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I Hope Its Pots...

i am NOT diagnosed with pots syndrome officially. i am in the process of being diagnosed, and i truly believe this is the condition that Ive suffered for over a year now. my name is katy and im 19 years old. i didnt write this for someone who has pots to read and feel better about themselves afterwards. i dont know if i have pots or not yet, but ive been suffering from strange and debilitating symptoms just like pots patients. my younger cousin was recently diagnosed with pots syndrome, so theres my reason for believing i might have pots. over a year ago, sept of 2010, i lost my job because i couldnt see straight, i was dizzy and disorientated constantly, and my heart would beat so rapidly that i felt faint, and often had to leave work. i would get nauseous and run to the bathroom to vomit, and eventually i never ate, and i never slept. sometimes a rush came over me and i was scared, but of nothing! i would randomly want to cry, but i didnt, my hearing would vanish and i always felt like i was on some kind of drug or something. my family tried at first, but they didnt believe me, they thought i was crazy until my cousin was diagnosed a year and a half later.but up until now, ive been thrown out of my house multiple times, nearly disowned by my family, accused of being crazy by them, along with hate letters from family members telling me to "find mental help" or ill end up homeless or in jail. this being said from my own family...even the countless numbers of doctors ive seen have told me that its all in my head, that there's nothing wrong with me. my boyfriend was the only one who believed me and he and his family have been supporting me for the last 9 months or so.ive forgotten what being "normal" feels like, i cant remember how i used to see or hear, or feel, im not even sure if i remember who i used to be. i just remember how it felt, and how i took it for granted. when i was younger, starting in the 4th grade, i suffered from fainting spells. the first, at a Christmas play at school. ever since i have fainted over 15-20 or more times in my life until now. the fainting has stopped, but i often feel faint. the consequences of some of the fainting spells had resulted in concussions, none of which i was ever taken to the emergency room for. ever. the symptoms have only gotten worse, but ive been trying to learn how to deal with them. after all, when you think your crazy, you just have to keep living...i was trying to get my life back, get a job, fix my car, pay for my medical needs on my own. but just as i gained the confidence to do so, i learned about my cousin and pots syndrome. and all of the people who never believed me, suddenly want to help! and now, they tell me not to get a job...just because of my cousin. i didnt write this as a cry for attention, or for someone to believe me, i dont care if they do anymore. honestly, i dont have any personal reason to write and submit this. but the reason i did, was because of all the story's ive read from people suffering from pots, ive seen the same tendency in every story i am desperately jealous of, and thats the name. these people have a name for they're torture, treatment and support. you are lucky! extremely lucky! i hope that by someone reading my story that they'll maybe feel a bit better about what they deal with from day to day. i can only imagine the difficulty these people deal with, and im happy that they've found treatment. but for those who may be like me, or that think theyre alone and its all in theyre head, i hope that one day theyll have theyre lives back. maybe i just wasted my time, or ended up looking foolish. but ive got time to waste, and im fool enough. but if this helped anyone, for any reason, then at least i was heard and someone was relieved.
kbarrios93 kbarrios93 18-21, F Oct 23, 2012

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