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Moth to a Flame

Hi there,

I'm 18 years old, started my periods when I was 11. I suffered quietly for 5 years believing what I was going through all to be "normal".
When I bet my boyfriend, my hero, at 15 he gave me confidence to go see a doctor.
For the past 2/3 years I have seen so many different types of doctors, dignosed with many different mental illnesses, and tried several different things to help me.

Reading all yours posts, I surley can relate to pretty much all of them. I too would have checked myself into a mental home, I too have tried to take my life on more than one occasion, I have suffered the horrible rage, feeling so terribly weak, confused, lost and alone. I may not have suffered as long as some of you but its been long enough, I admire the elder of the people of this forum to have survived the fight from teenager to middle age. I don't think I would be able to cope that long.

Currently I am on 60mg of Fluxoctine a day....That's alot for someone as young as me.
I don't want to be taking meds all my life, I have tried lowering the dose but the pain is just too unbearable.
PMDD has already messed up my life enough - Family life is not brillant, I am not able to go to Uni, now starting work fulltime I am finding things once again a real struggle. The meds have helped me alot but I am scared now with all this extra pressure of my boyfriend - who has indeed been my rock throughout this - moving away to go to uni and myself now working; that I am just going to go back to how I was before.

It's already started.....the thoughts of suicide, the self-harm, the endless tears, the tiredness - so so tired, the confusion, anxiety, lack of any self confidence, some times I can just sit doing nothing, just staring, thinking, for hours on end.

As fellow suffers I have made this post to ask you for advice, I am thinking of a hysterectomy. I don't want to live my life with 2 weeks of every month ruined, living like a mental patients, its demoralising.....Working it out presuming my cycles last for another 30 or so years that's about 600 weeks of my life wasted, due to this indescrible condition.

Sometimes I wonder what have we done to deserve this - only 3-5% of women suffer from PMDD - why did we have to be the 3%?

As I was saying I was wondering if having a hysterectomy is the right thing to do.
Obviously there's no going back.
I shall never be able to have children of my own....not that I want any now - but who knows in the future the option would be nice.
However, the option of living with PMDD for life is not so nice.

** Kezu x
Kezu Kezu 18-21 3 Responses Aug 19, 2008

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I so feel for you! For years we didn't even have a diagnosis, we were just crazy. Do not give up. Live for the good weeks. Be kind to yourself. It is not your fault, PMDD is real.

I say the same thing myself, "What did I do to deserve this? Why do I have to be part of the 3% to suffer?" Before having this condition, I was imagining having kids and being a mom. Now, I never want to do that. While I only had it for three months before diagnosis, it still ruined my life, and if I can't handle it for three months without going insane, how would I handle I nine-month pregnancy? SavingMissy, I've heard of Dysphoric Postpartum Depression and other complications that can occur when giving birth with PMDD, which is why I've decided if I have kids, I'll adopt!

I was actually better during my pregnancies!(2) Although afterwards was tricky and I needed help and understanding. My girls are adults now and they do not have bad symptoms.

Wow...it's crazy to know that there are other PMDD sufferers out there......I was diagnosed two years ago finally after years of mysterious wonderment......this condition also gives you Dysphoric Postpartum Depression after giving birth...... I cut myself one time and could not remember doing it....it was a blind rage. Luckily, I never harmed my baby....she is now 9 yrs old and I have explained my condition with her. It's so terrible...I am now off the meds.....after a year.....and I actually use medicinal marijuana....(yes, that's right) once a month......you know, every two weeks.....also body massages can increase your serotonin levels, which is a good thing. The reason we suffer from PMDD is from the lack of serotonin. I also eat plenty of bananas......that's supposed to help with serotonin levels as well. Oh yeah.....and get PLENTY of exercise....