mainly why i had to suffer so much as a child.why none of my grandparents wanted me.why when me and my mom had to eat out of dumpsters none of them would help.why when i broke my neck they never came around,how they can say with a straight face if i only knew.

ghostofmyself ghostofmyself
5 Responses Mar 19, 2009

Wait until you are suddenly disabled, can't walk and lose your job as a result and the disability insurance runs out leaving you homeless, and getting beat up and having your wheelchair stolen, your coat taken and your family knowing all this saying, " I would help ---but....." You find the true meaning of family and friends. I lived through this and almost died with the beatings, usually once or twice a week. The police don't care if your're bleeding. It's just one less homeless person if I died. Problem solved. An old woman found me and took me to her house. Here I am, unemployed but alive and my family and friends are an old woman now. I disowned everyone else. Still looking for work.

I know what you mean. I found an aswer in my life, it is not about YOU, it is about THEM. It is about their chooises in their life, thats all... You dont have to close to them, you dont have to do something that you dont want to do for them. You dont have to be perfect relative for them. Just be yourself... I was always nice and caring to my relatives but they have never act like me. I was the one who is visited them, who is called them even i did not miss any special days for them. Then i realized it was my choise... And realized i just wanted their love, their attention and wanted to be perfect to them because i wanted to same thing as i gave them. It was my choise maybe they never understood that, maybe even my acting did not important for them because they did not realize whats going on. Then i just watched them, their relation between others and then i realized they are who they are. It is not about me... and i have started to discover me, i dont call them or visit them if i dont want to now. if i want to call them or visit them, it is my choise and i dont expect the same things from them. Im happy about my decisions now... hope you find your way too :) Sending good vibes to youu. Hugs*

I agree with MM! <br />
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I have found here on ep the anonynmity, support, good advice, bad advice, silly advice and more very theraputic.<br />
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You can say anything you want, read anything or not, find people with similar (if not the same) problems, issues, life experiences, etc. - this place is amazing.

hitting a pillow always helps and talking about it eases your state of mind. if you let it bottle up, it becomes rage.

I know the feeling, I know what you mean, I was angry about being neglected as a child yesterday, today Im okay but I wonder the same thing, why did not my Aunts and Uncles intervene? I feel bad for you because it does hurt so much, I don't know how to resolve my sometimes rage and sometimes resentment either, what can we do?