoping that my size 0 jeans with distract the public from looking at it.  my boyfriend of almost a year knows about it, allong with all of my close friends, and they all say the same thing, "its not that bad"..... well im glad that when i go to the doctor and ask them about it, their reaction is, "wow, that really is big!" its the comments like that and strange looks and questions i get that make me wanna just punch it back into my body.  everyday i press on it as hard as i can, hoping that im creating some sort of self brace that will suck it back into my body.. doubt its working.  ive always tried to imagine what my body would look like without my throob, but i just cant. i dont even know what normal is anymore.  its constantly on my mind, torturing and taunting me, saying, "you have a great body.. except for me" i hate going to the beach and laying on my back to tan, thats the worst. ive been laying by the pool during sb and have noticed people walk by and stare at me like im some sort of freak show with some crazy alien thats about to pop outta my sternum.  ive researched surgeries and braces and excersizes to help it, but i feel like all that stuff is too late.  i can see that brace helping if your young, and your body is still growing, but im 18 now and im pretty sure my body is done growing.  its as if that bastard popping out from my chest will never get better, but can always get worse.  i never really noticed it when i was younger, but ever since high school, its become much more noticeable.  i cant even arch my back without someone asking me what that lump is popping out.  and to make matters worse, i have bunions too. bunions bigger than old womens'.  maybe id feel a little better about myself if people didnt point them out. my dad has even asked me what those "bumps" are on my feet.  why did god have to curse me with all these embarrassing problems?? i cry just about every day, thinking of how much happier id be if i didnt have either of these mutations.  im just such a boney person.. bones sticking out of my chest, bones sticking out of my feet, why cant i be normal?!  my mom has finally agreed to take me in to at least get rid of the bunions, but she always says that theres probablly nothing i can do about the pectus carinatum. im sick of these unusual deformities! i want to be able to wear strappy sandles and a skimpy string bikini without peole questioning me.  most of my friends think its "cool" or "unique", some have even asked me to send them pictures so they can show their friends! I AM NOT A FREAK SHOW FOR EVERYONE TO POINT AND LAUGH AT.  im just so glad i found this site so i can vent and see other peoples stories. im just greatful im not alone.  if there are any other GIRLS out there with this problem, send me your comments! its nice to be able to talk to someone that understands your frusteration and discomfort :]

peace. love. and throobs. ;]

kalpal327 kalpal327
18-21, F
4 Responses Feb 28, 2010

I'm 23 and femaie as well. I wish I had excavatum because it's so much easier to fix. I've been multiple times to the Children's Hospital of the King's Daughters in Norfolk, VA. We have discussed surgery however they said I should try the brace first. I started using one kind of the brace when I was 21 but that ended up screwing it up more. When I went to CHKD they gave me a MUCH better brace. If you are going to consider getting a brace or surgery, you should definitely go there. They invented the new surgery which is less invasive, where instead of the cutting away parts of the ribs by the sternum, they insert a steel bar and attach it to the sides of your ribs to permanently pull the sternum back, which stays in for about 2 years. That is the place to go. Also, you are not too old. If you can still push it in, and there is flexibility, you are okay! Unfortunately I am 23 and my chest has pretty much hardened so I think the new surgery is out of the question. The brace is much too uncomfortable and painful to wear so I have pretty much just stopped wearing it. I wish all of these braces and surgeries were available years ago but they weren't. However you have the opportunity to take advantage of your young skeleton and get it fixed! My parents knew how self conscious I was about my PC (I can't even begin to count the amount of times I've cried over it). My mom always tells me, it could be worse, I could have cancer, which in turn makes me feel even worse because I think I'm being selfish. Your feelings are real. Do something about it! research research research!

You are young just need to brace your pectus carinatum. <br />
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Pectus Services

Check out my post. It may help you.

I can completely relate to all you have written here. Pectus Carinatum is the rarest of chest deformities and effects males 80% of the time, so I have found there are few females who can truly empathize with this condition. Personally I have been teetering back and forth between having thoughts of self hatred and anxiety completely rule my brain and moments of acceptance of my body just the way it is. That being said, there are still options. I would not recommend the brace because I tried it at 24 and it was too excruciatingly painful to tolerate for more than 2 hours at a time never mind the 23 hours per day suggested for successful results. To my knowledge, there is no age restriction on surgery but I am hesitant to incapacitate myself for almost a month after having paid at least $2,000 (which is the minimum if my insurance chooses to cover the procedure which is unlikely). The option I have been considering most lately is breast augmentation, which obviously will not cure the defect but will hopefully mask it enough that I will be able to find a bra/swimsuit/shirt/dress that fits and can be both comfortable and flattering. Instead of having a ‘third boob’ my sternum is currently the furthest protruding point on my chest. <br />
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As for your feet, it is funny you should mention that because I have been embarrassed by hammertoes for years, although I don’t so much mind them today, and lately have been wondering if I have Marfan’s Syndrome (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Marfan_syndrome).