Losing Strength

Im trying so hard, but I can't control how my body feels and I don't have any money. I want so badly to be better and work again and fix my car but i don't have the means to do it. I can't seem to do anything anymore. I want clean clothes but I can't get up to wash them, I want to see my friends again but I can't get out of bed. I want to eat and take my medicine like I'm supposed to but I can't make the hunger pain go away. I want more than all of that just to see again! To wake up and not be dizzy, to walk without stumbling. I just want to be independent and take care of myself, and yet it seems like no one can take care of me. Almost two years now of saying that "I can't live like this anymore". Well what do you say after your tired of saying that for so long?! I don't want to cry anymore out of anger, I don't want to pity myself and be jealous of the world, I just want to be a part of it again.
kbarrios93 kbarrios93
18-21, F
5 Responses Nov 12, 2012

I'm sorry for not responding, I have read these comments over and over and I am at a loss of words. I feel like I'm losing my mind, I can't think straight or put words together correctly anymore. I am a very strong person, but it's so hard to remain that way when I can't even make sense of my thoughts. I want to be stronger, and I don't want to give up, but I suppose I'm an excuse maker now. I don't want to embrace my "condition" I just want to be rid of it. But I'm do angry that I can't do anything for myself besides try to eat and drink more fluids and exercise, I take my medicine but it's only to retain water and sodium and I'm feeling worse now. I want to fight, but I don't know how to ask for help, and I don't want to have to. I don't want to be negative, but I'm so scared for myself. I'm trying, I won't stop trying. It's hard and hurtful, I feel alone and confused, but it's a battle I will not lose!

I was first diagnosed with POTS at 16 this was after having it for two years prior. Now at going on 22, I am functioning fully and like every other person. Yes, I have my bad days but I can do almost everything that everyone else does. Most days that means I have to talk my way through feeling good. Drink LOTS of Gatorade 2 and try to do a little exercise mainly legs. Even though I know that's the hardest thing to do. When you start to get dizzy put your fingers in ice or ice water and pull your legs up, this makes a world of a difference! Okay now here is the biggest part of all! I now go every 4 to 6 months to get two fluid IVs this keep us hydrated and will be your best friend. It will all get better dont worry! Just be blessed that its not going to kill you!(which I know it feels like it might some day ;))

thank you for your advise, I do really appreciate it. im curious about the iv fluids you receive though, is this something I can request from my doctor??

You can request it through a DR. or just go to the emergency room and ask for one. I have a family friend who is a nurse so he gives me two IVS every 4 to 6 months. Iif you have seen a cardiologist then they would probably be the best to refer you for an IV. I really hope this works for you. I never thought I would beto the point in my life health wise as I am now. POTS rarely takes me down anymore since doing all of this. If you need to talk feel free to email me @ mtrammell1@me.com

Blessings to you:)

I was feeling this way for the longest time, but my mom sat me down and her conversation really helped me. One of the things that makes POTS worse is feeling sorry for yourself 24 7. Yes, it's normal to be upset / depressed sometimes, but being that way all the time just isn't healthy and makes things worse! I was at the point of giving up, but following her advice (which was seemingly impossible) has worked wonders. POTS can be controlled (kinda) with your mind. As hard as it is, you've got to make your mind stronger. Get out of bed in the morning even when your body tells you no. Do the things you want to do even when you feel that you don't have the strength. Sometimes your body will win and you'll pass out, but most times you'll be okay. POTS gets better! I am at the point where I go to college full time and work full time, and I'm way more normal than I was sitting around depressed. Your attitude will change so much.

thank you so much for taking the time to write this, I really appreciated it. I still struggle a lot with depression and anxiety, but it has gotten better, or im just more able to handle the stress. either way I know its my mind that really hurts me, I get so fed up with others that I often find myself running away from the situation instead of solving it. im still learning how to do that, its hard but its good to know that there are people who notice and do care. thanks again, your words helped.

I'm so sorry to hear that, Kbarrios93. I will pray for you.

Thanks, I appreciate it.