I Have Ptsd
I am a strong and capable woman, always cheerful and motivated. I love to travel, and I make friends very easily. I have lived in four different countries, and until six weeks ago, I was comfortable walking alone anywhere, day or night.
I moved to a new country 7 weeks ago. Within a week of my arrival, I was going for a walk in an area I had been assured was safe, and two young men stopped me, grabbed my arm, and probably asked me for money, though at the time I couldn't understand what they were saying because it was a foreign language. I was surprised by their approach, escaped their grasp, and I ran. I ran until I couldn't see them any more, walked a few blocks, constantly turning around to see if they were behind me, and then turned a corner and they appeared again. One man grabbed me from in front and the other from behind, and they were trying to remove my backpack and my purse. I scratched and screamed until they ran away.
As I left them, I reflected on my experience and decided not to make a big deal out of it. They had attacked, but escaped with nothing, and I didn't want to assume a victim mentality or have it become my story. I decided to simply be more careful and move on with my life.
But it's not that simple. I stopped thinking about them, but it activated some deep-seated fears within me. For a while I was afraid to walk anywhere, day or night, afraid to leave the house, afraid to go anywhere near the area where I had seen these men. But with the aid of some flower essences, I steeled my courage, and I'm able to walk around with relative comfort.
But what hasn't returned is my joyful spirit, my motivation, my love of life. I wake up depressed every morning, and do very little. I wonder what's the point. Although I had made strong connections with all my friends before I moved here, I have barely contacted any of them, and my contact has been superficial. I feel like I don't have anything to say. I am living in a beautiful apartment in a gorgeous city and I have a great job, and I can't enjoy any of it. I barely make it to work, and I don't bother going to the ocean which is right at my doorstep. Everything feels like too much effort.
Although these men did not take any of my possessions, it feels as if they have stolen my spirit, and I'm not sure how to get it back. What bothers me even more than the attack, is that I seem unable to access my usually strong and capable nature in order to deal with this, and I don't know how something so small could still be having such a huge effect on me.
I moved to a new country 7 weeks ago. Within a week of my arrival, I was going for a walk in an area I had been assured was safe, and two young men stopped me, grabbed my arm, and probably asked me for money, though at the time I couldn't understand what they were saying because it was a foreign language. I was surprised by their approach, escaped their grasp, and I ran. I ran until I couldn't see them any more, walked a few blocks, constantly turning around to see if they were behind me, and then turned a corner and they appeared again. One man grabbed me from in front and the other from behind, and they were trying to remove my backpack and my purse. I scratched and screamed until they ran away.
As I left them, I reflected on my experience and decided not to make a big deal out of it. They had attacked, but escaped with nothing, and I didn't want to assume a victim mentality or have it become my story. I decided to simply be more careful and move on with my life.
But it's not that simple. I stopped thinking about them, but it activated some deep-seated fears within me. For a while I was afraid to walk anywhere, day or night, afraid to leave the house, afraid to go anywhere near the area where I had seen these men. But with the aid of some flower essences, I steeled my courage, and I'm able to walk around with relative comfort.
But what hasn't returned is my joyful spirit, my motivation, my love of life. I wake up depressed every morning, and do very little. I wonder what's the point. Although I had made strong connections with all my friends before I moved here, I have barely contacted any of them, and my contact has been superficial. I feel like I don't have anything to say. I am living in a beautiful apartment in a gorgeous city and I have a great job, and I can't enjoy any of it. I barely make it to work, and I don't bother going to the ocean which is right at my doorstep. Everything feels like too much effort.
Although these men did not take any of my possessions, it feels as if they have stolen my spirit, and I'm not sure how to get it back. What bothers me even more than the attack, is that I seem unable to access my usually strong and capable nature in order to deal with this, and I don't know how something so small could still be having such a huge effect on me.
By:
nnnn111
Age:
51-55
