Mri Triggered Episode

I recently went to get an MRI for my lower body. I have had MRI's in the past and dealt with them ok, but needed the sedative if my head was pulled into the machine.
I was assured that only my lower body would be in the machine, so I did not ask for any sedative.
The problem began when the technician lined up my hips and legs, then taped my feet together so they would not move.
Ok...I'm dealing with it, but the memories start to drift in.
I "self talk" that I'm in 2012, everything is ok, I'm in a medical's ok!
I am then pulled into the machine totally. My head is not out like I was told it would be. The dead silence, then knocking sounds muffled by the ear muffs and my feet being bound set me over the edge.
It was several minutes of lying there that I realized where I was. I had flashed back to an earlier time and was quite confused along with being terrorized.
They gave me a rubber "bulb" to squeeze if I needed to stop or move.
I did squeeze it to stop the process.
It was very embarrassing for me. I was tearing up, shaking and overcome with emotion.
This brought me back to my days in the 80's when I recovered the body of a young boy from a drainage culvert (pipe that runs under a road).
I am a certified diver with rescue and cave diving specialties. Being confined has not been a problem.
The recovery was done without an air tank, but using a compressor on land. I had my wetsuit on, chest harness and no fins. My feet were tied together in what we call an "H" pattern and a mainline connected to the carabiner between my feet. I had a thinner (6mm) communication/safety rope connected to my vest/harness. There was a ladder across the entrance of the culvert and one of the firefighters would strike it every minute, two times with a mallet. This helped me to manage my time and progress in clearing the way for the recovery.
The sad part is that this was a recovery, not a rescue.
When I did get pulled out with the lifeless ten year old, it was the worst.
It always seems that people expect miracles and the towns folk watching let out their grief upon seeing the boy's condition. Their verbal tone was once again with me in that MRI.
I did my job and was sucessful, just not in the manner we all wish it could be. It is a terrible sight to see any human that has been swept away like this. You only look part human. All your "points" are rubbed off by the violence of the raging water. It is no longer a bloody scene, but a water decaying type scene. I was prepared for that part, as I remember seeing my first drowning victim.
Sliding through the MRI with it's confining round walls, banging sound mixed with dead silence and my feet being bound really did it to me.
I hope this does not bother anyone that reads it. I needed to get this off my chest and shared it here in hopes that others can write specifics also. Thanks to those that can understand and for those that can't....well what can I say?
SharpOwl SharpOwl
51-55, M
1 Response Sep 11, 2012

You did the best you could to save that boy. I'm sorry for the flashback trauma though. I get that a lot, so I understand what you went through.