How Ptsd Has Affected MeWith every other disorder and disability I have, PTSD just never seemed important until a few years ago. It was 2008, and I had gained the wonderful opportunity to move out of my parents' house and live with another family in New York. I was going to help their daughter who is a high functioning autistic by keeping her company, and easing her anxiety for doctor's appointments and the like. The daughter and I had met online, and her mother and I talked frequently about me trying to find other things out there.
I wanted new experiences, and to get out of Baltimore. I wanted a chance be without my parents, and try for a normal life. Well, it went well, for a few months. But the bad things about the time there far outweighed the good. There was frequent yelling and screaming in the house, and old tapes of my childhood began to plague me. I would get sick, physically, and start throwing up everywhere.
When I returned to Maryland 2 years later, I told my parents about how things really were. Guess what? They had me returned home. I've been on medication for severe anxiety disorder, but that only helps part of the time. Yelling and screaming and certain noises seem to be effecting me all the time now. My primary and i have decided it to be PTSD. What may seem like a normal confrontation or argument to some is an all out battle of defense and upset stomach to me. While normal people can call and ***** about an extra charge on a phone bill, I can't do that. any kind of conflict, big or small makes my stomach flip.
Crowds frequently, though not as often with Cymbalta, spook the hell out of me. It even effects me online. And no one understands why. Even though I've tried to explain it to my stepfather, he doesn't really understand mental disorders, or any of that. I sure as hell don't proclaim to be an expert.
All I can say is Thank God for modern medicine, and animals that don't judge. I think I'd probably be institutionalized if it weren't for those two things and my strong willed mother.
AgilePhoenix 31-35, F 2 Responses 2 May 31, 2012