Desperate Man

I am going through a horrible situation right now. My wife kicked me out of the house (she says I left) and this time isn't wanting me back and it is almost time for her next 'episode'. She always brought me home in a day or two before. A lot went crazy this last time with me telling her I was going to fight for custody and so forth. But she blames ME for ALL of it. I want to fight for my marriage but she is distancing herselffrom everyone. She keeps telling me she "needs time" and all that stuff. Her emotions seem all over and this time she really isn't trying to bring me back. It is like pulling teeth to get her to say "I love you" to me. She just keeps saying she needs time, she "needs to go talk to someone about how I have hurt HER"???? I believe somewhat that she is a basket case inside and is all messed up but won't admit it. I am positive she has pmdd and/or some other disorder that exacerbates her cycle. How is she being so strong this time? This is killing myself and our 5 year old son. When I try to talk to her it is almost like she can't stand focusing a thought on it. I don't want to be a fool and believe her hormones are causing all this and that she really does love me. i am afraid she has just stopped. She always came after me before but this time it as though she has no more love for me. I need to know if there will be more times that she reaches out to me. I have lost all confidence in that. What if she DOES get her pmdd controlled and then the "real her" doesn't love me at all? Will she reach out again????? I am desperate. i need to speak with someone who has pmdd. Nobody else seems to understand. i am trying to believe that this is her hormones and that she is just so week and down and will again need me like she always did before. Can she suddenly be so strong and be able just to throw me out. What happens to a woman who decides she is completely done with her man during a pmdd bout. is she suddenly strong enough??? if I only KNEW it was her hormones/pmdd I could be strong. If not I guess she really no longer loves me? Help me!!!! Anyone with pmdd??? Sorry for the terrible grammar. I am a mess. I believe this has caused many problems throughout her life. But if it really is her hormones, and I can be sure of that, I won't give up on her.
ript ript
6 Responses May 19, 2012

I read with heartfelt compassion and interest comments that other "poor buggers " who live with their very much loved and adored partner who has PMDD .

I to am at my wits end right at this very moment as I sit excumunicted from my gorgeous partner once AGAIN ( that's been once or twice every month for 4 years '10 months at one stage ) and writing this, as I need some one to lift me up for once . I never thought in my wildest dreams that I would actually ever write something like this in an open forum but I'm desperate .
I know as much as one can know about PMDD and living with a partner who suffers from it . ( well, as much as any man who personally can't and doesn't have the awful disorder can )

I just can't take much more ,now I feel like I want to die myself and am feeling really really low and hated . I need a hand here from anyone ,ANY ONE who may be able to help me and sweetheart . I know I sound so lame asking for help but I can't live like this I feel so lonely and devastated ( worst ever TODAY) and God only knows I have felt bad on so many many occasions in the past 4,odd years.

And that's not to say I don't have the utmost compassion and love for my poor partner who has to continually go through this every bloody month .

I don't want to sound like I'm saying that what me and her daughter go throug in these episodes is anywhere as bad as this poor girl has to put up with and the mental anguish she has to push through each month just to survive , it's not that it's just that I'm now feeling like I have no one and that I'm loosing her , month by month PMDD is taking my girl away from me .

I don't want to loose her and sure as hell don't want to loose our relationship . I just don't know what I can do anymore .

I try so hard to be compassionate , understanding as I possibly can be , loving and caring of her and dare I say , tolerant of these outbursts all the time and more so when I know its that "time of the month" where I need to make myself scarce and remember to say "nothing " and I mean NOTHING and do nothing that could be misconstrued as having "contact " with her when she wants nothing to do with anyone , "complete solitude" as she says . When I do say anything , even "good morning" I have my head bitten off and it's the start of WW 3 !!! and I can feel the hatred and rage towards me rise , that's when PMDD is my own most hated thing in life . It's taken my beautiful girl away from me again and it's hurting her and I hate seeing her hurting .

Today it's day 17 into my beautiful girls cycle and she has really gone off at me today ,the earliest I can rememeand worst ever . I know there are other things in play like a work place that has horrible people in it , people who DON'T understand why she is every month . The May just treat her badly because they think she's crazy again or rude but never knowing she is going through a PMDD episode , oh my god , the poor girl has to take their staring eyes and raised eyebrows nearly every month and she only wants to be on her own , left alone and have nothing to to with anyone let alone work place people who no nothing of what she is going through.
At least I know what's happening , what's possessing her and what's driving her to be so angry at the world .

To day she had been saying horrible, deeply nasty things ,and of course the inevitable " I hate you " will come later today , I'm sure .
It's already got to where today she is saying " I wished I had never met you " " you never do anything for me ". "You need to give me space" " I want to be on my own " " you're good for nothing " " you don't understand " " go and find someone else "

Whatever she has written in text msg's today has been so hateful and unloving quite evil ( but I know my "real" girl loves me very much , and with all her heart ) .

She tells me when these episodes are over, not to take any notice of what she says when she's having these days, that she so sorry. That she doesn't want to hurt me or her daughter ( who is now 11) and who now is getting it and knows when mummy is "not happy" and to stay away from her.
Yes stay away from her own mummy because she now knows she's going to get her head bitten off or even a smack on the backside for what would normally be a "nothing"

I get so scared every month that "this is it , it's all over " and I will loose her, that there won't be an "I'm sorry , come home , I love you so much " .
Every month I feel the same but this time she is saying REALLY hatful spiteful things I just don't know this time how to handle it .
I usually just shut the f.. up and stay away until the episode is gone but this time it's nearly 2 weeks out from her period , that's a good week or 10 days out from where her mood and thoughts usually would be thinking those terrible things, like getting rid of me, taking her own life ,the days where she just changes, nearly overnight , no, she changes nearly within an hour or so and that lasts till she starts to bleed and I have my precious loving girl back within a day .

She has had this dreaded dissorder , or as I call it "desease" of PMDD for much of her adult life.She has known it for a long time but never really got specific help for it , till now . I have really only got my head around it this past few months . I thought I had but really didn't until lately . But even know it hasn't helped .
She's now in her early 40's and I think it's getting worse by the month and the episodes are stronger with anger , with more hurtful and nasty words and deeds towards me , her daughter and her mother ( who also lives with us)

Over the past weeks we have gone to her Dr and she wanted her to go on low dose of Prozac from about yesterday till her period but I'm not sure if she has ( I was to scared to ask last night as I could feel this THING coming on last evening when I got home from work) she was on a low dose of Zoloft 20mg daily for depression and anxiety for a few years but as we were planing on having a baby and she also just wanted to get off it, which she did , she tapered off it over 2 months 3 months ago.

What more can we do , what more can I do to try and love her , care for her and for her to know that I do ?
I'm beginning to think that this disease is beating us and our beautiful relationship and that would kill me . I don't want to loose her, I don't want to loose US .
I love her so so much , help please , give me somthing to grasp onto because as I said I'm the one who now feels like curling up , giving up and dying , I'm desperate .
Mixed up partner of a PMDD sufferer.

There is a lot of information about PMDD on my blog, Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, in particular information about relationships and what biologically happens to a woman's brain during an episode of PMDD. I hope you will find the information of some help...

I have been married to a wife with PMDD for 11 years, Prior to this marriage she was in a relationship with her guy who beat her up. I have spent tens of thousands of pounds keeping this guy away from us and his own daughter because I beleived he had abused her. Last night she was physically violent towards me. Punching, kicking, biting swearing, like a demon possesed. This was witnessed by our 7 year old and heard by our other kids. I now beleive the father I have kepy from his daughter has a point.
Only this month In realised it's PMDD as seems to have dot worse in 2 months. I just paid £12000 for her lawyers fees to fught her ex, The day the court finished she changed.
During our sons birth in 2002 she also went crazy, this lasted a while. I was unfaithful and have been because I don't get the love affection or sex for weeks at a time.
She then gets crazier. I have been unfaithful. NO AFFAIRS. To keep the marriage going.
I'm now moving out since the violence and I also called the police. They say they might arrest her but I wont press charges.
I just need to get away and don't think I will return, well not until she stops denying and gets treatment
She's turned friends relatives and even my own elderly mother against me. She says I don't spend time with our kids.
Everything bad she does, she projects on me. I'm now at my wits end.
This month we are on hols. Luckily I fly on a seperate flight. I go to Phuket Thailand and she's flying with the kids to Bangkok.
Just want to say screw it and not come back and live back in Thailand where I met her.
My life was so happy before I met her in 2001. Beacause of the trouble with her ex partner we have been stalked by him for 11 years and spent 6 years in litigation with him
It's cleaned me out financially and emotionally. Only good thing is she wants the house and wants me out. I have mortgaged to the hilt , it's worth sweet FA.
She's had it all already.
I really hate her now and would not cry if she was run over, would I expect have a party

I have been dealing with this exact same issue for two years now. My wife got her PMDD right after our son was born, and it got worse each month for the last two years.she used to just say she hates me for a day or two, but now she throws me out of the house for two weeks at a time. Always the same thing, I need space, I hate you, I don't want to work it out anymore. This is all very hard because we had ten years of a peaceful marriage, this came out of nowhere and it is very hard to believe because she has never shown any anger before. As soon as she starts bleeding she calls me to come home, and always says she can't believe the things she said or did. We just realized this was PMDD about a month ago, so all the denial and craziness makes sense now. I also wonder if during the two weeks when we have no contact, is ther no moment of clarity? Can this disease really take away any moments of clarity for an entire two weeks? This is the thing I am having a hard time getting past. If a women out there can clarify this for me I would be very grateful. I really love my wife and will do anything to help her, but I need to know that she is crippled for those two weeks and unable to contact me, or if we have something else going on? <br />
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Thank you

Im so sorry for all your trouble. I hate my husband when its cycle time. Im also finding it gets worse as we age. Im 33 and Ive NEVER had the episodes like I do now. All I can say is if she is aging, she will start acting differently around the PMDD because im no DR but I know it gets worse with age. Actually yesterday i decided I hated all men and wish they would just disappear, boss made me mad. My point is, shes not herself, hormones are STRONG and i dont know many who can control them. Then after hating everyone, ill cry because I love him and my family so much. I dont think there is any control. I will have to pray about it, if i get and answer, ill be back.

Im not a husband but the wife with pmdd. Its very frustrating to have the feelings I have every month. I am trying to get it worked out with some help from my gyno and antidepressants. I dont have any good advice except dont give up on her and try to get her to see someone that can help her identify what she has. It may not be pmdd but it may be a depression or anxiety that she cannot work through without help. most people don't feel that pmdd exists so most people make their own labels for a person that says they have pmdd. Its very frustrating when even my mother doesn't believe. May peace be on your side.