Won't Change Me

i was born with Poland's so i know what you guys are feeling. Sorry to the girls out there with it can't imagine what you are going through as young women. I was left behind by my German mother because of not being born normal. She blamed my father and left me in a motel room 2 weeks after my birth and tried to take off with my brother with her new man. I was lucky for the fact my dad put out an alert to his battalion and someone saw my mother with my brother but not me and walked pass the room and heard baby crying. He saved my life...Growing up with this was not easy for me by no means. When i was a kid most of my class mates were relentless with insults towards my arm and hand. I blamed my dad and god for what i had for many of my young years of life. You can imagine after the movie Scary Movie part 2 came out name calling became worse (grab my strong hand) heard that one soooooooo many times. I don't know how many out their have a shoulder like mine. I'm missing bone, cartilage, and muscle so it looks like a point.....my right side by the way....my arm is shorter, my wrist is locked so i can't bend it backwards, my fingers don't move or bend quite right. tried to be in the military but that would not take me because of this defect. That was a big emotional mind **** since all the men in my family have been military. I felt like i was letting down my family. Depression entered my mind for a long time....why can't i be like everyone else? why was i made this way? why me????? I have had many girlfriends in my life that always told me that my arm is "cute" "cool" like there was nothing wrong with me and it was my own thoughts that made me feel like i had a disability. in my teenage years i coped with my arm and started to prove to everyone that I can do the same stuff as a normal guy. I played baseball better then most and got 3 mvp trophies 3 years in a row. young 20's tried the army one last time and got to meps (medical exam) and had a video of me doing EVERY exercise, EVERY obstacle course, shooting, running, marching, caring 60 pound pack with full gear on in the hot Georgia sun. I was not aloud to join because i could not do one thing......proper hand salute.....more depression......late 20's....now i can build a house from the ground up, can roof, lay and form concrete, can landscape, build rock walls, retaining walls, coy ponds, waterfalls and all...worked at 4 oil refinery's (shell, bp, tesoro, and ConicoPhillips). with the whole time told by the doctors and the military i would never be able to do manual labor.....HA...it took some years and a lot of self refining to get over and be cool with what i have. the only thing i would change is that i would have never wasted my time hating myself for my arm. I have tons of friends, past of many lovers, no one wants me to change a thing about myself. I'm not...i like me.....people like me....love yourself and remember its not your fault that you are a beautiful person...even though some might not think so. Ask ANY of my friends....no one really notices my arm and if someone had a bad thing to say most of my friends will rearrange that persons thought process quick like. Once you get over the fact that you have a small defect your life will change. O and my fiance/ wifeypoo and my daughter love me and say to all of you out there that you are beautiful and need to understand that. I lived a harder life but it was all for what i have now.
stoodalone stoodalone
31-35, M
7 Responses Sep 14, 2012

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When i first watched the movie( I also have PS), it was with my friends, when the guy with the hand came on I felt like every eye was on me, but as great friends, they did not say anything or do anything thank god, but yes that movie does make you feel very put down.

That darn movie made me feel so uncomfortable like it was specifically targeting me alone, silly I know but I have had many moments like that. Especially she guys would make fun of woman for having one slightly smaller breast in front of me, not knowing I had a huge differnce. I don't think my ps is that drastic as I only had one breast that was nearly twice the size of the other and a smaller hand, which was only noticeable if both were together. Although I have heard "u have small hands" when someone shakes my right hand (small one) I don't point out that the other is normal. I just grin. My right arm I think is a bit shorter cause I lift weights and I can't up extend it as much while benching. Thank u for your story u r very motivational, and it was definitely the military's loss, I would have been proud to have u fight for our country!

Inspiring (:

Thank you for this.

Straight motivation.. I can totally relate to this I have PS also, little arm and the slouched side & I've caught a lot of **** about it but it has also made me a much more humble person, and more understanding of others... & I know exactly what you're saying about the Scary Movie 2 haha .. awkward