The Vendor

I thought we ought to have some fun here for a change so I thought I might tell some funny stories here.

This takes place in 1984 on a job I was on in N.Carolina.I was crew coordinator not having yet gotten to the position I hold today.Our manager was off this particular day and the foreman had to go to a meeting in his place leaving me in charge.I was at my desk doing some paper work when the vendor came in.

The vendor was a local guy we bought janitorial supplies from and a major pain as far as I was concerned.He walked up to me and wanted to know where the foreman was.Just the way he spoke pissed me off and I told him,if he had wanted you to know he would have told you.Uninvited he took his hard hat off and sat down.About then our office lady walked in and said I was needed in the warehouse.I told the vendor out you go and headed to the warehouse.I was only gone five minutes and when I came back I saw the vendor's hat was still in the chair.I went to ask our office lady where he was and she said in the restroom.Standing at the door to her office my eye was caught by the coffe pot and the supplies there with it.Somehow my mind instantly formed an evil plot.I picked up the jug of powdered coffee creamer.Taking it back to my desk I poured a generous amount into the vendor's hat.I shook it down so it could not be seen.Putting the jug back where it belonged I was talking with the office lady when the vendor returned.He picked up his hat and put it on.A rush of powder came spilling out all over him.Unbelievably the idiot did not even notice.As soon as the door closed behind him we exploded laughing.Little did we know the fun had only started.

The vendor went to his truck and headed for the gate.He had to stop at security to sign out.Going into the guard shack apparently he noticed the powder on him.(from this point on I have to rely on the vendor's own acount of events).(and believe me only someone as stupid as he was would tell on themselves). Entering the guard shack he was brushing powder off. The guard asked what are you doing?The vendor told him he had something on him and was knocking it off.Well ******* it don't make a mess in here.The guard walked over to the vendor  and asked what is that stuff.**** I don't know but my skin is starting to itch.Holy **** I've got it all over me,it's even in my pants.Taking a look the guard(forever bless him)said that looks like cement.****!My skin is burning.Man get out of here and get that off you the guard told him.In a panic the vendor jumps in his truck and heads for the emergency room.He bangs through the door screaming for help.My skin is on fire and I've got cement all over me.A nurse comes to help him and they ***** him right there in the main room.Taking him down the hall stark naked they put him in a shower.After a good fifteen minutes in the shower another nurse comes to check on him.Unbelievably this nurse is the vendor's wife.She tells him to come on out he's going to be alright.What did I have on me what,what?You dummy somebody poured coffe creamer in your hat.Instantly he knew who and that he had been had.From then on he was very careful about coming to the warehouse and kept a close eye out for me.The entire crew was let in on the joke and they rode him until our job there was done.

As a final insult two days later after all the details of the caper were in.I placed a sign by the coffee area saying:IF USING CREAMER PLEASE PUT ON RUBBER GLOVES


traveler traveler
51-55, M
7 Responses Jan 13, 2007

Oh my goodness

u spelt COFFEE wrong it has TWO "E"s

u spelt COFFEE wrong it has TWO "E"s

Yep coffee creamer is very flamable so I am sure it burns. Glad nobody lit a match. lol

Coffee creamer burns the skin? What's in that stuff? I shall never, ever put it in my coffee again.

Oh very good! I laughed out loud when I read how he put his hat on without noticing the creamer! 10 points for containing your laughter until he got out the door, I couldn't have done it. does that stuff really burn? I'm from down under and we only have milk to put in our coffee, never seen a powder to add. Oh and when I read 'coffee pot' I was so happy the joke wasn't about someone peeing in it. Thanks for that ha ha.