Please Help I Need Your Advise!

I have a very young children with my husband and in the last year he has changed a lot behaviorally, financially and in more ways than just those two. He lost his job because he would sleep in and not get himself to work (completely by his own choice). He constantly takes our one child to school late. Which really bothers our child. He yells and spanks them when he gets angry and frustrated with them. He puts them in their rooms and locks the doors so he can get stuff done or just so he doesn't need to deal with them. This has gotten worse also over the last year. He will make promises to do tasks, and rarely meets any of the expectations that he puts upon himself. So he'll say I'll do A, B and C today. and he may do half of A by next week. Another thing is that he'll say is that he'll do something and then he'll fall asleep and not do anything at all, except maybe his own laundry so that he has clothes to go to work. Our household is suffering from his changes. It's easier to take care of the children than to try to keep up with his messiness, un-organization, and behavioral issues. This is causing me a lot of stress because I'm unable to live the way I would like to live - happier and healthier. Cleaner home, more organized, less chaos (yelling, hitting) I can't even have people over to visit. I can't keep up with him and it's all of the little things that he does that I just can't understand, he leaves chemicals and other hazardous things around with children. He'll be "watching" the children and they destroy the house and I'm expected to fix it. Disregards the unhygienic household issues, he'll put wet clothes in a hamper and let them mold, leaves dirty diapers around or in bags for days or until found. He says that he is depressed, but refuses to go to counseling. He always uses the excuse that the kids and I take up too much of his time. and that's why he can never get anything done. Currently he is working for a relative during the day and a minimum wage job at night his behavior is the same, he goes to both jobs late. His relative makes his meal and commutes him to and from his job.

I have tried many different ways of communicating with him so that he would have a better understanding of how I'm feeling. He just doesn't get it. Will he ever? I'm unsure about what to do. I would like to hear your opinions and thoughts. I feel like I have exhausted all other resources. Thanks.
5stepsforward10stepsback 5stepsforward10stepsback
26-30, F
2 Responses Dec 9, 2012

Poor situation. When it comes to a relationship working, (or not ), the success and failure should be looked at by both partners as 50/50. It doesn't matter if you work or stay at home. If you were a single parent, you would be doing the laundry, cooking, cleaning, shopping, taking care of kids, everything!, all by yourself, after work. (I did it, and yes, sometimes i cried from frustration in the shower when i was alone). My motto is: I am going to proceed in a healthy, productive path regardless of the world around me. If people can't keep up; I will leave them behind!" If you make your home and life the way you you feel that it should be, them chances are that people around you will follow you. If they are a burden, leave them. You are a kick-butt person and there are no excuses for you!

He is definitely depressed. Don't be mad at him. Take him to see a doctor. Depression is a debilitating illness and is not recognisable by people who have never had it. Do some research online and see what the symptoms are. It is a real disease. I am on anti-depressant and it does help.