Dangerous Doughnuts

This caper takes place in Birmingham,Alabama a little over six years ago.

The particular job we were doing was in an urban area which was a little different than most.Being in the city we had access to more things than we usually did.Travel to and from the job site was less and this added to our free time.As logistics manager I had a regular apartment and my wife even came and stayed for a while.As I got to know the neighborhood I became a regular customer at a local bakery.Once a week I would buy three dozen assorted doughnuts and take them out for my crew.

One member of my crew got into the habit of being first one to get the doughnuts and would go through them picking out ones with filling.This got to be annoying to everyone and I decided he needed an ettiquitte lesson.

Going to the bakery one morning I asked the baker if he could make me a couple of special treats for my pal.He assured me it would be no problem and said they would be ready when I came in for my regular order.In one doughnut I had the baker put a chocolate filling made with exlax and the other was stuffed with hot mustard.

The baker put my treats in a seperate sack and I was on the way with my plan set.Going into my office carrying the doughnuts my intended victim was right on my heels waiting to take his pick.I casually handed him the sack with "special" treats in it.Here try these I said.I told him the baker was trying out some new recipes and I really didn't want any doughnuts that day.Making sure he got the one with the chocolate filling first I sat back and waited for the fun to begin.He took a huge bite smiling and licking at the doctored filling.Barely chewing it he gulped down that bite and began sucking the the filling out of the middle.He finished the doughnut in two minutes and I asked how it was.Pretty good he said but the filling had kind of a funny taste.Well try the other one I said I promised to tell the baker how I liked them.I had to pretend to be looking at something as he reached for the sack with the second treat.Watching from the corner of my eye he chomped on to a mouthful of pastry and hot mustard.I think he must have about half swallowed before the sensation hit him.UUUUUUUhhhhhh came out and he looked frantically for a place to spit.He ran out the door and spit out the special filling the baker had provided.Coughing and hacking he ran for the water fountain.Having anticipated this action I had cut it off the night before.In a panic now he ran to the restroom and stuck his face under the tap.All this activity had by now drawn quite a crowd and about twenty of us stood and watched as he tried to quench the fire in his mouth.He took several minutes in the restroom (a place he would be well acquainted with later that day)before he came out still panting.By now everyone was laughing and of course giving our friend plenty of advice.He went outside and tried to get away from the scene but it was useless as the guys followed him and invited him to have doughnuts with them.

Later that day my foreman came in and told me our friend had had a tough day.It seems his digestive system had been very active and he had had to interrupt his work several times to attend the call of nature.

Though he never came and said a word to me about what had been done the next week when I brought doughnuts in he declined saying them things are dangerous.  

traveler traveler
51-55, M
2 Responses Feb 17, 2007

:'D I did that to my brother once except i put in expired blue cheese, he was throwing up all night

Haha. Serve him right for picking over the doughnuts. I laughed a lot about you cutting off the water fountain the night before. It was very funny but that was extra mean of you, you know, to think of doing that. I bet he NEVER touched a doughnut again.