To Continue....I am spending a lot of time in bed these days. It scares me to know how good it feels to feel safe. I've put serious thought into why i don't have the capability to get going. Fear. Scared that if I get up things will just be swept out from under my feet. It's easier just to not have any expectations... then what can go wrong? it's safer this way. I say if I get up I will.... whatever. And some of those thoughts are not pleasant. So yeah I'm keeping myself safe from myself. But I can't get too comfortable in this reality. Because the real world expects me to be a mother, wife, and worker as I return to work on Wednesday. I can't live in the safety of my bed. Others have expectations of, from me. How long can I tell people I'm in bed cause I don't feel well...even though that's true to a degree. I can't listen to my husband, my daughter ask me when I'm getting up day after day. But in my mind I can't but help think what are my expectations? Screw everybody else... My expectations follow what my other story new years resolutions not does. I want...I want... I want... but how can I deal with getting wiped out again by what's out there in the real world. I can't hide from it forever. I know I really need to work on my coping skills so I don't have to hide under blankets soft warm comfortable and safe....very safe.
ilove2tri 51-55, F 2 Responses 1 Dec 30, 2012