How Can You Tell If A Love Is Lasting And True?

Have you ever had feelings for someone-- feelings of love and then asked yourself if the feelings are real or true?  Many of us have fallen in love at sometime in our lives and then found later that, in spite of the love and the confidence it gave us, the relationship did not last.   For these people, how do we avoid becoming cynical about love, or worse yet, uncertain to the point that we fail to ever make a commitment? 

Believe it or not, I found the answer in a movie.  In a casual conversation with an EP friend recently, we brought up the movie "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russel Crow.  With that conversation fresh on my mind, I rifled through my DVD collection, located that movie and then sat down to watch it.  The movie is mostly about a very intelligent man dealing with a tragic mental illness.  But it is also a love story.  Not the kind of love story where the two walk off into the sunset, but rather, a story of enduring love which lasts through the most impossible of challenges.

There is a scene in the movie where the character played by Russel Crow (John Nash) is considering asking his girlfriend (Alicia) to marry him.   The man is a genius mathematician but a near total disaster at human relationships.  So, naturally, he is unsure of what to do.   He asks his girlfriend how they can be sure that their love is true and worth marrying over.  I'll spare you further commentary and will post the movie dialogue instead.

Nash: Alicia, does our relationship warrant long-term commitment? I need some kind of proof, some kind of verifiable, empirical data. 
Alicia: I'm sorry, just give me a moment to redefine my girlish notions of romance. 
     --- Alicia pauses to think ---
Alicia: How big is the universe? 
Nash: Infinite. 
Alicia: How do you know? 
Nash: I know because all the data indicates it's infinite. 
Alicia: But it hasn't been proven yet. 
Nash: No. 
Alicia: You haven't seen it. 
Nash: No. 
Alicia: How do you know for sure? 
Nash: I don't, I just believe it. 
Alicia: It's the same with love I guess. 

Doesn't that movie dialogue hit it right on the nose?  In matters of love, one can *never* be sure it will last.  There is no proof that it will.  But, if we feel love, and we want it, then we have to have faith that it will last.  We can do nothing more.  :)

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30 Responses Apr 6, 2012

True love is forever UNTIL you experience it youll realize that all those times you thought you were in love,was sincere carng but not love..

When you feel deep love with every fibre of your being, you can't help it, can't explain it, you know it and it is there, even in the most dire of circumstances.

I miss you so much! Will you ever come back to ep? One of the few clever peeps here with something to say that makes sense!

I believe your heart tells you everything you need to know. You know something isn't right when you start questioning it. But you know something is right because you can feel it. I've only questioned my relationship before because it seems too good to be true. Either way, questioning or not, to me I know my relationship is healthy, pure and strong. I know we're a good match but I could never describe my certainty to someone else unless they experienced it themselves. I don't think even the most prolific of writers could ever describe that certainty you feel in your heart about someone.

Yes faith is a key.

I really enjoyed reading this. I am presently in a relationship with a wonderful man and whether we are as close as we are now forever or not.... I do not believe my love for him could ever possibly go away. Ever.

Yes. He has changed love and given me love. I am constantly amazed by him

Thank you!

excellent story . . . very well done . . . thank you for sharing it . . .

This is so beautiful. Thank you for sharing :)

Really like this post - Thank you for for this! :-)

I don't believe romantic love stays static. I think in today's society we are looking for the impossible. We are looking to sustain the high of the initial romantic high. However, romantic love evolves over time. And I believe that one has to work to keep it passionate and romantic. Commitment is imperative. Love has it's ups and downs, but over time it mellows and deepens into something even more amazing if only we let it.

Haven't seen this movie but definitely sounds like something I'd love to watch. It sounds very clevely written.

I commend you for opening an interesting dialogue on the age old meaning of true love. My opinion is that each person has an individual definition of cannot be defined by one broad stroke. The person who mentioned the idea that "you become a better person when you are with the other" has a good point. For my own personal take, I would say that someone you can communicate with, respect & enjoy their sense of humor can go a long way after the giddy lust of new love has worn thin. The old adage of marrying someone who can be your best friend in life is close to the truth. Because sexual heat may cool off @ some point, but the deep trust of the soul of that person will be able to rebirth that sexual desire throughout the relationship. After all, the best foreplay begins between your ears. (brain)

It is interesting that love as a verb hasn't been mentioned; an action of choice. <br />
Or that classic definition in The Bible: 1 Corinthians 13 which includes, "Love is patient, love is kind, and is not jealous; love does not brag, and is not arrogant; does not act unbecomingly; it does not seek its own, is not provoked, does not take into account a wrong suffered, does not rejoice in unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth; bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things."

It is a crapshoot...the whole love thing.<br />
If you cannot imagine your life without the other in it - that's the definition.

never! we can not learn it's true, but to find her, I think worth it. because who think the end can not be happy

If you and your parents share a strong connection and have lots in common. Then you shall know

:) Thank you people think im all about outdoors, but i know a thing or two About love

You can always hope that things will last forever! And when they do, you got your proof! But unless you try, you wont know!


Love is never static. At times...I would swear it's even a living and breathing entity. One thing is for's ever changing and redefining itself for each of us...and it's not the same for every person. I think love is what you make of it. It can't be all there is...and yet it can enhance your life substantially. Just like you cannot live on cereal cannot make your entire life revolve around love. But if you find a keeper...and you let them compliment your have a chance at something pretty wonderful.<br />
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Btw...awesome movie. Kudos for weaving it into such an exceptional story. :)

I think some of us,maybe even most of us,fall in and out of love with people and things many times over in our lifetime.We will not know which,if any love we feel will last the longest,until our lifetime is over.The only certainties in life are death and taxes,and neither are as much fun as falling in love,so take the risk,but with both eyes open of course,and let yourself fall.If you land on the rocks,get up and dust yourself off,life goes on,but you just might land on a bed of roses with the love of your life.You'll never know if you don't step off the curb.....or,maybe I'm wrong,I don't

Yup! Of course,you might get mowed down by a mack truck doin' 100,but we're not talking literally here,so you can bounce back from it quick enough.:)

I can't remember who I was following but nonetheless am grateful for chancing upon this post.<br />
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I wrote once that Romeo and Juliet has one of the greatest love story ever. Not only because they loved each other until they died. It's because they believed they would be together. Until the end.<br />
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Believe and it is. =)

*bounces up and down* I do believe... I do believe... =)

then the hard works of Einstein to use science for affirming faith and religion is nothing but a foolish attempt..

what the movie plainly says is that concepts such as love or faith exist based on intuitions or deep conviction..Einstein believed otherwise that science could be used as a tool to strengthen faith or anything we believe in..

Does it really.. then I should maybe watch that movie.. (if you've noticed, question mark doesn't exist in my keyboard)

It's a while since I've seen that movie, but I remember liking it very much when I did ... will have to watch it again. As for defining love ... some just take it for granted and others will try to understand it ... I think it is a lot like air in way ... in that we don't think about it until it becomes unbreathable and toxic ... and we certainly don't thrive without it.

yes, that's why communication in a relationship is important.

It's a feeling that you wanted to lasts, to hold long in your heart and never wanted to end :) But the feeling is beyond words if you know that your other half is feeling the same... the best feeling that you both possess deep inside!! it will work between two mutual feelings and sure it will lasts :)

The only thing you can be sure about is your own feelings. Maybe love is so frightening because it forces us to live in the present moment and enjoy it only for what it is and not what it might bring us in the futur. It doesn't matter much to me if the ob<x>ject of my affection has the same feelings i do or not. We can love ob<x>jects too and they don't love us back no? To come back on subject, the only way IMO to know if love is lasting and true is time, one day at a time, living in the present and enjoying that wonderful feeling while knowing it could be gone anytime but can just as easily submerge us without warning. That's the beauty of it, its changing, unpredictable nature.

This is a very good thought. <br />
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Does that mean that Love is (Or in this instance, could be) also ba<x>sed on Faith?

it is actually based on faith only..

I usually consider 'Faith' a belief in something that does not have tangible evidence to be true. Though your definition at the end comes true enough to me.

I think maybe I worded my question wrong, BUT, I do appreciate the different perspective! To all in here actually.

I followed ricki over here and am glad I did. You expressed this so well. I love that movie and that little piece of dialogue sums it all right up...... :)

point uniquely made. I agree, love is a leap of in an idea as much as in a person.

I almost said "emotion", but, yes, I think "idea" is more accurate. Love can be many emotions...

I've seen the movie.<br />
Maybe believe is the right word. It was clear at the moment I wanted to marry my hubs that our love would last forever. I not even thought about the possibility that our love could cool down. I got older and a bit wiser inbetween and still believe in love.

Loved that movie and the quote is just dead on isn't it?