Newbie :)

Well hello, my story is probably not much different from everyone elses in this group. I'm a 23 yr. old college student who has suffered from (what I thought was) severe PMS since about age 14. My mother also has severe PMS/PMDD, and currently takes medication for hers.

Being a young college student, I dont have healthcare and the clinic at my school is not too quick to sign us girls up for meds, (I'm already on birth control) so I've tried a more introspective psychological approach every month in dealing with my craziness. (Writing during onset, keeping a journal to review my thoughts, self-help books, meditation, etc)

Typically, the symptoms that hit me about a week before I start include: the quick & quite noticeable onset of depression, flaring bouts of irritability, the feeling of being grossly over weight (I'm a size 4-6) and feeling the need to starve myself or even the temptation to purge, intense feelings of lonliness and rejection and just general stress and indecisiveness.

My birth control has generally done an ok job at regulating the severity of my periods & pms, but lately it feels as if its not doing much.

My poor boyfriend of about 5 years has taken to simply avoiding me during this time, and although that generally reduces the potential for arguments or hurt feelings, sometimes this backfires and I'm left feeling so lonely and unloved that I will sit and cry for 3 hours because he hasn't called in a few hours. It's really quite ridiculous. He's a great guy though and has learned that I'm not quite myself at that time... I feel so sorry for him sometimes. I dont yell at him or anything, but I do get extremely clingy during this time and have been known to freak out and assume that he's cheating on me, at a men's club, any manner of crazy things that I know he'd never do.

My work has also begun to be affected over the past few months as well. I've become so irritable that I'll argue with my boss, I get cranky and snap at guys who come into my office and I'm generally just a b*tch to be honest. Many times I've been scared that my boss would fire me just for my attitude during that week.  Thankfully he's incredibly understanding and hasn't said anything so far. :(

The worst part is that I've started drinking a lot (not heavy, but quite frequently) and I'm actually curious to see if anyone here has any experience with PMDD possibly contributing to alcoholism? I generally take valium when I'm overly irrational, (not in excess, nor with alcohol, but just to calm down and not fight everyone!) but I'm scared that if I dont get my emotions under control I'm going to drag myself into the ditch with a bottle of booze...

I think the absolute worst part about this time is the feeling that everyone hates me and that I'm utterly worthless, when I know very well that I have great friends who care about me. I'm tired of abusing myself, my grandfather (who I live with and drag into political & religious discussions) and my poor boyfriend.

My boyfriend will be graduating in about 2 months with a degree in chemical engineering, so we'll be moving where ever he gets a job, (hopefully with this economy right now) and I'm actually hoping that my stress level will go down then, but I'm also terribly scared that our relationship will really suffer during these times. I'm trying to get as much help now as I can so as to reduce my effect on our relationship when we get a new place.

Any suggestions?

Thanks a lot, and its really nice to have a place to chat with people who understand!

 

 

jica jica
22-25, F
Mar 9, 2009