My Non-existent Childhood

I was born with precoscious puberty. I was a normal kid until the age of 4 when i experienced my first period. As a 4yo i didn't know what was happening and my family were just as confused. I went to many doctors many of whom couldn't diagnose me until i went to the childrens hospital. They did many tests for tumors and other things,I was clear. I developed very fast boobs and pubic hair which was humiliating for me at school. I was different to my peers, more mature,and i was bullied regularly to the point where i isolated myself for many years from taking part in school yard activities.I always felt low self esteem. The emotions that I felt as a result of this was extremely difficult to cope with given the bad home environmnet I was raised in at the time. Doctors could not treat me or slow down my growth at all after many failed attempts. The treatments were also humiliating and I remember them clearly. I used to get an injection as big as a screw driver it took 6 ppl to hold me down at age of 5 dats how terrified I was. The onli treatment I could reciev was provera tablets to stop menstruation. I didn't know and either did my mother that these tablets were a form of contraception. Which sounds pretty messed up considering I was on them from 4- 10yr old. If i had of understood what i was taking i would never had taken them or atleast not for as long as i did. I noticed the change in myself immediately after i stopped taking it i was more energetic ,less depressed, and i jus felt better about myself. I think the worst part of my experience was my sexual urges at such a young age. I felt the urge to have sex realli young and i felt astho this was a wrong thing but i felt ready for it. I lost my virginity too young in a way which was manipulative on my part but i got what i wanted and i was punished when my family found out but i didn't regret it coz it made me feel settled enuf to carry on and feel normal. The onli part i felt bad was disapointing my mum but nobody understood how bad i felt about myself,i wished i was dead i was so confused about my feelings and if i was normal. By 15 my peers started to catch up to me dey towered over my height and girls were jus as developed so i blended beta i was jus more mature with far more life experience. Some topics were taboo wen spoken about amongst friends as i didn't think they could handle wat i was saying without judging me. NOw that im almost 18 my close friends know bout what i went throgh and im no longer ashamed to talk about it and be myself.Me and my mum are now very close ders not 1 thing I cannot tell her im very lucky.Shes da onli 1 who knows wat i went thru with my family issues in childhood and having to grow up too quick coz of that and my early puberty. Things have found a balance altho now im going bak to my specialist after many yrs. I wana know if the early onset off puberty and my family history may cause me to experience early menopause. I no its not sumtin i should b thinking about but this is consistently bugging me as I dont think i could feel any value for myself if i couldn't have children. I fink wat ive written is brief compared to how complex it was for me.I would realli lyk to meet sum1 who has it and share experiences mayb i can feel normal then.

nadinexox nadinexox
18-21
6 Responses Mar 26, 2009

i totaly here u i am 33.

Wow you sound alot like me. Atleast you had a drug to stop the other effects of puberty i got put on long term contraception i am 5'4 in height like you. Now im 21 i stopped taking it coz theres no literature on long term effects of contraception use. I cop from drs other women n my partner i should go back on the pill. I fear ill never have children and the effects on my body. Me and my partner have had unprotected sex for a long time not purposely trying to fall pregnant just coz we do and i think if it was guna happen it probably would have by now. <br />
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I like the blog idea but i dont think it is appropriate to speak to children n add videos on there they are already vulnerable without technology being involved but its something id definitely get involved in if you wanted too. I'm a nurse so im all about health promotion and especially womens health and this topic in particular not enough people know about it or have support. You can email me nadine_shresh@hotmail.com perhaps a facebook page could be a platform :)

Nadine,<br />
<br />
My name is Rachael and I am 30yrs old. Your story is just like mine!!! In fact I still have secrets from the world about my sexual urges at that age and later in life. I felt your pain as you described the doctors holding you down. My doctor always had me undress behind a curtain, he would take cells from my vagina and he would feel my breasts for lumps. I also had my xrays taken and blood taken every 3 months. I hated everyone in that hospital. Worst still, my doctor rarely looked at me in the eyes and he spoke with my parents about it, not me. I felt so naked to the world and yet so alone in my fears and thoughts. I also hated being taken out of school, with everybody asking where I'm going, and I hated my parents talking about it to their parents. I felt that there were secrets and I wasn't involved in the conversation.<br />
I had PP by the age of 6. I grew up in England and they gave me steroids to stunt my puberty growth. It was called Cyproterone Acetate. Not only did it allow me to do normal growth (height) it stopped my breasts from developing further. I took it from the age of 6-10yrs and I started by period 6 months later. I managed to reach 5'3" despite their initial estimates of maximum 4'9". You wouldn't know that I had this condition to look at me now...but I do have many fears about having children of my own. I'm afraid to be pregnant because I'm avoiding having my body feel different again. I'm also afraid of a clinical environment and feeling vulnerable whilst giving birth. This whole experience left me with many scars that control my sexual confidence and my relationships (I push people away). I am thinking about started a blog to help parents and kids communicate about PP. I want to upload videos to have discussions with people like me, parents, and I want to develop a kids section so that I can talk directly to kids. Does anyone think this would be helpful?

domaah i also lost my virginity at the same age n lyk u i had earli sexual urges and my parents treated me lyk **** too.My mum punched me inda jaw n now i have jaw issues and my stepfather said ill amount to nothing yet ima success despite them for never supporting me or tryn to understand.Im doin a nursing degree atm and i moved out of home andfor the 1st time in my lyf im happy. Yet despite the initial shock for my mum dat was the biggest thing i could hav dropped on her n now we talk about it all the time so something bad turned good and prolli a big leap in our relationship isnt just mother daughter its woman to woman much stronger.Dont feel bad now wen i look at it i prolli would have reacted the same if my daughter did the same its parenthood trying to protect ur kids and their innocence from dis fukd up world. But word of advice dont tell ur friends wat age u lost it n wat u get up to until they are older and doing it too coz you will be teased and bullied.I was i fink i was tryn to find sum1 who felt the same but i didnt. dont stress.

i began puberty at 5 and began menstruating at 6. i'm 14 now.<br />
i cant say i've experienced exactly what you have but it was so hard going through primary school hiding everything.<br />
i lost my virginity at 12 but i had sexual urges long before that, when my parents found out they lost so much respect for me and treated me like sh*t.<br />
if you want to talk about anything give us a shout (:

I'm a guy and 18 so can't really help you much. I was just interested in the condition and so well did the next logical thing. google it :D<br />
and was browsing for a while and there is nothing about symptoms of early menopause. I'm sure you googled it already a million times but still. The only way i could relate to this is that I am slightly underdeveloped so gona go on growth therapy. I mean my bones are not complety structured yet and I am 170cm tall (not really frustrated about it) but if I can get taller hey why not. sorry for going off topic... anyway.. wanted to just assure you that there is nothing on the net about early menopause

Considering your way older than me i dunno if youd talk but i am going through this now :( I feel like a compleate outcast at 11 going on 12. I look 16 and feel it too. Ive moved up a level in intelligence but need to move up 3 more for physical. How did you cope? :(