Post

I'm Deeply Traumatized (journal Poem)

Deeply traumatized
From the
Previous
Night

Sends me
Into emotional
Pain
And tears.

Something
Happened to
Me that
Traumatized me
So badly
I can't think
About it too
Much
Without
Breaking into
Tears.

Wanting to
Move on
But the
Feeling of
Being lost
And so
Alone
Frightens me
More.

With nobody
To talk to
Today

Their lack of
Understanding
Will happen

This saddens
Me more.

I cannot
Say what
Really happened
Because it
Hurts a lot.

And it'll
Keep making
Me cry.

The pain
Is so
Raw

The memories
Are terrifying
And embarrassing

Sending me
Into shame.

Feeling God
Had slapped
Me in the
Face
Really hard
Out of love

And I
Deserved it.

Yet he
Blessed me
In a way
I wouldn't
Understand.

But I
Believe I
Learned a
Hard lesson.

I literally
Had to
Experience it
To understand
The risk
Involved

Yet people
Warned
Me.

They worried
They cared

I appreciate
The kind
Feelings of
How they
Felt about
Me.

But the
Trauma
Involved is
Not something
I'll get
Over
Very soon.

It's not
Something I'll
Have an
Easy time
Talking about
It either.

For it makes
Me cry.

It's a
Terrible
Mistake I
Made
For my
Own lifetime

Mark my
Words
I shall
Not repeat
This.
noaht43 noaht43 41-45, T 4 Responses Sep 23, 2012

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Don't know what it was that happened to you, but I still totally get what you're trying to say. I know, because I've been there too. Something that hurt and shocked me so bad it makes me sick just thinking of it. Like you, I can't talk about it too. Every time I try, I end up in a sort of "panic attack".
I don't know whether people around me have been trying to be supportive, or not. It's impossible to tell. That kind of makes you feel isolated, doesn't it? And, what makes it worse is the constant feeling of "maybe I did something to cause it", "maybe I deserved it".
There are times when I've tried to write about it. I have a small book of poetry, and I'm starting my own "blog". Not sure if that will eventually free me from what I feel now. I guess it depends on whether I ever find the courage to get it all out!
Your poem is heartfelt and honest. So many people seem to have lost touch with that nowadays. We are all supposed to learn from our experiences, but many people are so fake, I doubt they can even be honest with themselves.
It takes a rare courage and level of integrity to bare your soul. You have both, and that's a good start. At least if you recognise your own errors, you can begin to sort them out. You may not be able to change other people, and sometimes they may be the cause of your troubles. Stay away from those kinds of people, and concentrate on making yourself the best you can be.
Best wishes -
Elaine.

Don't know what it was that happened to you, but I still totally get what you're trying to say. I know, because I've been there too. Something that hurt and shocked me so bad it makes me sick just thinking of it. Like you, I can't talk about it too. Every time I try, I end up in a sort of "panic attack".
I don't know whether people around me have been trying to be supportive, or not. It's impossible to tell. That kind of makes you feel isolated, doesn't it? And, what makes it worse is the constant feeling of "maybe I did something to cause it", "maybe I deserved it".
There are times when I've tried to write about it. I have a small book of poetry, and I'm starting my own "blog". Not sure if that will eventually free me from what I feel now. I guess it depends on whether I ever find the courage to get it all out!
Your poem is heartfelt and honest. So many people seem to have lost touch with that nowadays. We are all supposed to learn from our experiences, but many people are so fake, I doubt they can even be honest with themselves.
It takes a rare courage and level of integrity to bare your soul. You have both, and that's a good start. At least if you recognise your own errors, you can begin to sort them out. You may not be able to change other people, and sometimes they may be the cause of your troubles. Stay away from those kinds of people, and concentrate on making yourself the best you can be.
Best wishes -
Elaine.

Thank you for writing this poem. I understand.
-Lobo6

Glad you enjoyed reading it.

Hey I'm new on this site and have nobody to talk too. I like your poem!

Thank you. :)