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From a Guys Point of View...

I am a simple guy who truly loves his fiance.  She is the woman of my dreams for approximately 3 weeks out of the month.  10 to 14 days before her period she begins to start displaying her moodiness, anger, and horrible comments toward me.  It wasn't until last night that I finally started to research PMS.  

As a guy, you are told (since you are a teenager) that a woman has a period, and that in most cases she will turn evil.  Yesterday I detected her change when she began complaining that I had not called her during my lunch hour (although I had sent her approximately 10 text messages either telling her that I loved her or describing my day).  Then she arrived at my house (after going to bed bath & beyond) with two different bathroom rugs.  She had already determined in her mind which one she wanted.  Stupid me, I selected the other one.  After that our entire evening went down hill.  I looked at my cellphone and noticed that it was already the 25th of June, and that was 13 days before her estimated period date (July 6).  It has been an on going situation since I met her.  I started researching Yaz, and looked into other prescribed medication.  I keep reminding her that it's all her period, but she does not want to admit it.  The day of her period, she turns back into the wonderful woman that I want to marry.  I truly believe that she has PMDD, she has displayed all symptoms except suicide (that's a good thing).  

It seems that the only person she is displaying the PMDD symptoms to, is me.  why???  I try to do everything perfect, and try to show her my love for her.  I cook, take care of her two daughters, her family adores me, I take care of her extremely well sexually, and everything that goes on in a normal relationship.  what else am I missing?  Once she starts getting PMessy, she abandons me and treats me as if I didn't exist. And if she noticed me, then I would turn into her worst enemy.

At times, she has pushed me into considering leaving the relationship, but I love her and her two kids.  In 2003, I lost my own child to leukemia (died at the age of 2 years, 5 months, and 3 days).  I know what it is to lose a child and a family, so I definitely don't want to lose the one that I have now.  

I have already told her that she needs to seek medical attention, but she thinks that I'm the crazy one.  Everyone can see it, except her.  

Any suggestions?

YES, PMS and PMDD...   S U C Ks!!! 

Hello everyone! It has been a long journey. It has been 4 and a half years since I created this post. I've since then suffered a separation from my then fiance. It really was bad. Then we got back together, battled through many hard moments. My fiance and I got married Valentine's day 2010. We are about to celebrate our 3rd wedding anniversary. The girls are now 10 & 12 years old. After a very rocky start to marriage, we have come to learn to live and accept each other. We have a good family. The 12 year old has her menstrual cycle at the same time as her mother (lucky me), but doesn't show any signs of pmdd. The little one prays every night that she never gets her period (LOL). We now pick on my wife, because we know when she's about to get her period., but she still doesn't realize it. My wife has change a lot, and has put forth her best efforts at controlling her inner monster. There's hope,Not that we are problem free, but I've managed to have a good life next to the woman that I love.
ovomedia ovomedia 26-30 44 Responses Jun 26, 2008

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That's beautiful😭😭😭😭

I am so glad I found this forum. I don't want to get into messy details, but I met a woman 14 years younger than me and after about 8 months or so, we fell head over heels for each other. We couldn't get enough of each other, even before sex. Texting til late at night, texting all day, lunches, going out, all great experiences. Then one day, 2 months in, she seemed worried that our relationship wouldn't last. I said honey, we will be fine, we adore each other. She had 2 young daughters that loved me and I loved them, so that helped. She would comment also shortly after when her "ladies days" were. The next month were texting in the first week of a two week business trip I had (she said that's good because the second week was " ladies days") I made a comment about a scheduling conflict over a dinner plan when I was to be back and she basically flipped out over text, while I tried to do damage control, thinking what the hell? Its not that big of deal. I actually then put a note in my calendar about the next upcoming "ladies days" The next month she had been moody the week before and we went to see a movie. She turned to me and said "I think I know why I have been so moody... I am going to start my period soon"Light bulb moment. I said it was fine honey but made a mental note to mark my calendar not for the period, but the week before. Like clockwork, it was like I was riding a rollercoaster with her. Ramping up the hill only to plunge down into despair and interpersonal conflicts. This last month was even worse. So it dawned on me to do some research. My jaw dropped. I was thinking hasn't she ever sought treatment? Most women don't, it seems. In fact, I am texted her now to see how she is feeling. I have two choices after 4 months, cut and run from the craziness, or help the women I love seek help. Stay tuned. This is only place I have felt open enough to talk about my experience.

I am also one of those girls throwing rocks ONLY at my most loved boyfriend, but never towards other people. When I was younger and living with my parents it was my cute little brother who suffered from my PMDD. Maybe it is a matter of embarrassement that we only reveal this monster in front of those we love most.

I didn't realise so many people had similar experiences.
I'm a husband with 2 kids. My wife is the love of my life, and most of the time things are great, usual stresses and worries of course. I guess from the research i've done today (I should be working, but things are so bad i had to look for some advice or help or something...) that my wife suffers from PMDD. Its been thoughout the 7 years we've been together. Its difficult to see it coming, because she has such irregular periods. When it comes, myself and the kids are subjected to awful mood swings and sometimes violence. she threatens she will hurt the kids, the other day she picked up our little dog by his throat and screamed at him, just because he was following her around the house. I'm beginning to feel worried about leaving her alone with the kids.
This morning her period came on heavy and i can only hope against hope that it will ease from today, its been over a week of sneering, indifference, accusations, aggression, screaming, and of course floods of tears.
I try to keep the house going in the meantime with the cooking, cleaning, washing and organising the kids. But i'm only human (and 'only a man') so i can only do my best, and i struggle with my own low moods as a result. I'm certainly no saint or hero.
I try not to take it personally, but to feel so unloved and even thoroughly despised by the one you love is really hard. I only want to make her happy. But like someone else said, if i give her space it means i don't care. If i try to talk to her, even gently, i'm 'smothering her', 'crowding her', 'patronising her' or trying to 'manipulate her'
no one outside our little fmaily unit sees any of this. She manages to put on a completely different face for parents, visitors, co workers.
We've sort of talked about this before, but she won't recognise how bad it really is. She even told me that she's only concerned about the kids, I'm a grown up and should be able to just cope with it.
I need to talk to her about this again, but she's going to go ballistic about it, and i am absolutely dreading it.

Hello everyone! It has been a long time since my last confession/post. What can I say... "life is like a box of chocolates".

PMDD is horrible. I read what both men and women have replied to my post and I am amazed to read the hurt of every single one of the words posted by all of you.

As a man who loves his wife, and stood by her through everything... I say that patience worked for me. My wife still gets hostile prior to her menstrual cycle, and we have both been able to navigate through the storm. Our girls have helped too, they make sure she knows she's getting her period.

It is not easy, and can't guarantee that everyone will succeed. In some cases the best solution is to walk away. We all deserve to live happy lives (either together or apart). Being patient only works when the person with PMDD helps you. It's a team effort. If she doesn't help... then it will not help. PMDD is a disease, and it spreads. The emotional side effects that come out of it... can kill anyone and everyone.

Before you can make someone else happy, you must make yourself happy.

In order to get help, you must want to be helped.

I sent this comment to my exbf, just to show him that there are many ways people can work through such a tough complex issue. I wish you and your wife happiness :)

My partner and I married in February of this year.
We have been together for 8 years, and have 2 children together who are 4 and 6.
She has 2 children from a previous relationship, who live with us, they are 13 and 11.
I have 2 children of 17 and 18 who live with their mother.

My wife suffers from PMDD.
Before we got married, we had an extremely severe episode, probably induced by the stress of a wedding.
We got thru that, mostly because she researched PMDD - in her anger she had asked me to leave and not come back, and whilst I was at her fathers house licking my wounds, she called me in tears saying she was ill, had researched this and pleaded for my help. Of course I love her and it broke my heart to realise there was an underlying issue.

I researched it and found a list of herbal suggestions (agnus, etc), and bought them for her. We visited our (wonderful) GP who suggested antidepression tablets, but we decided on the pill to try and manage the situation before trying anti-depressants.

I realised that thru our 8 years together there were flash points, and it all made sense.
She even wished my other 2 children dead once in an argument, something that I just could not fathom how anybody could say, least of all someone who had had her children loved and raised by a new man.

We had a great reconcilliartory period (pardon the pun), and had the most amazing wonderful wedding day - truly the day of our dreams.

We got busy - new kitchen, new car for her, honeymoon in Dubai, birthday trip to Rome, everything was wonderful and happy.

This month has seen the worst cawsee of PMDD she has suffered. Today is the 4th day of it, and she has :

told me she married me to be more financially secure
told me she does not, and has never found me attractive
told me she finds others attractive
that she has contacted other men to gain attention
hates me
cannot bear to be touched by me
etc.etc.

Now, in context of this blog, the natural answer is to say "be patient, she cannnot control it, she is suffering".
This is true, and my ultimate reaction is and always will be to be there and support her and forgive her.

My point is that (ridiculously) this takes me by surprise every time, and I of course react badly (who wouldn't when their love investment and life-partner says it's all been an act and u can f*(& right off?).

The issue I am struggling with is that when we (she to her credit) found it, I believed we were on the road to understanding and confronting, which was a joy to realise. But, she stopped taking the pill and herbal remedies - when I asked how they were doing, she answered "i'm not fu*&ing mad, I don't have anything wrong with me, it's you".

so now I am in purgatory - she knows it's there, acknowledged it, and now denies it. As a man, I am left trying to navigate thru her mood swings and manage the relationship and being concerned for her but also hurt, angry, upset, verbally abused, and most ipmortantly not loved by the person I love the most in the world.

It's hard, and there is no solution other than making a call - leave, or commit to trying forever more.
I am in the second camp, but believe me, it is so very, very hard. I wish for her more than I wish for me that it would subside. Commitment (for me) is the only answer.

I just ended a relationship due to pretty much all the things you just said except we weren't married. It's no way to live. You can say support and commitment all you want, but if they don't get professional help and stick with it then why should you? If you had a disease and stopped taking medication, what would people around you do? Keep dealing with your issues or tell you to take the meds? If they were truly your friends and family, they would keep getting you to take your meds. If they just "accepted" it, they do you a disservice. I know everyone wants to say "keep going, it's worth it", but after 6 years of hell, I can tell you it's not. Your health, the health of you family, friends and coworkers (all who are REALLY tired of hearing about it) are all at risk. If she isn't doing anything about it, get on with your life. It's very possible that leaving is exactly what she needs to push her to help herself. If she does and things get better, go from there. If not, you will be much better off.

Sorry to all of the people who are about to call me a monster. Before you hit "post", take a step back and ask yourself what you would tell your brother, your son or some other man you truly care about what to do in this situation.

***NOTE: I am NOT saying to leave if the woman is getting or seeking help.

I suffer from it terribly and always have, I have a loving husband and a gorgeous child. I am thinking of having my ovaries removed now we have a lovely child. My husband supports me. As soon as she can admit she has this problem then you should marry her because then it just becomes part of your lives together, you can laugh about it, cry about it and totally enjoy the times it is not there. Please don't give up on her it is not her fault and thousands if not more suffer from this so you could meet another girl with this problem if you give up on her and then never find true love. We produce children which is hard and we suffer this which is even harder but we love our husbands and children and it is not our fault. Get her to admit it and then you can both be happy is my view

Please seek help if this is you. I have 2 failed marriages because of this and no help. I have put myself through terrible turmoil each month. Considered suicide most months and the mental anguish is unbearable. I feel like the incredible hulk at times, but everyone else thinks Im the lovliest person in the world, because I have a good heart and am caring when this goes. I hate myself some of the time and at 45 now realise what it is, gosh Ive come so close to ending it all, I just keep thinking about my kids and that I cant yet because my son needs to finish his degree and how selfish that would be of me......

I, too, have PMDD, and I have created a blog, Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, that may be of some help. It's where I share my research on the subject.

I'm also terribly sorry :/ I don't know why we do this to the person we love the most :( Hang in there and share your research with her. There's some really good videos on YouTube you could watch with her. Good luck!!

I have just had a hellish week of abusing my partner,constant crying, feeling worthless,wanting to end it all.I Know it's all from this condition and i hate it.I have been so calm for ages and now this month i have exploded again.I was about to jump of a cliff or fly back to Australia and leave my family cos i know that i am hurting them and i am no good for them.The thing is i know whats happening and why but i cant control it.I appologise when its all over and life goes on until next time.This time ,my fiance was ready to leave.he has had enough and i have had to remind him why i do what i do and i cant help it.He has to just hang in there and bear with me but i really dont know if he can take much more.I love him to death and hate doing this to him.I really do feel like leaving him for his sake,and sanity. I am starting counselling today so lets hope it will help a little.

I have just started exploring this subject and have discovered that I am a PMDD sufferer. Obviously my family is suffering too so I went to the doctor and I've just started a course of anti-depressants. I'm not sure how long I have been suffering from this, not long but it has rapidly reached a point where I had to stop and get help. I suffered some trauma during the summer just gone and I wonder if this could maybe have aggrevated my symptoms, also, are some months worse than others, does is gradually get worse?

I feel like apologizing to you lol...cause you sound just like my partner. I am so sorry, its a dark and lonely place. Please dont lose faith.

I am married for 21 years. Suffering from PMDD all of them. This helps: Understand she is suffering worse than you. Know when her symptoms are flaring and do not believe what she says to you. It's her (evil) hormones talking. Placate her during these episodes, then go work on a hobby! (really) Give her massages to ease her pain. This really makes a difference. If she is not up to cooking make something for her. Love her. When she is well she will make it all up to you. This is true love. And someday, when you are old and need care, she'll care for you. Please understand there is no cure for this. Only ways to try that can make it more manageable. It is a long journey. Encourage her. Pray.<br />
We can now joke about this . I tell him "next month you get the symptoms and I'll be nice to you." He tells me " can you suffer quietly?" And then we look at our life together and keep going. Good Luck and Love.

This is an old post but the problem is still out there for women who have PMDD and those who love them.<br />
<br />
As a woman, I would like to assure men that those of us suffering from PMDD (and I do mean suffering) do not want to experience the hell much less put our loved ones through it.<br />
<br />
One of the hardest things to grasp is the symptoms a woman experiences in PMDD from a first person experiential point of view. IOW: someone who has PMDD<br />
<br />
My heart goes out to the OP and others who have been around someone with PMDD. I have PMDD and I hate it. My heart also goes out to those who have it. <br />
<br />
Even though I personally have PMDD, when I am not in that cycle life is okay. Those who have PMDD when I am not cycling seem as difficult to deal with for me as well. We are so relieved when our cycle is over and look fwd to a couple of weeks of reasonable lessened symptoms.<br />
<br />
Please know that there is help available and you do not have to go through this alone. I recognize money and insurance is at an all time low in this wretched economy - and having said that - some (myself included) must turn to other methods. One not being shooting myself with a blowdart tranq. until it abates. :)<br />
<br />
What helped me was to STOP EATING ANIMAL MEAT and SEAFOOD. Switching to vegetarian and organically so. Exercise is very important. I stopped drinking alcohol all together - not even one sip - and rarely eat refined sugar. <br />
<br />
Age and stress load impacts PMDD as do underlying psychological issues and DX. <br />
<br />
Get into a support group - this does not mean a ***** fest - I mean where solutions and shared ideas get passed about to assist those suffering - including those who love PMDD'ers. <br />
<br />
Stress HAS TO BE LESSENED in some way to reduce the very very real effects of PMDD. Coping skills - outlets - therapy - and most definitely medical help as possible. <br />
<br />
I am 47 so let me share a bit of insight to assist.<br />
<br />
Years ago after my 1st child was born I experienced hellish PMDD. Crying, depression, suicidal, mood swings off the chain, crying, cursing, sleeplessness, restlessness, severe anxiety and panic attacks, unrelenting hunger...I went to my OBGYN who was supposedly progressive in that they employed MA Midwives for childbirthing in the associated hospital. <br />
<br />
I sat across from him in tears...I begged for help. He said there is NO SUCH THING AS PMS and I needed to see I psychiatrist.<br />
<br />
I almost ended my life that day.<br />
<br />
But I did not. <br />
<br />
My husband at the time helped me and thanks to him I was able to hang in there long enough to see a real diagnosis be put in the DSM - PMDD<br />
<br />
You are NOT imagining it. You are NOT insane. You are suffering from a serious and very real problem that many women experience.<br />
<br />
That should offer some relief. For both those who love PMDD'ers and those who have it. <br />
<br />
Please support one another and get the help you BOTH need and deserve.

That's exactly how it is for my husband!!!! Show her some of the stories on here so she can relate and realize that it is a problem!! I almost lost my husband over this!! And I've read stories of women who have been alone for years over this!! I know it's hard to think it's just your period BC when you feel good you dont want to think about the bad times!! But if she loves you and her children she will get help!! Nobody deserves this disorder but nobody deserves to be treated badly!!

Hey lil. It was a huge part of why I lost my 20 yr marriage.

There was no help at the time when I sought it.

Thank you for sharing your story

<p>&nbsp;<br />
I'm a 29 year old who has fallen in love with a girl with pmdd. I immediately caught on to the month end problems, and casually brought it to her attention. She is the love of my life, but at the end of every month she questions our relationship, me, where our relationship is going, and it drives me crazy. I just don't know what I'm suppose to do sometimes. I know she is afraid of getting help, but its so hard to go through this at the end of every month. <br />
<br />
I need reassurance that her doubts are strictly from the pmdd! Its always at this time and she always apologizes when the symptoms subside, but right now it is so hard. I'd cross the world for her.

Matthew

I hope you are still hanging in there and read the post I left below.

It IS hard for you. As well as her.

The doubts can certainly be triggered by PMDD.

Hang in there sweetie and thank you for caring enough to post this because yo love her. You are truly one of the GOOD guys. Blessings

TO ALL THE MEN OUT THERE STANDING BY THEIR WOMEN, YOU ARE HEROS<br />
<br />
PATIENCE AND UNDERSTAND IS ESSENTIAL IN THIS DISEASE<br />
<br />
SSRIs, Anti-anxiety help very much. Usually PMDD gets worse with age, so an increased dose may be needed the 14 days before her period. Keep getting help and keep talking about it!!!

I have the love of my life for the last 14 years & .......... has her love of her life & that is me.<br />
PMDD is destroying our loving relatoinship. From a mans point of view its very hard to understand the way she feels but when it comes on her she explodes in to verbal & emotional abuse with threats & attacks me verbaly on just about anything! Around a week or 2 before her period I CONSTANTLY walk on egg shells & fear my own safety. I often question my own sanity at times because we are that close. Soulmates to point a phrase but my patients is running out & I think hers are aswel. Iv researched for the last 2 years on womans mental health & I'v concluded its PMDD or PCOS or a comination. She spots alot before peroids & turns into a crazy lady! My nerves are hanging in the balance! We have 3 gorgous kids 2 girls aged 12 & 10 & a 2 year old gorgous blue eyed blonde haired & rosy red cheeked little boy & it breaks my heart to see her suffer like this aswel myself. We have just been in our lovley brand new home for the last 11 months & settled.<br />
I'v suggested to her to research herself about it but she is in denial. (She must know how she feels)? She uses me as the scapegoat & BLAMES BLAMES BLAMES! Then a week or two later she loves me again & trys to control me in order to stop me from walking away but when the PMDD looms she wants out & wants to end it. Im baffled by it all. A cycle like this since after our first child was born. Iv bent over backwards and been the best man/father I can be. Its NEVER enough! Can any of you wise men & ladies out there help & advise???? Thanks.

Thank you for looking for ways to help her. My boyfriend and I are working through my PMDD. You are the target because you are closest and she holds you close, so she's showing that side of herself despite it's ugliness. Try and talk to her after her period has started, when she's back to her 'normal' self. I know it's hard for me to take the 'it's just PMS' piece seriously when I'm in a bad mood due to it, but after I can recognize that PMDD was the cause and we can move forward. Be patient and try to see what she thinks will help after she's on the good side.

I guess you can't say the word bit*ch on this site. hah

I guess you can't say the word bit*ch on this site. hah

I would say that you are doing everything right! But really, I have PMDD too, and there is nothing you can say that's "right" at this time of the month. I always take out my anger on the ones that I love the most: my mom and boyfriend (if I have one at the time). It sucks, but it's because they are the ones in closest proximity to me. I almost feel like women with this condition should have "menstrual huts" like they do in some cultures, only instead of going into them while on our periods, we should go before they start to get away from people and ***** together. lol Hope this helps. :)

my husband (fiance' at tey time) had to sit myself down as well. As a women we are suppose to be strong, have it all, take care of everything..for me i felt ashamed to 'have this problem' i am relieved to find that i am not alone. medication & therapy and reminding myself this is a sickness as if I have heart trouble (its not about me) has helped me. in my mind i know better but i cant help but feeling anxious, blue, irritable & lethargic. keep loving her & reminding her its not her fault , she is not to blame & that you know who the real her. (that has helped me) separating the pmdd form who I am.

Your insight is so valuable. Especially the analogy of reminding yourself that this is a hormonal based etiology and not a choice to feel like this

When I look back, I think I have had these swings for as long as I have had a period. Being on top of the world one minute and then falling into the darkness of paranoia, self loathing and irritability. And oh, the guilt.... I have a supportive husband and two sweet children. And they suffer the most. It seems so unfair. I don't want my kids to look back at their childhood and think about their crazy mom. I love them to pieces but I lose my grip on control so easily when I go through these phases. And for me, I have never been regular (skipping as much as 6 months between periods) so my crazy phases catch me by surprise. And I can never seem to link it to ... oh, my period is coming. I just feel like life is hopeless and start looking for the tallest building to jump off of. I am looking for help from my doctor... tomorrow actually. I have started to wonder.... if you have lived most of your life with 25%-35% of your days being a complete nightmare, doesn't that change how you think of yourself. I have self confidence and self worth issues at he best of times. Let me tell you, it doesn't help that you actually say and do things to people and family that you wish you could take back and then you live with that guilt and regret forever.

Oh sister I feel you. What you have written is me to a T. I absolutely understand when you say who suffers the most, our families. I am glad that i have worked out what is and has been happening to me. I am trying to get my doctor to understand and she decided to put me on prozac round the clock but what I am doing now is taking 2 a day instead of 1 during my phase. Anyway good luck. x

I am with my fiancee who HAS PMDD. I noticed her eyes turning slightly red, with a constant scowl on her face for a week or so. She also becomes very physically distant, almost hurting when I touch her or caress her back...I also noticed that she is most harsh with me but seems to put on a happy face around every one else. I don't understand. Maybe she feels safe enough that I can see the raw part of her, who she really is for 10 days...Then I check for the tampon wrappers in the bathroom waste basket...You have no idea how much I look forward to seeing the wrappers...Feels like coming out alive again...

I hear your story and you are prince charming every PMDD girl should have. My husband saved me. He was a science major who switched to law and like you he figured out that it was the calendar. We got married, had 2 young kids and the pregnancies switched the symptoms but did not help. He did research but refused Prozac and side effects. He discoverd what ultimately helped me: herbal remedy Chasteberry or in latin "Agnus Castus" commercialized in the U.S. as Vitex. I want to tell everyone because my life was about to become really difficult before this. See my story. I believe in Prince Charming and love forever after after years of giving him a hell of a time. I don't know why he stuck to me. But as Marilyn Monroe said, if a guy cannot take the worst of me, he does not deserve the best of me. Well, i would say it differently...A guy who is lovely enough to handle the worst of me...more than deserves the best of me.

Get her 5-htp from the health food store. Take 50 mg the first week of symptoms and 100mg the second week. It changed my life forever. Look it up!

I have been married for 17 years and my wife was the poster child for PMDD. She was part of the first studies on the disease. As of late she has been feeling very depressed and it's scaring me. I've shielded my son up to now on what's going on with his mom. His 14 and i need him to not take everything she does and says very serious. But, at the same time try to listen. I'm not sure who to turn to now. I feel like i am starting to loose my mind over this. We can't have that happen.

I myself having been tracking my mood swings for months and went over them with my husband. Had a ttoal meltdown the otherday at work and came close to drop kicking another employee for being really disrespectful and dumb! I left work early and have taken the last couple of days off. My husband of 12yrs - agreed it was time to see a doctor as all the preventive stuff was not working. My poor kids had to look at me and deal with me as well. Thank god for my doctor - he said it"s pretty typical for women that really have had no other issues. He is running bloodwork to confirm it"s nothing more serious or that I am entering menopause - and has started me on antidepressants. Hopefully they kick in sooner rather than later. Good on you for recognizing she has an issue and she just may rip your head off for even suggesting it - but be patient. I know my husband would do anything for me and I for him and I am sure on most days she feels the same - otherdays - if she is feeling anything like the rest of us - she can"t stand anyone including herself. But as women we are expected to just continue like nothing is going on and it continues to get harder and harder until something snaps. Hopefully I won"t be fired when I return to work on Monday morning. Take Care