My Life, Hell On Earth.

I guess I will just outline a few details of my life.

My dad married a woman he said he wouldn't marry. One of the first lies I remember him telling me. That didn' t hurt as bad as the beatings that she gave me, or the emotional trauma I would face in the coming years.

My dad's father tried to molest me, twice. And of course my stepmonster convinced my father that I made it up. I tried to put it all behind me, but was arrested at 18 for getting the **** kicked out of me by her. So I moved 3000 miles away.

Many years later, my first husband was shot and killed, and now I suffer from PTSD and the rest of the alphabet soup.

Every day is like an eternity of memories, I can not focus on the good ones, because I can't remember many.

Now I am married again to a wonderful man, who tries to understand my issues. Being that he has never had any of them, he doesn't quite understand and he gets very frustrated with my moods.

I am now retired at a very young age due to mental, emotional and physical problems. I wish that I could do more with my life, I was too afraid to have any children of my own.
EmptyFigureHead EmptyFigureHead
36-40, F
3 Responses May 4, 2012

You shouldn't be afraid to live your life don't let the bad things that happen hold you back. This is coming from someone who knows and can relate to abuse, molestation at a young age, fiscal torture, also mental abuse. had quite a few struggles of my own and still wonder how I've made it this far. I have no social security number because of my dads beliefs so its been hard to get one at my age now. I am also now dealing with other struggles and cry almost everynight because I found out my ex who I love so dearly is going to die of cancer and doesn't have long. Life for me has never stopped piling up more and more than I can take but somehow I'm gonna live through it cause I have a saying " As long as the heart still beats" which means to me that no matter whats going on my heart is always keepin on :) you live in the past, the present or the future ?

If you can, try therapy with a professional. Some agencies offer services at low or no cost.<br />
It would be helpful for both of you to have a better grasp of the situation. Your spouse can then be part of the solution.

I have been in therapy every week for 6 years, just moved to Costa Rica because I can't afford to live in USA and they don't have many therapists here. Hence me talking on this site.