I Think I Have Pmdd, Why Did It Take Me This Long To Know About This?

Now, you have to understand that I'm not big on doctor visits (partly because I have no insurance and I don't make a lot of money) and so I have never been diagnosed by a doctor, but I'm pretty handy with the DSM and I recognize the symptoms of bipolar disorder, which I know makes me more likely to have PMDD.

I've always been extremely irritable before my period and during. I sometimes snap at people for nothing and I seem to be in a perpetually black mood for days on end. Some days I'm extremely depressed and most of the days I have horrible insomnia, the kind of thing where you lay awake in bed for hours just thinking about all the mistakes and missed opportunities I've had. It's terrible and makes my life a living hell for a week out of every month.

Today was one of my worst episodes to date. On occasion I have gotten very angry with my sister or parents, but usually I get over it quickly. Today while at work (luckily I have a job where I have very little contact with people) I began to get more and more angry. It was a level of anger I have NEVER experienced before. I felt like I wanted to kill someone and for absolutely no reason at all, very little of anything annoying had happened that day at work. Before my ride home got there I was muttering to myself, yelling at inanimate objects and nearly inflicting property and physical damage. I literally have bruises on my arms and hands from punching walls in my office and slamming against windows.

The first thing I did when I got in the car with my dad (and when I got home and my sister was there) was to tell them that I literally could not control my actions and they needed to think before speaking to me, because I felt like I was not in control of myself. I felt like something was inside me, possessing me and causing this to happen.
It was one of the most frightening things that has ever happened to me.

Once I got home I got in the shower and ended up sobbing at one moment and bruising myself by punching the tiles.

Now I'm okay, but wondering if I should even go to work tomorrow. If I have another fit like I had today I honestly worry for my safety and the safety of my costumers. If someone even mildly annoys me I feel like I might throttle them.

What are some remedies that you all here would recommend for me? I'm not a fan of anti-depressants, but I might be willing to take birth control of some sort or natural remedies.
What has worked for you in the past?


MeredithAncret MeredithAncret
18-21, F
2 Responses Jul 15, 2010

I ALSO HAVE THOSE FEELINGS THAT YOU ARE EXPERIENCING, DONT WORRY YOU ARE NOT ALONE. ABOUT 2 WEEKS OF THE MONTH I FEEL SO ANGRY ALL THE TIME IRRITABLE WITH EVERYONE AROUND ME AND THE FEELINGS OF DESPAIR AND SORROW THAT I FEEL OVERWHELMS ME, IT SCARES ME SOMETIMES. I SOMETIMES GET SO ANGRY THAT IM AFRAID THAT I WILL LASH OUT I CANT SEEM TO CONTROL MY EMOTIONS, BUT BEING DIAGNOSED BY MY DOCTOR, I FELT A SENSE OF RELIEF THAT SOMEONE BELIEVES YOU WHEN YOU THINK THAT YOU ARE GOING CRAZY. IVE BEEN ON A BIRTH CONTROL INJECTION THAT CONTROLS YOUR HORMONES FOR ABOUT 2 MONTHS, I FEEL SLIGHTLY BETTER BUT I HAVE STILL A LONG WAY TO GO BEFORE I FEEL LIKE MYSELF AGAIN. WHY NOT MAKE AN APPOINTMENT WITH YOUR DOCTOR AND TELL THEM HOW YOU ARE FEELING IT CANT DO ANY HARM CAN IT,LET ME KNOW HOW YOU GET ON TAKE CARE.

Diagnosing yourself is the biggest problem, not the symptoms. You know you need help and that is a good start. There are free legal medical services, if you are willing to listen and follow through, but I do not think you will. Why, because so far you have be able to get away with it, causing harm to yourself. Your job, or law will jump in soon enough, so be pro-active, as you already wrote to EP, now get help.