That Might Explain Things

I don't know. I just wrote a long piece on my experience overseas, but there is a storm outside, and I was knocked off line by a power fsilure just as I was uploading it. I'm too emotionally drained to recreate now.
I just really don't know, I was never wounded, my friends weren't killed around me. But there were other things. It might explain the panic attacks, all the nerve medicine I have taken for the last twenty years. The claustrophbia I never had before then. The constant fidgiting. My own skin declaring war on me during times of stress. The steady decline in the ability to do anything well, when I was once agressivley ambitious and honored for my accomplishments. Unable, totally unable, to manage my affairs after a terrib le loss.  Feel like such a slacker,   I have no bullet holes and I have all. my limbs. Those guys have a reason. God bless them. I just don't know what happened to me, but a different person came home from the war.  I don't want to be that person anymore
teganmarie teganmarie
51-55, T
3 Responses Jul 12, 2010

If your profile is accurate, then we are close in age. I am blessed in that I missed any military service (thank you Mr. Nixon!), but I can relate to your dilemma from a slightly different perspective. <br />
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Perhaps our paths will cross at SCC in a couple of weeks and we can chat?

Getting shot at or even being close enough to the shooting to hear it can change your world view. Anyway, the symptoms you list are a lot like chronic depression. It's a lot like a numb tension and mine at least is accompanied by a lot of flashbacks to negative things. <br />
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Good luck, I often call myself a hemophiliac in a razor blade factory. I've used every trick in the book from will power, self help programs, shrinks, meds (prescription and otherwise), G-d and anything else that's come along.

Sending you warm thoughts, hugs and a few kisses love...