Nightmares

Someone is always physically abusive.
Sexually abusive.
I wake up petrified.
I sleep very little at night, and tons during the day.
This is mostly because I procrastinate with my homework and what not. But also because I'm afraid. Of the dreams. Of how they make me feel. Of waking up and trying to catch my breath. Of having to force myself to calm down.
It's just a  d r e a m.
I tell myself that repeatedly.
But when I sleep, it feels so  r e a l.
CrazyHippieChick CrazyHippieChick
22-25
2 Responses Dec 4, 2012

*hugs chippy real tight*

Love ya Cappy!

I'm so sorry.

It was never as bad as it is now. And I'm not sure why. I don't have any memories of being sexually abused, and i'm certain that never happened, so I can't make sense of all the rape that goes on in my dreams.

The physical abuse was common so that does line up, but not the rest.

I would have told you I wasn't sexually abused, once.
I blanked it all out.
I suspect I still don't remember about 95% of it.

I don't know :/
I try to look deep within myself, my therapist back home says if it comes up it will do so naturally, and to not push it. But still, I just feel like no one hurt me that way, but i've grown up being very afraid of certain kinds of men, so idk :/

I hope you weren't.
Yeah, no pushing...

Me too!

I'm working hard on other things and don't want to work on dealing with the emotions regarding sexual abuse. I feel pretty "ok" with the idea of relationships and don't think I have intimacy issues that i've noticed, then again, my physical experience with men is limited, but I don't think i'd be afraid if I was sexually active with someone who I was in love with. I think it would come so naturally, or so I think.

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