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The Scars Remain Visible...

I have known about my disorder since i was around 8 yrs old.  I have had a very bad case of psoriasis ever since then.  It covers aprox 65 percent of my body and has for a long time now. wow, almost 20 years.  All throughout my teenage years i have constantly been judged because of it, and belittled because of it.  granted people DO fear what they do not understand, but when yo uhave noone around whom can relate to youm, you feel even worse than usual.  It has affected every single aspect of my development as a person and it impairs my abilty to even approach someone.  I hate it.  I have had so many relationships become estranged due to my insecurities and i'm here left with nothing except my thoughts and my heartbreak....

 

jsigel511 jsigel511 26-30 4 Responses May 27, 2008

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I remember when I first flared up, it covered half my face. I was in jr high and a little plump as it was, and I was bullied mercilessly. Kids on the bus would ask what happened to me, and I would frantically think up anything to say rather than "I am diseased." They would stare and whisper and comment again the next day. I became a complete intravert, always trying to blend in rather than draw any attention to myself. When the bullying continued, I would just quietly take it- I guess too afraid to risk everyone joining their side against me, the freak. Thank goodness for diprolene, which got it off my face! I think one of the worst things was I always wore (and still do) long sleeves and pants, even in the 100* temps we have here. It was very uncomfortable, but I hate the stares or the imagined stares even worse, and hate looking at and feeling my own skin in that condition. Everyone always asks, "aren't you hot?!" ad nauseum or tells me to just go ahead and expose it by wearing shorts/tshirts around them- that they dont mind. A loving guesture, but I would feel like a monster on display showing it all off, and that makes me even sadder, that while my family wants to show support and acceptance, I can't accept myself & don't want them to ever see the extent of the disease. You know the most pathetic parts is, when my dermatologist looks at my skin and doesn't flinch when he touches the affected areas... I see nothing recoil in him and no disgust pass through his eyes; He's looking at the ugliness dead on, and it doesn't even phase him.... and it makes me feel kind of loved for a moment.

I am with both of you!! the frustration and the pain of looking in the morror or hiding away from the world can affect the mind deeply. wanting to do the things i love like going to the beach is a trauma in its self when you are 90% covered. even the ones closest to us do not understand the pain and discomfort of just doing the simple things we love to do....or dont do because of it!!!

I feel your pain as well! I am so frustrated about how my personality and state of mind are affected by having psoriasis. Sometimes it is so bad that I cry the whole time as I get ready in the morning! It is a crappy way to live!