From a Guys Point of View...

My partner and I married in February of this year.
We have been together for 8 years, and have 2 children together who are 4 and 6.
She has 2 children from a previous relationship, who live with us, they are 13 and 11.
I have 2 children of 17 and 18 who live with their mother.

My wife suffers from PMDD.
Before we got married, we had an extremely severe episode, probably induced by the stress of a wedding.
We got thru that, mostly because she researched PMDD - in her anger she had asked me to leave and not come back, and whilst I was at her fathers house licking my wounds, she called me in tears saying she was ill, had researched this and pleaded for my help. Of course I love her and it broke my heart to realise there was an underlying issue.

I researched it and found a list of herbal suggestions (agnus, etc), and bought them for her. We visited our (wonderful) GP who suggested antidepression tablets, but we decided on the pill to try and manage the situation before trying anti-depressants.

I realised that thru our 8 years together there were flash points, and it all made sense.
She even wished my other 2 children dead once in an argument, something that I just could not fathom how anybody could say, least of all someone who had had her children loved and raised by a new man.

We had a great reconcilliartory period (pardon the pun), and had the most amazing wonderful wedding day - truly the day of our dreams.

We got busy - new kitchen, new car for her, honeymoon in Dubai, birthday trip to Rome, everything was wonderful and happy.

This month has seen the worst cawsee of PMDD she has suffered. Today is the 4th day of it, and she has :

told me she married me to be more financially secure
told me she does not, and has never found me attractive
told me she finds others attractive
that she has contacted other men to gain attention
hates me
cannot bear to be touched by me
etc.etc.

Now, in context of this blog, the natural answer is to say "be patient, she cannnot control it, she is suffering".
This is true, and my ultimate reaction is and always will be to be there and support her and forgive her.

My point is that (ridiculously) this takes me by surprise every time, and I of course react badly (who wouldn't when their love investment and life-partner says it's all been an act and u can f*(& right off?).

The issue I am struggling with is that when we (she to her credit) found it, I believed we were on the road to understanding and confronting, which was a joy to realise. But, she stopped taking the pill and herbal remedies - when I asked how they were doing, she answered "i'm not fu*&ing mad, I don't have anything wrong with me, it's you".

so now I am in purgatory - she knows it's there, acknowledged it, and now denies it. As a man, I am left trying to navigate thru her mood swings and manage the relationship and being concerned for her but also hurt, angry, upset, verbally abused, and most ipmortantly not loved by the person I love the most in the world.

It's hard, and there is no solution other than making a call - leave, or commit to trying forever more.
I am in the second camp, but believe me, it is so very, very hard. I wish for her more than I wish for me that it would subside. Commitment (for me) is the only answer.

I suffer from it terribly and always have, I have a loving husband and a gorgeous child. I am thinking of having my ovaries removed now we have a lovely child. My husband supports me. As soon as she can admit she has this problem then you should marry her because then it just becomes part of your lives together, you can laugh about it, cry about it and totally enjoy the times it is not there. Please don't give up on her it is not her fault and thousands if not more suffer from this so you could meet another girl with this problem if you give up on her and then never find true love. We produce children which is hard and we suffer this which is even harder but we love our husbands and children and it is not our fault. Get her to admit it and then you can both be happy is my view

Please seek help if this is you. I have 2 failed marriages because of this and no help. I have put myself through terrible turmoil each month. Considered suicide most months and the mental anguish is unbearable. I feel like the incredible hulk at times, but everyone else thinks Im the lovliest person in the world, because I have a good heart and am caring when this goes. I hate myself some of the time and at 45 now realise what it is, gosh Ive come so close to ending it all, I just keep thinking about my kids and that I cant yet because my son needs to finish his degree and how selfish that would be of me......

I, too, have PMDD, and I have created a blog, Living on a Prayer, Living with PMDD, that may be of some help. It's where I share my research on the subject.

I'm also terribly sorry :/ I don't know why we do this to the person we love the most :( Hang in there and share your research with her. There's some really good videos on YouTube you could watch with her. Good luck!!

I have just had a hellish week of abusing my partner,constant crying, feeling worthless,wanting to end it all.I Know it's all from this condition and i hate it.I have been so calm for ages and now this month i have exploded again.I was about to jump of a cliff or fly back to Australia and leave my family cos i know that i am hurting them and i am no good for them.The thing is i know whats happening and why but i cant control it.I appologise when its all over and life goes on until next time.This time ,my fiance was ready to leave.he has had enough and i have had to remind him why i do what i do and i cant help it.He has to just hang in there and bear with me but i really dont know if he can take much more.I love him to death and hate doing this to him.I really do feel like leaving him for his sake,and sanity. I am starting counselling today so lets hope it will help a little.

I feel like apologizing to you lol...cause you sound just like my partner. I am so sorry, its a dark and lonely place. Please dont lose faith.

woah there's a lot of comments on this one. so all im gonna say is, she hurts you the most because she loves you the most. i go to therapy for anxiety, depression, and pmdd. i have talked to her about why i hurt my mom and fiance most when i am in one of these situations. its not cuz of anything you do wrong or right, its cuz she has soooo much emotional attachment towards you.. that when she feels like the world is against her, she relays all of it on you.. she can't help it... good luck and God bless

I am married for 21 years. Suffering from PMDD all of them. This helps: Understand she is suffering worse than you. Know when her symptoms are flaring and do not believe what she says to you. It's her (evil) hormones talking. Placate her during these episodes, then go work on a hobby! (really) Give her massages to ease her pain. This really makes a difference. If she is not up to cooking make something for her. Love her. When she is well she will make it all up to you. This is true love. And someday, when you are old and need care, she'll care for you. Please understand there is no cure for this. Only ways to try that can make it more manageable. It is a long journey. Encourage her. Pray.

We can now joke about this . I tell him "next month you get the symptoms and I'll be nice to you." He tells me " can you suffer quietly?" And then we look at our life together and keep going. Good Luck and Love.

This is an old post but the problem is still out there for women who have PMDD and those who love them.



As a woman, I would like to assure men that those of us suffering from PMDD (and I do mean suffering) do not want to experience the hell much less put our loved ones through it.



One of the hardest things to grasp is the symptoms a woman experiences in PMDD from a first person experiential point of view. IOW: someone who has PMDD



My heart goes out to the OP and others who have been around someone with PMDD. I have PMDD and I hate it. My heart also goes out to those who have it.



Even though I personally have PMDD, when I am not in that cycle life is okay. Those who have PMDD when I am not cycling seem as difficult to deal with for me as well. We are so relieved when our cycle is over and look fwd to a couple of weeks of reasonable lessened symptoms.



Please know that there is help available and you do not have to go through this alone. I recognize money and insurance is at an all time low in this wretched economy - and having said that - some (myself included) must turn to other methods. One not being shooting myself with a blowdart tranq. until it abates. :)



What helped me was to STOP EATING ANIMAL MEAT and SEAFOOD. Switching to vegetarian and organically so. Exercise is very important. I stopped drinking alcohol all together - not even one sip - and rarely eat refined sugar.



Age and stress load impacts PMDD as do underlying psychological issues and DX.



Get into a support group - this does not mean a ***** fest - I mean where solutions and shared ideas get passed about to assist those suffering - including those who love PMDD'ers.



Stress HAS TO BE LESSENED in some way to reduce the very very real effects of PMDD. Coping skills - outlets - therapy - and most definitely medical help as possible.



I am 47 so let me share a bit of insight to assist.



Years ago after my 1st child was born I experienced hellish PMDD. Crying, depression, suicidal, mood swings off the chain, crying, cursing, sleeplessness, restlessness, severe anxiety and panic attacks, unrelenting hunger...I went to my OBGYN who was supposedly progressive in that they employed MA Midwives for childbirthing in the associated hospital.



I sat across from him in tears...I begged for help. He said there is NO SUCH THING AS PMS and I needed to see I psychiatrist.



I almost ended my life that day.



But I did not.



My husband at the time helped me and thanks to him I was able to hang in there long enough to see a real diagnosis be put in the DSM - PMDD



You are NOT imagining it. You are NOT insane. You are suffering from a serious and very real problem that many women experience.



That should offer some relief. For both those who love PMDD'ers and those who have it.



Please support one another and get the help you BOTH need and deserve.

That's exactly how it is for my husband!!!! Show her some of the stories on here so she can relate and realize that it is a problem!! I almost lost my husband over this!! And I've read stories of women who have been alone for years over this!! I know it's hard to think it's just your period BC when you feel good you dont want to think about the bad times!! But if she loves you and her children she will get help!! Nobody deserves this disorder but nobody deserves to be treated badly!!

I'm a 29 year old who has fallen in love with a girl with pmdd. I immediately caught on to the month end problems, and casually brought it to her attention. She is the love of my life, but at the end of every month she questions our relationship, me, where our relationship is going, and it drives me crazy. I just don't know what I'm suppose to do sometimes. I know she is afraid of getting help, but its so hard to go through this at the end of every month.



I need reassurance that her doubts are strictly from the pmdd! Its always at this time and she always apologizes when the symptoms subside, but right now it is so hard. I'd cross the world for her.

TO ALL THE MEN OUT THERE STANDING BY THEIR WOMEN, YOU ARE HEROS



PATIENCE AND UNDERSTAND IS ESSENTIAL IN THIS DISEASE



SSRIs, Anti-anxiety help very much. Usually PMDD gets worse with age, so an increased dose may be needed the 14 days before her period. Keep getting help and keep talking about it!!!

I have the love of my life for the last 14 years & .......... has her love of her life & that is me.

PMDD is destroying our loving relatoinship. From a mans point of view its very hard to understand the way she feels but when it comes on her she explodes in to verbal & emotional abuse with threats & attacks me verbaly on just about anything! Around a week or 2 before her period I CONSTANTLY walk on egg shells & fear my own safety. I often question my own sanity at times because we are that close. Soulmates to point a phrase but my patients is running out & I think hers are aswel. Iv researched for the last 2 years on womans mental health & I'v concluded its PMDD or PCOS or a comination. She spots alot before peroids & turns into a crazy lady! My nerves are hanging in the balance! We have 3 gorgous kids 2 girls aged 12 & 10 & a 2 year old gorgous blue eyed blonde haired & rosy red cheeked little boy & it breaks my heart to see her suffer like this aswel myself. We have just been in our lovley brand new home for the last 11 months & settled.

I'v suggested to her to research herself about it but she is in denial. (She must know how she feels)? She uses me as the scapegoat & BLAMES BLAMES BLAMES! Then a week or two later she loves me again & trys to control me in order to stop me from walking away but when the PMDD looms she wants out & wants to end it. Im baffled by it all. A cycle like this since after our first child was born. Iv bent over backwards and been the best man/father I can be. Its NEVER enough! Can any of you wise men & ladies out there help & advise???? Thanks.

Thank you for looking for ways to help her. My boyfriend and I are working through my PMDD. You are the target because you are closest and she holds you close, so she's showing that side of herself despite it's ugliness. Try and talk to her after her period has started, when she's back to her 'normal' self. I know it's hard for me to take the 'it's just PMS' piece seriously when I'm in a bad mood due to it, but after I can recognize that PMDD was the cause and we can move forward. Be patient and try to see what she thinks will help after she's on the good side.

I guess you can't say the word bit*ch on this site. hah

I guess you can't say the word bit*ch on this site. hah

I would say that you are doing everything right! But really, I have PMDD too, and there is nothing you can say that's "right" at this time of the month. I always take out my anger on the ones that I love the most: my mom and boyfriend (if I have one at the time). It sucks, but it's because they are the ones in closest proximity to me. I almost feel like women with this condition should have "menstrual huts" like they do in some cultures, only instead of going into them while on our periods, we should go before they start to get away from people and ***** together. lol Hope this helps. :)

my husband (fiance' at tey time) had to sit myself down as well. As a women we are suppose to be strong, have it all, take care of everything..for me i felt ashamed to 'have this problem' i am relieved to find that i am not alone. medication & therapy and reminding myself this is a sickness as if I have heart trouble (its not about me) has helped me. in my mind i know better but i cant help but feeling anxious, blue, irritable & lethargic. keep loving her & reminding her its not her fault , she is not to blame & that you know who the real her. (that has helped me) separating the pmdd form who I am.

When I look back, I think I have had these swings for as long as I have had a period. Being on top of the world one minute and then falling into the darkness of paranoia, self loathing and irritability. And oh, the guilt.... I have a supportive husband and two sweet children. And they suffer the most. It seems so unfair. I don't want my kids to look back at their childhood and think about their crazy mom. I love them to pieces but I lose my grip on control so easily when I go through these phases. And for me, I have never been regular (skipping as much as 6 months between periods) so my crazy phases catch me by surprise. And I can never seem to link it to ... oh, my period is coming. I just feel like life is hopeless and start looking for the tallest building to jump off of. I am looking for help from my doctor... tomorrow actually. I have started to wonder.... if you have lived most of your life with 25%-35% of your days being a complete nightmare, doesn't that change how you think of yourself. I have self confidence and self worth issues at he best of times. Let me tell you, it doesn't help that you actually say and do things to people and family that you wish you could take back and then you live with that guilt and regret forever.

I am with my fiancee who HAS PMDD. I noticed her eyes turning slightly red, with a constant scowl on her face for a week or so. She also becomes very physically distant, almost hurting when I touch her or caress her back...I also noticed that she is most harsh with me but seems to put on a happy face around every one else. I don't understand. Maybe she feels safe enough that I can see the raw part of her, who she really is for 10 days...Then I check for the tampon wrappers in the bathroom waste basket...You have no idea how much I look forward to seeing the wrappers...Feels like coming out alive again...

I hear your story and you are prince charming every PMDD girl should have. My husband saved me. He was a science major who switched to law and like you he figured out that it was the calendar. We got married, had 2 young kids and the pregnancies switched the symptoms but did not help. He did research but refused Prozac and side effects. He discoverd what ultimately helped me: herbal remedy Chasteberry or in latin "Agnus Castus" commercialized in the U.S. as Vitex. I want to tell everyone because my life was about to become really difficult before this. See my story. I believe in Prince Charming and love forever after after years of giving him a hell of a time. I don't know why he stuck to me. But as Marilyn Monroe said, if a guy cannot take the worst of me, he does not deserve the best of me. Well, i would say it differently...A guy who is lovely enough to handle the worst of me...more than deserves the best of me.

Get her 5-htp from the health food store. Take 50 mg the first week of symptoms and 100mg the second week. It changed my life forever. Look it up!

I have been married for 17 years and my wife was the poster child for PMDD. She was part of the first studies on the disease. As of late she has been feeling very depressed and it's scaring me. I've shielded my son up to now on what's going on with his mom. His 14 and i need him to not take everything she does and says very serious. But, at the same time try to listen. I'm not sure who to turn to now. I feel like i am starting to loose my mind over this. We can't have that happen.

I myself having been tracking my mood swings for months and went over them with my husband. Had a ttoal meltdown the otherday at work and came close to drop kicking another employee for being really disrespectful and dumb! I left work early and have taken the last couple of days off. My husband of 12yrs - agreed it was time to see a doctor as all the preventive stuff was not working. My poor kids had to look at me and deal with me as well. Thank god for my doctor - he said it"s pretty typical for women that really have had no other issues. He is running bloodwork to confirm it"s nothing more serious or that I am entering menopause - and has started me on antidepressants. Hopefully they kick in sooner rather than later. Good on you for recognizing she has an issue and she just may rip your head off for even suggesting it - but be patient. I know my husband would do anything for me and I for him and I am sure on most days she feels the same - otherdays - if she is feeling anything like the rest of us - she can"t stand anyone including herself. But as women we are expected to just continue like nothing is going on and it continues to get harder and harder until something snaps. Hopefully I won"t be fired when I return to work on Monday morning. Take Care

please please please please please, can I say it enough, be patient with her and encourage her to get some medical attention, and to specifically ask her doc about pmdd. I have suffered with PMDD I believe since I was a teenager, ruined several otherwise-great relationships and friendships, and even hurt co-workers on occasion and put my job at risk. I think you are right that men (and women!) are conditioned from a very young age to think that "pms is normal" and that all women get irritable around that time. I think also doctors buy into this, I know I have asked my obgyn for about 8 years now (I'm 31) if there is anything I can do for the horrible anxiety, depression, irritability, fatigue, body aches, bloating, and inability to concentrate during the 5-10 days before my period, and had never heard of the term PMDD until just recently. I know my boyfriend has tolerated abuse from me for years, blowing it off as just "that time of the month," which of course would inevitably make me even angrier, i.e. "why aren't you taking my (real or imagined) perceived injuries seriously! you don't care about me or my feelings!" I also believe that my own social conditioning, as well as that of my friends ("oh I have horrible PMS too, I eat a ton of chocolate, I was so rude to my husband last night, oh I totally understand how irritable you are") made it so much harder for me to see what the problem was and actually address it. please just remember how miserable your fiancee is feeling when she is acting that way, I know for me at least, a big part of my emotional craziness was the feeling that I was "so hurt" by whatever it was and why couldn't my boyfriend sympathize with me or fix it for me? it really hurt my feelings and made me question our relationship that this wonderful person who was so amazing and patient the rest of the time couldn't "sit down and talk" with me about what a horrible, uncaring boyfriend he was (in my mind at least, for that particular week)! because in my mind, if he really cared about me, he wouldn't allow me to continue to feel this way. I kept thinking there was something wrong in our relationship for me to be so unhappy with him, unhappy enough to threaten to move out on multiple occasions. it was really when he calmly sat down with me and went over the last three months of premenstrual crazy behavior with me that I started to think he might be right. and even then, I was mostly so embarrassed and ashamed about the way I had treated him, not to mention beating myself up incessantly about how miserably I had failed to control myself or my behavior towards my loved ones, that it was hard to hear anything but "listen baby, I think you might be crazy." it took a lot of patience and very calm, loving approaches from him on this topic, as well as one horrible PMS-fueled morning of arguing over something pointless (to where I was calling him at school, while he was frantically studying before a big test, begging him to stay on the phone with me to "resolve our argument," threatening to move out if he didn't apologize immediately, asking why he was doing this to me, etc. etc.) that resulted in my crying uncontrollably for four hours straight and being unable to go to work, that I considered seriously what he was saying and talked to my doctor. even at that point, I was firmly convinced it was just "my horrible PMS" and that if I just took a day off from work I would be fine the next day, and next month would be different. the thing that really saved me I think is my boyfriend continuously, patiently, and lovingly pointing out to me that I, and our relationship, were both so amazing three weeks out of the month. and a friend that I texted that horrible morning saying, "um, crying for four hours is NOT NORMAL PMS, maybe you should ask your doctor about that." love and patience from those closest to me is what convinced me to finally get medical help. I sympathize with your situation and hope that she can see the love in your intentions. good luck.

Hello!! WOW... It's my story but the other way round! I 've had pmdd and obviously didn't know it as I live in a country where it's not really established and although I know a lot of women who suffer my doctor never explained it to me. I've been to many doctors but they always focused on the physical symptoms instead of the pchycological. For many years I thought something was seriously wrong in my head as I have realised that half the month I'm mr. Jekyll and the other half I'm doctor Hyde. And I took it out on my most loved ones (you know.... mother-issues, boyfriends blah-blah). I couldn't find any rational explanation, so I developed this behaviour of avoiding all close relationships at all cost isolating myself from everybody i loved cause i didn't want to go through all that - hurting everybody and then hating myself. Almost a decade after having no boyfriends and 2 years of having no friends (yes - I know - it sounds weird, but I'm a really sensitive person) I met this man that managed to melt my ice cold heart. He means the world to me and we moved in together and I love him more than anything - we live together for the past 18 months. Everything was great except.... once a month we would get into huge fights that I started and although I 've tried to explain to him what I think is wrong, he still doesn't get it. I wasn't sure myself you see... I tried to explain that this gets me once a month before my period, but he cannot grasp how I can be happy one day and the next I want to kill myself.... I know it's not fair for him so I'm trying a lot to be nice, but what I feel once a month is extremely depressed, I hate myself, I 'm thinking that there is no point in life and I cry a lot... I mean a lot.... So every month he is the one that gets super - CRAZY on me!!! Once a month it goes like that: I get depressed 10 days before my period... He gets anxious that I will develop "bad" feelings for him...He starts asking (concerned) "What's wrong baby?" for the first 3 days... After 3-4 days of me saying "Nothing - I'm having my period soon" but still looking like I'm really depressed.... he snaps because he still cant understand how I can go on and be miserable for 3 days straight although he is trying to cheer me up... He assumes he is doing something wrong because he cant just "fix me" like men do.... I'm begining to explain it's not personal but I can't be fixed.... On the same time, because he is pushing me to change my mood and I can't and I feel apologetic about it, I SNAP! Anyway .... you get the point... no need to give you the rest of the details. The thing is , he gets me mad because he can't be a little more sympathetic about it. I can't begin to tell you how touched I felt from the fact that you are doing all the research for your girlfriend! She is lucky to have you - introduce her to this forum, so she can see the girl point of view. I'm doing all my research alone and when I try to explain it to my bf, he doesn't want to hear about it , because it's translated as his own personal failure to "fix me". Any suggestions please???

I wish the best for all the women that go through that....

I believe I have PMDD as well. About a week or so before my actual flow I get the munchies like never before. Next I get this stubborn migraine headache-almost nothing works over the counter meds just calm it down. In addition there’s the severe muscle aches from mid-back down to the heel of me feet. Then I can't sleep at night I am only taking cat naps. Next I began to feel myself literally transform into anger. It’s an anger I cannot control. I really, really, really, try but I don’t even notice the things I do until it’s done. The even worst thing is my husband is bi-polar. So while I have to remain calm and avoid confrontation with him. If you are familiar with Bi-polar disorder a person can get mad a curse you out for hours and hours. When I am having my own episode I cannot take it. However, once my cycle comes down I am calm and back to myself. It’s really crazy. I am 30 yrs until 26yrs I spent my time being carefree and clubbing. I hardly ever slowed down to notice anything wrong with me. I got pregnant at 27yrs (first child) and was forced to sit still for a while. This is when I noticed my symptoms were strange and very timely-a week or so before my period. I mean it’s like clockwork. Before I was on Birth control too so maybe that’s why I didn't notice but those Yaz pills made me sick to I stopped taking them. Now my symptoms are very persistent. I decided to go and see a doctor OB/GYN to seek some help. Although my husband has Bi-polar disorder I know this hurts him. You not only feel suicidal but others can be in danger as well. I suggest to anyone to ‘seek help’. This is no game.

If you can pitch it as it's a PMDD--menstural disorder and not a batshit crazy disorder--that will help. I feel for you. I have severe PMDD and I'm making all relationships crazy and the part of protection is that anyone telling me that I need to get help = them saying in reality "you're batshit crazy".



The unfortuante side is that the treatement is the typical SSRIs, etc. I just can't take it anymore and I KNOW I have this becasue the only time I felt stable was when I was pregnant. hmmmm hormones level off, no period, no PMDD so to me that means yes, this is hormonally based.



I'm so sorry but know that leaving is the worse things you could do. Please support her and pitch it to her as if she has a MEDICAL condition, not a PSYCHIATRIC condition. That's where the hang up and resistance starts. See if you can talk with her OB and have her OB pitch it as changing birth control, if she's on it Yaz is supposed to help, and going on an SSRI as part of HORMONAL control (not mental control).



It's all the way you sell it. Yesterday I had full blown psycho c-bag ways because my DH pitched the "get help" wrong. Now that my period is here I feel better and also called 3 docs to get this issues resolved. Yesterday in full blown PMDD? No way would I have called.



This really sucks for all women and our relationships and trust me, she's not showing it just to you. You just get it the most becasue she loves you.

You are such a wonderful man. I hope she at least tries to control her anger and moodiness towards you. You deserve a wonderful lady.