Do I Have Ptsd?

15yrs ago, aged 20 I was in a relationship with a very manipulative family friend ( who was the absolute love of my life and I had met aged 13) which turned extremely violent, resulting in my battery, depression, feelings of low self worth, kicks & punches, emotional abuse, torture, bulimia, financial slavery, strangulation, death threats to the rest of my family, break ins and threatened suicide. I was finally able to escape and split up from him after a couple of years.

A few months later he broke in to my home. I returned from work where he was waiting for me, paraletically drunk on the sofa. I tried to escape and he took my keys and locked me in the house. battered me with heels of shoes, weights, stabbed me in my feet and strangled me till I passed out . woke me up pouring water all over me. and continued to tell me that he was going to kill me. After a few more hours of torture he passed out drunk - and I managed to find some spare keys I had hidden in the drawer and escape to get the police.

A few months later after release from prison he killed himself as he obviously had severe mental & alcohol problems, and I finally felt safe ( that may sound horrible I know) and managed to move on with my life. I thought nothing more about it. I can honestly say that. I put it down to him being extremely unstable and a terrible upbringing by his schizophrenic mother. I didn't get counselling because I didn't think I needed it and have thought nothing more of him or my experiences.

However, A few days ago I started having violent sexual dreams of being strangled and suffocated whilst being forced to have sex , terrified - yet I am really really enjoying myself in these dreams. I feel disgusted in myself when I wake up and think I am some kind of pervert. The only person who has ever strangled me was him, and it was the same terrifying experience except that I was enjoying it. It's actually making me feel sick thinking about it. My logical mind tells me it must be some form of PTSD?
misswoofalot misswoofalot
31-35
2 Responses Aug 8, 2010

WOW READIN UR STORY REMINDS ME OF ME...I WENT THRU ALL OF THAT WIT MY BOYFRIEND I MUST SAY U R LUCKY HE PASSED OUT DAT DAY UNFORTUNATELY FOR ME HE SHOT ME 5TIMES AND THEN SHOT HIMSELF IN THE HEAD...

I would definitely recommend seeing a therapist. It could be ptsd, nightmares are one of the symptoms. Are you experiencing anything else, like flashbacks?