Depression Go Bury Yourself!

I am so over depression, I hate it. If I had a broken leg they could just fix it. This last low has really bowled me for 6. Sometimes I wish depression was something you could touch and see so I could bash the living daylights out of it for being such a sadomasochistic ****. I want to find a cure for all types of mental illness, a single pill you take (that is NOT lethal) and fixes everyone, first go. If only. I love the whole concept of having a magic wand, it's been mentioned to me heaps over the last 12 years. Bring on the magic wand. Suffice it to say I am still alive, but barely after this past week, it was a close call. Arrrrrrrrrrrrrggggghhhhh! I was doing so damn well, then things just had to happen and send me hurtling backwards. I hate this disease it is so cruel. Not only has it sent me flying backwards, it's also left me with no bloody energy or motivation to fix it up again. This pit just sucks, maybe if I cry enough the pit will start to fill up then I can swim out! Margaret Wherenberg, I hope your book helps because it is taking so much effort to read it and try to register the words. Blah blah blah blah! Ok, that is all.
Butterflyshoes Butterflyshoes
22-25, F
2 Responses Aug 20, 2012

I know what you're going through, too. I like that. One pill is all it takes. In high school, we would make it a point to eat a Doritos chip, and even though it wasn't a pill, we would eat the chip, and we'd smile. "Eating a happy chip?" One would ask. Sure, it wasn't the chip itself that made us happy, but the desire to be happy, and do a simple thing that assured our minds that it had some kind of magic to make us feel better, and it worked.
What we need to do, when we have depression is to fight it. Learning to break it is hard, but it could be as simple as turning on the TV and watching something funny. Focus completely on the TV show. You will laugh. Watch it over and over again until the sadness fades. Don't let the brain's dysfunction have time to react. You have to trigger it to change by exposing it to different stimuli. If you're angry, go to the gym and hit a punching bag or play a violent video game that helps your anger be expressed, but doesn't hurt anyone. The anger will eventually pass. Same with sadness, depression, and anxiety. You have to stimulate it with a new active stimuli, not just a thought. Your brain has to be stimulated in a completely different way in order to destroy the negative cycle. I know you don't feel like doing anything fun at the moment you are depressed. You WANT to stay in bed. Well, you aren't going to get any better by doing that. Force yourself to get up, and say to yourself, "I refuse to be depressed!" and then take a walk, listen to your favorite music, play a game, or immerse yourself into an activity that takes your mind off the pain. When I experience PTSD from the war, I talk about it with people. I play a violent video game. I make the game easy with codes so i always win, and I don't get frustrated, as any frustration will make it worse. I express my feelings in a positive, controlled, theraputic way. Join a PHP therapy group at your local psych hospital if they have one, like I did. The friends that you make there will be the best friends in your life, and because they all go through the same things you do, they understand and support you all the time. Those are the best kinds of friends in the world. Meds only do so much. We must be active in our self-therapy to beat our natural vices. And if people judge us for it, it's because they are completely in denial about the fact that they have the exact same problem. There are only two kinds of people in the world. The diagnosed and the undiagnosed. But both have some kind of mental illness. Nobody is perfect. Thinking oneself is perfect is the sign of a delusional mind! So how mentally ill is that? There is no such thing as "normal." Normal is only a point on a mathematical graph. If you doubt yourself, and say, "I'm never happy." Turn the phrase into a question, and consider it. "Am I really never happy?" Then think back to all the good times in your life. "I have no friends." That becomes, "Do I really not have any friends?" Then name people in your life that care about you. If no names come to mind, find some friends with similar interests and issues in their lives. "I'm fat and ugly," becomes "Am i really fat and ugly?" Chances are, you look better than Fat Albert and the "E-Street Monster," an old bag-lady in San Bernardino. But even good old Angelique was a wonderfully sweet person, despite her ability to make people vomit at the sight of her. I know this as i had no fear, and i talked to her often. You have to choose, even though it is hard, to want to fight back against depression. Meds do only so much. It's time to fight fire with fire. When one side of your mind is fighting you, fight back with the other side of your mind.
I suffer from Bipolar type 2 ( manic-depressive ), audio schizophrenia, severe anxiety and PTSD from child abuse, war, homelessness and poor working conditions - including involuntary labor and slavery. It happens. S*** happens. But when we fall, we need to learn how to pick ourselves up again, and then PUSH ourselves UP!
Good luck to you all

When you find the wand, please share. ugh Ptsd is a ***** with relatively no cure to my experience and dismay. May we all find peace.