Nerves Of Cobwebs

 You know, I don't even remember if I've posted here before. I have such a wonderful brain. I really hate posting in these types of threads . I usually try to keep my pity posts to my blog. I just had to speak on the phone twice and I was testing an online game and somone tried to talk to me and it set offa panic attack. I have better days than others and the past couple of days it's been a battle with my brain and nervous system.

  The low down is I have PTSD, chronic severe anxiety, panic d/o, coupled with brain and nerve damage. I don't take psych drugs per se. i have neurontin and valium although I usually only take the valium if i leave the house which is almost never. I was just starting to get hypnotherapy when my BF lost his job and so I am back to nothing. I live alone, my BF is in TX.

The past two days I've been battling panic attacks over the smallest things. I am what I call "potentialophobic". I fear anything that has the potential to harm me. It was a long road getting this way.

between the phone calls, the game and my financial situation I'm almost petrified right now, shaking and it's really hard to maintain coherant thought. Don't let the post fool you, I've been sitting here for 35 minutes trying to make it. Usually I can override to an extent and cling to a routine and control my thoughts better but I'm having one of those times that i can't. I keep slipping into a child mind.

3rd phone call. ugh my daughter all 3 times and she stresses me out.

bitterdregs bitterdregs
46-50, F
5 Responses Nov 10, 2009

im sorry for your situation. I have the same thing. I was in an abusive marriage 17 years, I have not been able to leave the house for two days now, after x was verbally abusive over 15 emails. I tremble when I wake, not shake, but twitch kinda, my heart raises, sweating, What have you done to try to get help?

Hi jamie, so sorry you are going through this. I have been in abusive relationships too which is a lot of what made me this way. I'm in a good relationship now though. A man who understands all I've been through and he has helped tremendously in bringing me to as normal of a state as I can achieve. He works in other states so he's not here a lot but he's been very supportaive. I ended up moving and being alone so much I had to adapt. My first thing was going to the Y. The staff was very good about telling me when the least amount of people would be there. I also had to take public transportation. It's really hard at first but if you keep doing it, it gets much better. I don't even have to take a valium sometimes when I go to the store now. BUT then I moved again and now I'm all isolated again but still doing pretty good. I'd say..get a new email address. Don't let him have it. Then force yourself to go for walks. Just start half a block a day. The more you get out, the better it will get. I kinda made walking and gardening my thing. Plants don't hurt you. Walking helps you clear your head.

keeping yourself busy by reading pocket books, beautiful inspiring stories, adventures..... <br />
find a place somewhere, peaceful.. a beach maybe ... well , it is just my own point of view..

SO sry for this late *** return post..!!!!!<br />
i read this post when you first posted it and I apologise for hiding from it for so long. i was tripping around some of my stories and fell back to it again and don't really remember why I fled the last time.. <br />
oh so sry and forgive my slightness in attention to details and others attempts towards sharring...<br />
somethings never change, even when we put up shields tohide them from ourselves!<br />
<br />
hope things have gotten better with the holidays approaching.... may you also have a nice new years as well...<br />
again forgive me<br />

I have a sign on my door saying " do not knock or ring doorbell without an appointment". On halloween morning, some politicain wanna be came by with flyers and felt the need to knock and get my dog barking while I was naked and not even out of bed yet. Thinking it was the landlord I hopped out of bed and searched for clothes, and this is painful first thing in the morning before my meds ( fibro/ms/nerve damage), dog is barking and going nuts. By the time I get to the door the person is leaving in their car and has left some stupid flyer in my door. I don't even know how they saw my house from the road. So for hours my adrenalin was up and I was shaking and crying and was finally forced to take a valium to make it quit. People have no idea the events they can set off in someones life just by knocking. I wish the whole door to door thing was illegal.<br />
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My daughter had been living with me for awhile but it all blew up because she could'nt give me a moment's peace. having her boyfriend come in and out of the house at all hours of the night. She thought I was just being controlling but I'm sorry when i get up to go to the bathroom at 4 am and run into a 6'4" guy I barely know in my own house in the hallway..yah I am going to have a panic attack. She thinks i fake the attacks for control. I wish that were the case. I'm not sure how you can fake spontaneous sweats and uncontrollable crying but that is what she chooses to believe so she is'nt the bad guy by being unsympathetic to a situation I can't control.<br />
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I understand about the noise. There have been times I've had to unplug every appliance in the house because I am so hypersensitive to sound.<br />
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I wish I could go back to my shrink. I really thought this guy had a chance of helping me.<br />
<br />
I hate this. I was always so strong in the past. I never thought I would end up like this. Now that the kids are gone I thought I'd be able to enjoy life and do the things I never did...but I am trapped by my own psyche.

I feel your pain and suffering as it was my own.. I have been on gaurd for a week now, every thing unnerves me so much that I have to demand there be NO noise in the house. Friggen PTSD and Anxiety suck Hang in there..your not alone on this. I DO undersatnd