How Ptsd Has Affected Me

With every other disorder and disability I have, PTSD just never seemed important until a few years ago. It was 2008, and I had gained the wonderful opportunity to move out of my parents' house and live with another family in New York. I was going to help their daughter who is a high functioning autistic by keeping her company, and easing her anxiety for doctor's appointments and the like. The daughter and I had met online, and her mother and I talked frequently about me trying to find other things out there.

I wanted new experiences, and to get out of Baltimore. I wanted a chance be without my parents, and try for a normal life. Well, it went well, for a few months. But the bad things about the time there far outweighed the good. There was frequent yelling and screaming in the house, and old tapes of my childhood began to plague me. I would get sick, physically, and start throwing up everywhere.

When I returned to Maryland 2 years later, I told my parents about how things really were. Guess what? They had me returned home. I've been on medication for severe anxiety disorder, but that only helps part of the time. Yelling and screaming and certain noises seem to be effecting me all the time now. My primary and i have decided it to be PTSD. What may seem like a normal confrontation or argument to some is an all out battle of defense and upset stomach to me. While normal people can call and ***** about an extra charge on a phone bill, I can't do that. any kind of conflict, big or small makes my stomach flip.

Crowds frequently, though not as often with Cymbalta, spook the hell out of me. It even effects me online. And no one understands why. Even though I've tried to explain it to my stepfather, he doesn't really understand mental disorders, or any of that. I sure as hell don't proclaim to be an expert.

All I can say is Thank God for modern medicine, and animals that don't judge. I think I'd probably be institutionalized if it weren't for those two things and my strong willed mother.
AgilePhoenix AgilePhoenix
31-35, F
2 Responses May 31, 2012

ptsd is not a mental disorder. it's a physical brain injury. psychotropic drugs may help you with anxiety and other symptoms but there is no drug treatment that is known to work as a ptsd treatment. i am looking into what therapies are available in my country as an alternative to medication. i can't take anti-ds as i end up with weird psychotic symptoms on top of my ptsd while on them. from your desc<x>ription it definitely sounds like ptsd, right down to the inability to deal with an extra charge on one of your bills. for me the anxiety is so debilitating at times that i won't use the phone in a situation like that, i will email. but lulz... sometimes even then i won't check for a response because of my irrational fear. <br />
<br />
try to seek out a therapist who is using some technique apart from drug treatment or talk therapy. like peacefuldove7 suggests above, EMDR therapy is one that is meant to work... i'm still looking to see if i can find someone who does this in my country. ptsd isn't as easy to heal as other mental illnesses because it's not a chemical imbalance in the brain, it's a physical injury to the neural pathways from the hippocampus. sorry, i don't know all the ins and outs of it, just the research i've done on this condition. pm me anytime if you want to chat about things, i will respond even if i take my time... <br />
<br />
peace be with you, xx

Sorry you had such a horrible experience. It's my Catholic faith that pulls me through and I'm getting much better. I'm not a fan of medication. EMDR is a good option for treating trauma. Google it. It helps heal horrible memories and events. There are videos that explain what it is. My Dr. who is trained in this says he could give meds but he said he'd rather that I practice the skills we have learned and gone over in therapy and practice some more until the brain knows what mode to kick into when things start escalating. Hope this helps.