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After My Divorce

After my husband divorced me,back in 2005, I couldn't watch TV shows or movies that had to do with marriage, divorces, couples fighting, or even weddings. I still look away when I see people kissing on TV.. though I feel sad when I see couples walking hand in hand out in public.

This was when I was told I have PTSD. I have many family members who had gotten divorced and shared that it was very painful process. Little did I know how painful it could get until I experienced it. I had to erase all those 6 years of memories of my husband. I couldn't look at certain landmarks- such as his former apartment where I met him, it hurt too much.

Last night I had a bad dream about my husband again, and I have no idea where this came from. Every time I see him, he start acting like a long lost friend and thinks I want him back. He's a die-hard jerk!

Haha.. what a joke! HE divorced me in the first place. We tried reconciling 5 times after that, but it didn't work out. He was too dang maniplative and an alcoholic. I flat out want nothing to do with any guy who drinks!

But now I'm in my early 40's, I often think about dating again, but I am too scared to try again. I am afraid of getting hurt and being taken advantage of!



noaht43 noaht43 41-45, T 4 Responses Jun 26, 2012

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I too have Divorce PTSD after my long term marriage. Then she died of cancer 2 years later. So I feel like a got double dose of PTSD. I did not wish for her die. I was cut out of caring for her, her funeral, obit, everything. She walk out and we were not even fighting. Just gone then gone. No one knows how I feel as I hide it. But I hurt.

Hi I would like to get a sponsor who will help me in to the transformation process

Hang in there. Time will lessen the pain. Speaking from (way too much) experience.

I understand. I had 2 bad marriages in my 20's. I married for the wrong reasons.
I understand your PTSD feelings also but from the good ones. I am a double widower. These were the good ones. One was the love of my life & the other was my best friend for 30 years. I think of them every day. Pass by places we knew. All are sensitive areas every time I experience them.
Being in a relationship means you must open yourself to another. That's extremely difficult when your memories of sharing with a partner are painful. It's also painful to try to get close to someone after loosing a fulfilling love relationship. You don't want to experience that pain again.
And then there is the pain of being alone. Not having a companion to share things with. Even if you're a solitary person, most want some companionship. Everyones pain threshold is different. I asked one time about having an operation on my back, should I allow them to mess with my spinal cord or not. The answer I got was; "If you can stand the pain, you don't get the operation. If you can't stand the pain, you operate."
Surround yourself with people who make you happy. With people who make you laugh, who help you when you're in need. People who would never take advantage of you. People who genuinely care. They are the ones that are worth keeping in your life. Everyone else is just passing through. Don't be afraid to show them to the door.

Thanks so much for reading my story and be able to relate. I still get flashbacks, and recently in my dreams again. Its getting tiring after a while having unwanted people in my dreams repeatedly. And not much I can do about it at this time. Maybe later.

It does help to talk. Let me know if I can help.