It's A Tough Road...

Hi all...

Nothing I write here is going to sound very new or different...but it is a relief to find a forum about this.

I have suffered from PMDD for over 20 years I believe - and in retrospect, if I had known all about this in my early 20s, I am sure I would handled things differently - saving myself from multiple broken relationships and leaving jobs that might have been very good for me in the long run.

I am not going to rave on for hours - but the worst part of it (apart from the duration - which for me is anywhere between 10 - 14 days a month- half my life if you will) is the rage and anxiety. In equal measures, it is a nightmare - and the worst part is, that even with the recogintion of what it is at the back of my mind when so angry - it feels very hard to lassoo it in.

Every little thing is a cause for angst, irritation..verging on paranoia sometimes - My partner has said to me in the past that I enjoy creating drama - which I categorically do not - he knows more now and trys to give me some rope....but the fury I seem to have to combat every month is hard on him, understandably.

I cannot describe it other than a feeling of overwhelming disarray - anger, distress, out of control, despair. Once my period kicks in - maybe 3 days after this all dissolves into utter exhaustion and numbness, then two weeks or relativel normalacy.

I have tried the intermittant SSR path - which did very little (although I am now considering giving this another go) - or a hysterectomy, although most doctors I have approached wouldnt dream of assisting with such a thing.

Last night was one of the worst episodes I can recall on record - my partner and I raged at each other during the day (him reacting to my unreasonableness I am sure) over what seems to be such small matters in hindsight - resulting in him leaving to spend the night with friendsm, which drove me into further "craziness"....and a relatively new ****** thing: fear......
I cried and wandered the house not knowing where to put myself or what to do with myself.....I decided the safest thing was to crawl unde the doona and try and just black it all out -which worked thankfully (thank god I didnt get in my car and drive over there....I shudder to think of the upset and subsequent embarrassment that would have caused everyone...)

It is truly like living with Dr Jekyll....I look back on how I react just prior to my period and am constantly horrified..and tired, sad...and bewildered......- it is not who I am, and yet it is.

I wouldnt wish it on anyone....which is exactly what my mother said to me several years ago.

Good thing I don't have daughters I think.....

kke70 kke70
1 Response Aug 7, 2010

hi i too have suffered with this awful condition it truly is like being a jekyl and hyde character. i sometimes thought that i was going crazy, i actually at one point was going to sign myself in to a mental hospital, i was that desperate. my doctor at first said that i had depression and send me away with antideppresants, but i knew that i didnt feel like this all the time, just once or twice a month. so i just carried on with the manic eposodes and it nearly ruined my marraige and my relationship with my son. i went back to a different doctor [a woman doctor] and she put me on a hormonal birth control injection which last every 3 months., my moods have improved a lot not 100 per cent but i no longer feel as if im going crazy.