I Have Suffered From P.t.s.d. For Over 15 Years Now.....

Oh where to begin.....when I was 20 I lost my best friend in a car accident. Then 2 years later my roomates 11 month old baby was killed in a freak accident.(my 5 year old son & I both wittnessed) 4 months after that my boyfriend of 4 years commited suicide (stating it was my fault).
It was several months later that strange things started happening (physical symptoms) I went to MANY doctors...the symptoms were a little different each time...I thought I was dying, I could not sleep, eat,or function in any circumstance.
I then got involved in an abusive relationship that lasted 4 years ...The only good thing to come out of that was my daughter!
I went through trauma after trauma.......continuing to see doctor after doctor...FINALLY after years of this I was diagnosed.....I take medication and have been to therapy, but still have many issue's I have social anxiety and panic disorder ( a long list of phobia's) I can't work.
I have a hard enough time even going into a store......In my 20's i self medicated with alchahol....I don't drink anymore.
Now in the last few years I have lost both of my parents (they were my gramdparents, but they raised me)
I am now getting divorced from my husband of 10 years...............so here I am ( I am sure I have left out MANY other things) but you get the point.
I don't expect a "magic fix" , but I think maybe talking with people that can understand how dibilitating this condition can be, may be helpful?? ANYTHING is worth a try!! Thanks for listening and take care!!
orchidlilly orchidlilly
36-40, F
2 Responses Jul 27, 2010

I understand. I have it so bad that i walk near a trigger and i lose my breath or start having burning sensations and my heart literally starts to hurt as if it being squeezed. Its not an easy thing to live with. I dont even feel safe in my own house let alone in a super market. Life for people with PTSD sucks.My hair falls out alot, my chest hurts, everytime the phone rings i think its gonna be something bad, anytime theres a knock at the do i feel like crying cause i dont know who its gonna be. I feel you pain i really do. I'm not seeing anyone and i'm not on meds. I think i need to see someone and get on something to ease this but my husband thinks hes all the theroapy i need. lol Cute but not enough.

I have spent 30 years dealind with loss of life in my career. lost many friends. those who do not have PTSD will never understand. <br />
I wish u the best in life and never quit<br />
<br />
Gunner