Post

How Can You Tell If A Love Is Lasting And True?

Have you ever had feelings for someone-- feelings of love and then asked yourself if the feelings are real or true?  Many of us have fallen in love at sometime in our lives and then found later that, in spite of the love and the confidence it gave us, the relationship did not last.   For these people, how do we avoid becoming cynical about love, or worse yet, uncertain to the point that we fail to ever make a commitment? 

Believe it or not, I found the answer in a movie.  In a casual conversation with an EP friend recently, we brought up the movie "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russel Crow.  With that conversation fresh on my mind, I rifled through my DVD collection, located that movie and then sat down to watch it.  The movie is mostly about a very intelligent man dealing with a tragic mental illness.  But it is also a love story.  Not the kind of love story where the two walk off into the sunset, but rather, a story of enduring love which lasts through the most impossible of challenges.

There is a scene in the movie where the character played by Russel Crow (John Nash) is considering asking his girlfriend (Alicia) to marry him.   The man is a genius mathematician but a near total disaster at human relationships.  So, naturally, he is unsure of what to do.   He asks his girlfriend how they can be sure that their love is true and worth marrying over.  I'll spare you further commentary and will post the movie dialogue instead.

Nash: Alicia, does our relationship warrant long-term commitment? I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data. 
Alicia: I'm sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my girlish notions of romance. 
     --- Alicia pauses to think ---
Alicia: How big is the universe? 
Nash: Infinite. 
Alicia: How do you know? 
Nash: I know because all the data indicates it's infinite. 
Alicia: But it hasn't been proven yet. 
Nash: No. 
Alicia: You haven't seen it. 
Nash: No. 
Alicia: How do you know for sure? 
Nash: I don't, I just believe it. 
Alicia: It's the same with love I guess. 

Doesn't that movie dialogue hit it right on the nose?  In matters of love, one can *never* be sure it will last.  There is no proof that it will.  But, if we feel love, and we want it, then we have to have faith that it will last.  We can do nothing more.  :)
thatguy1970 thatguy1970 41-45, M 35 Responses Apr 6, 2012

Your Response

Cancel

I believe your heart tells you everything you need to know. You know something isn't right when you start questioning it. But you know something is right because you can feel it. I've only questioned my relationship before because it seems too good to be true. Either way, questioning or not, to me I know my relationship is healthy, pure and strong. I know we're a good match but I could never describe my certainty to someone else unless they experienced it themselves. I don't think even the most prolific of writers could ever describe that certainty you feel in your heart about someone.

You're spot on....

Thank you. I have to remind myself of this every so often... that I must have faith. It is not always cut and dry.

Yes faith is a key.

I agree.

Reminds of the question posed to You once.
:)
Be blessed The Two of YOU.
Prayers.
__( )__

Yes. You are insightful.

Your thoughts in the story here
n
the rare interaction/s with You makes You a thoughtful human.
Be well.
__/|__

Good point! Just because you can't see something doesn't mean it is not there, you feel it and have faith in it. I liked your story very much.

Thank you mguinm.

I really enjoyed reading this. I am presently in a relationship with a wonderful man and whether we are as close as we are now forever or not.... I do not believe my love for him could ever possibly go away. Ever.

I understand this feeling. I have found that when I look back at past loves, I don't feel the fire which once burned and, I would probably never return to any of those loves. But, I accept it for what it was and don't choose to try to redefine it. But also, I realize that my definition of love today is different than what it was ten or twenty years ago. Sometimes a love comes along which is so vibrant and strong and wonderful that you end up changing your entire perception of love, itself. When this happens, it is amazing.

Yes. He has changed love and given me love. I am constantly amazed by him

Then you are truly blessed. I'm happy for you both.

Thank you!

1 More Response

excellent story . . . very well done . . . thank you for sharing it . . .

Thank you. I'm glad you enjoyed it..

I really enjoyed your post. I have always thought that if you love someone, then that love never leaves you. But maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic. Even if a relationship has ended. I know years after my own relationships I still love those I was involved with. I can't say there is equal amounts for each person and none were exactly the same. But just because the relationship didn't work out does not mean what I felt for them is completely gone. I can't switch off like that. It doesn't just end. Some people cover themselves with denial, anger...pride, but I believe if you peel back all that bullshit you use to protect yourself...there is still a certain amount of feeling for that particular person, as much as you would hate to admit it if the relationship ended badly.



But love seems to be just one word. I don't believe love is 'defined' as an idea, or defined through your actions (shown through your actions yes)... but initially a feeling. Even after all the scientific explanation for these feelings...pheromones, dopamine, neurochemical processes, external stimuli etc etc...even after watching numerous lovey dovey movies, reading all those romantic poems and lusty novels, knowing these particulars doesn't make it any less real when we are actually experiencing it for ourselves..and these raw feelings can not simply come from someones idea or view of what love is. It can't just be a concept society would have us believe.



Love does not always equate to a relationship. I don't think there needs to be commitment, romance or trust to love someone, it's not something that can be helped. I mean people love complete ******** all the time. But if its a relationship you are after, than yes these things are, of course, important to maintain in a relationship for the long haul. I can't explain it properly but for me, love is something that is beyond sexual attraction, infatuation...all those numerous associated words. Even if it's just all in my own head.



Annnnnndddd now I'm sick of the word 'love' haha

I think what you say has merit. And I agree that loves does not always equate to a relationship. But also, some loves are different than others, as you suggest. I know this to be true. I've felt the difference. I am feeling the difference now. I think some have a life of their own. The love comes out of nowhere, seemingly, and sort of "takes over the place". lol.

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing :)

I'm glad you liked it. :)

Really like this post - Thank you for for this! :-)

You are welcome. :)

I don't believe romantic love stays static. I think in today's society we are looking for the impossible. We are looking to sustain the high of the initial romantic high. However, romantic love evolves over time. And I believe that one has to work to keep it passionate and romantic. Commitment is imperative. Love has it's ups and downs, but over time it mellows and deepens into something even more amazing if only we let it.

I tend to agree with you on this. I think that it takes "two" in order to make it work. If one person is not really into keeping things romantic, then they will ensure a lack of romance for both.

Lovely post...I cried on that movie, "A Beautiful Mind". Love is intangible but we feel it, we become powerless when it overwhelms us.



I believe we could only love once in a lifetime. Once is enough for a wise man.

Maybe so. I am not very wise. I have allowed myself to love more than once. No two loves are equal, not in my experience.

so true...love topics are too exhausting for me so I better let it rest...you are the cassanova and am just a wall flower...Lol

Haven't seen this movie but definitely sounds like something I'd love to watch. It sounds very clevely written.

I commend you for opening an interesting dialogue on the age old meaning of true love. My opinion is that each person has an individual definition of love..it cannot be defined by one broad stroke. The person who mentioned the idea that "you become a better person when you are with the other" has a good point. For my own personal take, I would say that someone you can communicate with, respect & enjoy their sense of humor can go a long way after the giddy lust of new love has worn thin. The old adage of marrying someone who can be your best friend in life is close to the truth. Because sexual heat may cool off @ some point, but the deep trust of the soul of that person will be able to rebirth that sexual desire throughout the relationship. After all, the best foreplay begins between your ears. (brain)

It is a dialogue, isn't it? I think your "take" is a respectable one and I agree wholeheartedly that we each have an individual definition of love. There are some things that seem must be there, though. Don't you think? Such as "respect"... and "trust".

It is interesting that love as a verb hasn't been mentioned; an action of choice.

Or that classic definition in The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13 which includes, "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag, and is not arrogant; does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

It is all of those things.

It is a crapshoot...the whole love thing.

If you cannot imagine your life without the other in it - that's the definition.

That is a good description, Melody.

never! we can not learn it's true, but to find her, I think worth it. because who think the end can not be happy

If you and your parents share a strong connection and have lots in common. Then you shall know

That is a good point. Our parents are where we first learn how to love. Bravo for bringing that up.

:) Thank you people think im all about outdoors, but i know a thing or two About love

You can always hope that things will last forever! And when they do, you got your proof! But unless you try, you wont know!

Simple and true to its core. And yet, it still requires "faith" to get there.

good

Yes.

Love is never static. At times...I would swear it's even a living and breathing entity. One thing is for sure...it's ever changing and redefining itself for each of us...and it's not the same for every person. I think love is what you make of it. It can't be all there is...and yet it can enhance your life substantially. Just like you cannot live on cereal alone...you cannot make your entire life revolve around love. But if you find a keeper...and you let them compliment your life...well...you have a chance at something pretty wonderful.



Btw...awesome movie. Kudos for weaving it into such an exceptional story. :)

((it's not the same for every person)) .... Exactly what I have found. I think we must adjust our expectation of love depending on the person. Just because they don't love us exactly as we demand, doesn't mean they do not love us. It's not easy to do this, btw, because, you know, we're human and all. :)

I think some of us,maybe even most of us,fall in and out of love with people and things many times over in our lifetime.We will not know which,if any love we feel will last the longest,until our lifetime is over.The only certainties in life are death and taxes,and neither are as much fun as falling in love,so take the risk,but with both eyes open of course,and let yourself fall.If you land on the rocks,get up and dust yourself off,life goes on,but you just might land on a bed of roses with the love of your life.You'll never know if you don't step off the curb.....or,maybe I'm wrong,I don't know.lol

I think you are right. Your basic sentiment is the same as the sentiment of the character in the movie. There is no proof, so you must have faith or, rather, believe in love. This is similar to 'stepping off the curb' as you put it.

Yup! Of course,you might get mowed down by a mack truck doin' 100 miles.hr,but we're not talking literally here,so you can bounce back from it quick enough.:)

lol. True enough..

I can't remember who I was following but nonetheless am grateful for chancing upon this post.



I wrote once that Romeo and Juliet has one of the greatest love story ever. Not only because they loved each other until they died. It's because they believed they would be together. Until the end.



Believe and it is. =)

That seems to be the answer, doesn't it? :)

*bounces up and down* I do believe... I do believe... =)

then the hard works of Einstein to use science for affirming faith and religion is nothing but a foolish attempt..

How so?

what the movie plainly says is that concepts such as love or faith exist based on intuitions or deep conviction..Einstein believed otherwise that science could be used as a tool to strengthen faith or anything we believe in..

Well, with what I know about Einstein, I tend to agree with him. I see science as a tool that can help us understand faith and I believe that science can help us increase our faith. I could go on and on about the subject. The character, John Nash, references Einstein more than once in the movie...

Does it really.. then I should maybe watch that movie.. (if you've noticed, question mark doesn't exist in my keyboard)

1 More Response

It's a while since I've seen that movie, but I remember liking it very much when I did ... will have to watch it again. As for defining love ... some just take it for granted and others will try to understand it ... I think it is a lot like air in way ... in that we don't think about it until it becomes unbreathable and toxic ... and we certainly don't thrive without it.

We take love for granted, in a way. Also, as you can see from the comments in this thread, no two people love the same. I mean, my idea of love and yours may differ. Therefore, I may think I am loving you just fine but you may think I don't live up to your standards, etc. That is something to keep in mind.

yes, that's why communication in a relationship is important.

And yet, somehow rare.

darn your hide. Now i need to sit down and watch it. Those are some powerful words. And truer words were never spoken. You can never know if love will last. But while it IS, IT IS WONDERFUL.

lol. But you'll appreciate it me after you watch it. The movie is *great!

It's a feeling that you wanted to lasts, to hold long in your heart and never wanted to end :) But the feeling is beyond words if you know that your other half is feeling the same... the best feeling that you both possess deep inside!! it will work between two mutual feelings and sure it will lasts :)

'the feeling is beyond words'. Yes. so very true. :)

The only thing you can be sure about is your own feelings. Maybe love is so frightening because it forces us to live in the present moment and enjoy it only for what it is and not what it might bring us in the futur. It doesn't matter much to me if the object of my affection has the same feelings i do or not. We can love objects too and they don't love us back no? To come back on subject, the only way IMO to know if love is lasting and true is time, one day at a time, living in the present and enjoying that wonderful feeling while knowing it could be gone anytime but can just as easily submerge us without warning. That's the beauty of it, its changing, unpredictable nature.

Nice thoughts. Loving one without expecting it in return is known as "agape" love. It is perfection of the emotion itself because, if you love someone, then truly, why would you demand them to love you back. True love would not need that ego boost. I aspire to that type of love. I'm not there yet. I am fully human and full of flaws, I think. In truth, we all are.

This is a very good thought.



Does that mean that Love is (Or in this instance, could be) also based on Faith?

it is actually based on faith only..

Your reflections are usually deep. I appreciate that. By "faith", I believe you are referring to a biblical faith or at least, a belief in a deity--- creator? According to the Christian belief, God is love. God gave mankind the ability to love. So, in a sense, faith *is love, indeed. And, we don't have empirical proof of a creator, same as love. Both require faith.

I usually consider 'Faith' a belief in something that does not have tangible evidence to be true. Though your definition at the end comes true enough to me.

I think maybe I worded my question wrong, BUT, I do appreciate the different perspective! To all in here actually.

I followed ricki over here and am glad I did. You expressed this so well. I love that movie and that little piece of dialogue sums it all right up...... :)

Thank you, Sierra. :)