What Am I?

My name is Jourdan. I'm usually a typical teenage girl. 16, a social butterfly. But no one seems to know who I really am behind my smiles and giggles. I was diagnosed with Postural Orthostatic Tachycardia Syndrome. One more problem to go in the book. I never knew how serious this condition was until I completely passed out going down the stairs and broke my ankle. My blood pressure stays at 70/40. My heart rate is extremely fast. Nothing I take is working. Sometimes I will sit in my room for hours and just cry. I constantly wonder why this is happening to me, and what makes me so different from everyone else. I have really bad depression as a side affect. When i'm upset, i'm very upset. I need help. I failed my school year. I just feel like i'm a freak. I eat salt right out of my hand to keep my heart rate up. Everyone says i'm dumb because my hair is blonde. I can't finish things I usually start. I cant do sports anymore. Sometimes I wonder why I am living.. I have zero energy to do anything. I have multiple blackouts a day. And no one seems to support me at all. I just feel so alone in the world.
Hevv13 Hevv13
18-21, F
Aug 23, 2013