Into myself, I fall and I feel what I thought to be reality slipping away. The tremors start and all fades to black. Meaning is lost in a torrent of confusion and the panic hits. Where I am isn't even a question because I don't even recognize who I am in that moment. It's not the fear of dying, but the fear in dying. All is lost, except the utterly terrifying. It is unreasonable and I know it intellectually, but that does little to stem the flood. Drowning, will I surface this time, again, or was my last breath really my last? I don't know which possibility scares me more. The possibility of the end, or the possibility of feeling this way again.
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1 Response Aug 18, 2014

You are not alone, you are not crazy or broken and there is help out there, all you have to do is ask.

You are welcome, I also have PTSD that I brought home with me from Vietnam so I understand what you are going through.

I still attend group sessions every two weeks, see my shrink every two months and I stay on the computer a lot to keep my mind occupied. I have not had a nightmare for quite a while and I know the flashbacks are still there. I take meds to help me sleep, an anti-depression med, another pill for anxiety if I need it. I know there are triggers out there waiting for me but cannot stop those and I have a terrible guilt that is also hanging around.