Is It Me???

My exe boyfriend was in his early 40's when we met.  He almost always had problems with maintaining an erection during intercourse.  Most of the time, there seemed to be no apparent cause for it but, sometimes, he would lose his erection when I was on top of him...well, usually, he always did.  I sometimes thought he had control issues.  But, he insisted he had no problems...just that he needed to make sure that he worked out on a regular basis.  He also indicated that he was somewhat intimidated by me; that he worried about being able to "measure-up" and making me have an ****** and that this interefered.

I'm dating a man now, also in his forties.  He never seems to get fully erect, even in the morning.  He gets semi-erect in the morning, erect enough to put a condom on but, almost as soon as he starts, he loses the erection entirely.  I love sex and we have actually had sex a few times...good sex with a nice erection.  I tell him all the time how great it is with him; how much I like it and want it.  I'm worried that he, too, is feeling intimidated by me and my sexual appearance, the attention I give him.  He's not very good at talking about stuff.  I spent the night with him last night.  We had a really great time going to his company picnic then out to dance.  He told me ALL day how he was gonna f*** the **** outta me when we got home.  But, when we got home...he was too drunk.  I woke up this morning to a nice, hard-on on my back.  He put a condom on and then....away the erection went!  He stopped abrubtly and left the room then came back and laid with me.  We cuddled, naked, watched t.v., dosed off a little.  At one point, he said "I try to figure out what's wrong but I just can't."  I was so uncomfortable!  I didn't know what to say so I just held him.

Is there anything I can do to help him?  Is it me?  What should I do?  If there are any men out there who've experienced something similar, I would love to hear your stories and/or any input you can give me on how to help this guy.  Even though we may not have a "future" together, I really care about him.  I'm so freakin filled with compassion for him.  I would love some advice on how to broach the topic with him without offending him!!

MysticWriter MysticWriter
36-40, F
4 Responses Sep 16, 2006

I went through what you xplained with my x wife i could go days hard as rock and then weeks with the droop , so i went to my doctor and had my testoterone checked and it came back very low so my dr immediately started me on testosterone cypionate injections 2 cc bi weekly and now it seems im a walking hard on no kidding i feel better and started to lift weights again and i got my old body back im 220 lbs ripped and i thank legal testosterone it was my saviour my recomendation to you is have him go to the dr and have his testosterone checked and if its low they will supplement testosterone to him i hope i helped you out good luck and keep me posted <br />
sincerely sal

I feel your pain and frustration. I have been with many many many men who have this problem. Not an occasional problem, that's normal, but ongoing problems. Younger men with no health problems. I have been told it's not me. I'm normal; I don't like freaky sex, not demanding or aggressive. It's most likely not you. If you want to stay with this guy you will have to be prepared to be patient and frustrated. It's so difficult dealing with this as a woman. I would get so sexually frustrated and just frustrated in general. It's so hard on the man, and it's going to be just as hard on you. After dealing with this time and again with different partners and casual sex, I have decided that I don't have the patience anymore. I'm actually fearful that if I finally have sex again I'll encounter another man with e.d. It's turned into a phobia, and I want nothing more than to meet a man that can get hard and satisfy me. But I digress. I know men who have ed are suffering, but they need to know that the women they're in bed with are suffering too. I know this sounds bad, but I figure if a man can't get it up I'd rather be with a woman. At least then I know not to expect penetration. Hope it works out for you.

BPA plastic has been found to mimic estrogen, causing increase obesity, ED, miscarriages, and etc.<br />
So everyone should consider getting rid of all their plastic items and stop buying water, soft drinks, energy drinks, and etc. packaged in plastic. If you have a coffee maker made of plastic, you should consider purchasing one without plastic. <br />
Edex, and Caverject Impulse have been a dependable treatment for ED when the pills did not work. <br />
You may also want to consider leaving around articles about the growing problems of ED in all men. <br />
I wish you and all males the best of luck in solving these problems.

First of all, Erectile Dysfunction seems to be a growing(pardon the pun) problem for this age group of men, and even younger. I think alot of it has to do with life-syles. I work in the medical field and here are a list of issues that can affect ED: Smoking, Lack of Exercise, Obesity, Heavy Drinking, Side Effects of Meds (legal and illegal), Lack of Sleep, Depression, Spinal Injuries, and Prostate Surgery. Also: High Blood Pressure, High Cholesterol, and Diabetes. See if he'll go to the doctor to see if Viagra, Levitra,or Cialis is an option for him. Or he may want to try some life-changes first.Meanwhile, you can be supportive and encourage him by helping make some changes when he's with you. Eat healthy, Get rest, Limit the alcohol,ect.As far as bringing up the subject in a way not to damage his EGO... Well, we need a man on this one!