My Experience

I worked in a prison in the army and saw a lot of messed things that included rape, cannibalism, murder and other just plain crazy ****. I was stabbed a few times and even developed bleed from veins in my nose and eyes from the stress. I was out of the army for about 6 months when I started having issues like not sleeping for days or weeks, feeling depressed and hopeless, fears, having numbness, being unresponsive in a lifeless state and paranoia. I was made to go to the va after attempting to shoot myself. The shrink said I had PTSD, and they sent me to two other doctors that said the same thing. I was put in a program with classes. When I moved the new VA region made it harder to get treatment because they only give it for combat. So I had to go through behavioral health. They had me doing CPT and it got so intense they were making go 3 times a week so I quit going because it was emotionally taking over my life. I then got married and had a extremely abusive wife who beat me and kept me trapped and isolated. After her arrest and the last attack I have had more and even new issues. I just shutdown more and have more fear. I am afraid of the VA to be honest every time I go the treatment gets to intense.
Gwerd Gwerd
26-30, M
3 Responses May 28, 2012

Keep trying! It took me years before I found out I had PTSD. It then took me a few years to admit it to myself. Then it took around a year for me to reach for help. I look back and feel kinda stupid......I'm smarter than that!<br />
I attend a group called pointman and it really helps. They focus on vets mainly and provide better support than the VA can offer.<br />
I did attend a one on one type counseling for the past 9 months. Problem is, my counselor has PTSD too and I triggered his reactions so often he was now getting flashbacks himself! Makes me feel really awful.<br />
Keep trying and at some point a "light" comes on and things make sense. It will happen if you try to deal with it, it just won't happen when you want it to!<br />
Keep in mind.....You are not Alone!<br />
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i have no answer i am sorry<br />
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many have ptsd but the goverment refuses to name it not just the current wars bit viet nam<br />
i tested off the scale for ptsd about 5 years ago and the doctor told me he had never seen my score on a person not locked up <br />
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then he said the only reason i am not is i work for my self<br />
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i have seen thing i cannever talk about, i have killed way to many others when i was 18 and 19 years old<br />
i lost my wife over there she was killed walking to work on 1/14/1967 by a child that was a bomb it was the day after i was shot down by friendly fire we were told<br />
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then we got homw we were not given jobs we were spite on and called names by people who had no idea of when on over there many did not use drugs like tv said we did most never killed a child and never would i have seen more children kill us the we killed them<br />
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i think one song says it best and that is a song called 19

I'm sorry that you had to endure so much violence. It is hard to live with PTSD, everyday is a struggle. I know because I have it also. I also know how intense therapy can be. Maybe you can talk to the VA and they can limit the number of treatments you have to attend. You can also ask your doctor if he will give you some medication for anxiety, so you can take that before your session. <br />
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I hope things get better for you.