Why So Desperate To Get Married?

Whenever I'm at a Christian function I can't help but feel uncomfortable. I've found that Christians are obsessed with getting married/finding their "mate". It makes social interactions tense because I think they don't want to waste breath on you if you're not "the one".

Oh, and don't bother being friendly to the opposite sex. If you're overly-friendly it translates into a marriage proposal. (I bet you didn't know that.) I remember smiling and laughing with a girl who had a boyfriend and she felt the need to point him out to me and tell me they were engaged. (I found out later they weren't.) I suppose she just really wanted to impress upon me I had no chance.

Christian men worry me the most. They all look like homosexuals, and seem to only pursue weak-willed women. And the weak women have to be INCREDIBLY feminine. (Perfect hair, nails, dresses...etc.) I think they only look at women as mom-fodder. (She looks like an excellent mother for my children.) The more she acts like a mom, the better.

Does this seem harsh? Too generalized? I'm an observer... and I've been a member of many different churches for four years now. I've lived it, seen it, stood in many parties and met youth groups every week. I've seen and heard the guys say these things and the women cater to it! So if you don't agree, I'm sorry, but you can't beat real life experiences. :P



Konrad Konrad
22-25, M
21 Responses Oct 31, 2009

I am 43 years old happily single female. Thanfully I don't fall into singles traps. My advise young man is to do the following. Mature Chrisitans focus entirely on the Lord. Give God control over your waking moment and don't worry about relationships so much. when it's time you will be at the right place at the right time and he will tell you whom you will marry if at all. Don't settle. Ask God to send you a real godly woman. They are out there. If you settle for anything less you will find yourself down the divorce isle. Yes, single people are strange because they are not entirely focused on God as they should be. Just because they say they are Christian does not mean squat. Be discerning. Seek God with your whole heart. You will find yourself going against the flow not with it. That is the sign of true Christianity.

I went to a Christian college, am attending to Bible study, and sometimes I attend to Christian events (but I usually refuse because of this very reason). Christians are obsessed with the idea of getting marry and finding "the one". I am a Christian but I have pass that stage. Right now God wants for me to be single and focus on Him. I used to struggle with the idea of why them, not me! But I realize it's jealously that's speaking, and now I am able to be happy for my friends when they're engaged or dating someone. Marriage, according to Christians, are suppose to represent the Church and Jesus (Bride and Groom), but Christians have fall into the trap that it's THEM (and how God ordained marriage--use marriage as an excuse to justify their need to get marry, blah blah). Well, I'll stop because the more I talk about it the more I am annoyed by them.

Sad to say, your observations are quite accurate. You could just find a female partner/friend to accompany you. It's just one solution. <br />
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Business sometimes takes me out of the country. Europeans are more open. Others are more closed-minded. Mexicans are the worst. Even if you're married, they asked how many children you have. If you have lots of children, the possibility of your being homosexual diminishes. Homophobia raised to an art.

Hey friend, <br />
I'm a 30 year old female, and of course am not married. I consider myself Christian, although I'm going through some struggles right now in my life, but hey I read your comments and some of the things that you mention are true. I think what I find and it's frustrating is that whenever you meet a "decent" Christian, he's either married or has a serious girlfriend, or the other case scenario is that they marry too damn early, and that just ****** me off, I honestly wish that guys should at least wait a few more years before making that kind of decision, and marry because of real love not because "Now I can have sex".... Anyway am just ranting here :) but at least I can post this here and express myself.

I work with a girl like this. Poor thing. 22 year old "born-again." She took an abstinence vow and now she is having a quicky wedding that she can't even afford to a guy she doesn't even seem to jive that well with and seems to be hiding a pregnancy....oops. Not to mention she preaches to us all the time at work. Drives me crazy and makes me sad all at the same time. Getting married and having a baby should be among the most beautiful experiences in life not some dirty little secret.

I can't point too many fingers here, seeing as how i've been engaged 3, amost 4 times (just didn't see the 4th ring) until people deal with their own baggage they really can't expect to make life work with another person. Learned that the hard way :)

Marriage represents success in the christian culture, or what we've painted it to be anyway.. time is of the essence when it comes to how long our eggs are good so every moment and every interaction counts, towards finding that "perfect man" (too bad they haven't figured out yet ,that perfect love, means loving an imperfect person perfectly) go forth and multiply takes on a whole new meaning when you're "on the hunt".. and yes many probably have overlookd you, they've over looked me.. and it's sad, and it's ashame.. but it is what it is.. Yep I agree.. the reason they are so anxious to find their mate is so they can have sex and procreate without feeling guilty. Everybody wants to have sex, no matter what they say.. no matter how many "promise rings" they posess, no matter how many times they've prayed or commited to a life of purity.. no matter how evil they think it is.. they all want it.. and outside of marriage it is wrong, which is why their are so many absent mothers and fathers.. in a moment of passion they lose all inhibitions and 9 months later junior enteres the world.. Too bad his parents couldn't find time to be responsible and get married first then have babies... These days christians seem to size up people so quick..and when they finally find someone who they deem responsible, respectable and good looking, (or good breeding material) they swoop down on them like they're the last piece of fried chicken at a southern style bbq, and so continues the circle of life. more commonly known as the circle of dysfunction and unrealistic expectations. Everyone also wants love without first exploring what it is, and what the roles of each party should be.. all they know is some irresponsible, selfish, extreemley conditional love.. and so that's what they play out in their relationships and that's why they fail.. it's about giving more than you take, loving without strings.. we all could use a few lessons in that if you ask me. Try not to let it get to you, just be yourself and soon enough your princess will come around in her outdated eagles teeshirt and abercrombie cut offs just waiting to tear up the dance floor with you and share life together. Unless you don't want to get married.. than you, like the rest of us can one by one watch each of our friends enter into "marital bliss" and become the ball to someone elses chain.

Well, i have to agree with you at some points. I mean, i made my own observation and found that, maybe, some people in church had translated the bible or the preaches, in such ways that are not necessarily correct. <br />
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Marriage is good, there's nothing wrong with it, if the people involved, have clear understanding upon the values. But, it doesn't mean that being not married is bad. The Bible says that we all, every and each one of us, have our own specific purpose in life, being unmarried is one of them. <br />
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If a smile or a friendly conversation is translated as a marriage proposal, well, there's obviously something wrong with them.... <br />
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But then again, as observers, we can always find 'something else' within these kind of crowd, can't we......................:):):)

I know how you feel I want to be in a good relationship-i'm getting divorced but I want to get married I'm christian but was abused as a child so I have strong sexual desire and only way to "legally" fulfil it is in a marriage- thuss the desperation.... As for u being gay hey that's ok... But somehow it always makes me sad.. Why are most of the good young men gay?? You know the ones with interesting personalities and mostly decent morals...???

I am sorry that you let these "Holier than though Christians" get too you. A good Christian would be able to accept others have different types of lives too. Some gay guys get married to hide from reality and live their life in "hell". Some tell you how bad drink is and we must not drink. Remember Jesus turned water into wine.

Christian parents should teach their children to be on guard against people who are just playing church.

Konrad, I think there's a lot of women, especially in their 30s, who only look upon men as "dad-fodder," but men who are looking for mom-fodder? That's evolutionary psychology,which is something altogether different from reality. Men always want a woman who appeals to their particular cravings for the female kind, emotional as well as physical. A tempermentally conservative woman is appealing as someone who's likely to be lovingly loyal and faithful; momhood is not the consideration. <br />
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And i don't think there's anything wrong with digging feminine women. As a straight male (a very politically incorrect status), it's sad to have to have to resort to this argument. But if the bisexual girls like SaratogaGirl are all over EP proclaiming how terrific feminine women are how can you reproach straight men for preferring them?

you have not met me. i am 34, christian, and female. and i am NOT looking at males as possible daddies for my kids. yes i know, you said a lot and not all. just wanted you to meet one of the ones you were not refering to. :)

Well, I reckon I probably do look homosexual, but I don't make any effort not to :)<br />
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Marriage would be nice, but it isn't one of my major life goals.<br />
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I prefer women to be strong, independent and above all else, equal. Power imbalances either way just don't work as far as I'm concerned. :P

robbo21, lucky for me I actually am a homosexual. And engaged. <br />
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Grannym, I would love to find a group of young Christians who didn't think a smile and a conversation meant more than just "I'm happy".

i'm one of those and i am 34. if i see a guy smile at me and wanna chat, i don't assume he wants me. smiling is smiling, chatting is chatting. i am a christian woman, but i daresay i don't translate horny where horny doesn't exist. lol

Just a thought, but maybe there's some dude at your church looking at you and thinking.. "he looks and talks just like a homosexual" Lucky for you there are still a few women who want to get laid! My advice is either... be quick and get married or.... find a different church? You seem to be going to really weird ones!!!!

Good for you conceptualclarity, I hope you never have to suffer through it.

I've almost never encountered men who look or talk like homosexuals at my churches and Christian gatherings. and the women are quite likely to be sassy, not "weak-willed" like you describe. Can't relate to it.

*pregnant oops

the whole new testament is where they lost me.<br />
at least the old testament is somewhat plausible or explainable. come on a pregnanat virgin, seriously? it goes downhill from there.<br />
if the Bible wasn't telling the truth about that (we all know it isn't), then what else is the Bible not telling the truth about?

Ha ha ha! Yes! That is true... I'm sure there are a lot of Christians who get married so they can have sex without the guilt. What a terrible reason to get married.

Ick...sorry this might be long....<br />
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There was a girl, and I use the term girl for obvious reasons, lack of maturity, who I worked with at the boy's school I was at. She was a Christian, yet the most overtly flirtatious person I had ever seen, to the point that it was uncomfortable to watch. Her body language screamed that she wanted to get laid.<br />
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But she lead all the men on and eventually got married last month after knowing the man for all of six weeks. A marriage of love? No. It's plain to see that both of them just wanted sex.

Well that is sad.