How To (maybe) Keep The Man You Fell In Love WithI was having a conversation with a very close friend today and it got me to thinking about men and how we are perceived and treated by women whom we love. I began thinking about what it is that a typical woman wants in a man. More importantly, if she gets a man like she wants, will she remain satisfied in the long term or do relationships take a natural course towards un-fulfilling mediocrity regardless of the person she chooses?
My first inclination is that women want a confident, manly man who tends more toward masculine traits than feminine. Some feminine traits are probably acceptable and even welcomed (gentle, passionate, attentive), but overall, I believe the typical woman wants a mostly masculine man with healthy self-esteem.
And here is the problem as I see it. In relationships, as time passes, men and women sometimes cease to put each other on a pedastal and begin shedding notions that our spouses are as wonderful as we once thought. Later, when we disagree strongly about something, we might argue in such a way as to chip away at the esteem of the other person. In the case of a woman treating her man in a way which degrades his self esteem, I suggest this is a no-win situation for the woman and I advise against it. Allow me to explain.
Men are not as bullet-proof as we make ourselves out to be. Yes we seem strong, sometimes arrogant and maybe even aloof to dangers and negativity. But trust me when I say that we are affected by the things women say to us even when we don't give an indication that we are. What I am saying is, a woman might think her husband/boyfriend is so tough and strong that she must be extra harsh toward him to get her point across in an argument. In reality, it is mostly just show.
You see, women who we love are our kryptonite. The love that we have for you makes us more vulnerable than even our strongest enemy could possibly make us . And when you treat that vulnerability we have carelessly, you can damage even the strongest man's self esteem. Doing so is to your detriment if you want the man you fell in love with to remain the same confident, masculine man you desire. If you are not careful to give him the respect he so desperately needs, you may find that there is a stranger in your bed night after night, and you may end up coming to EP to join the throngs of people asking how they ended up in a passionless marriage.
No, I am not absolving the man of his own responsibility to remain strong and passionate on his own accord and yes, I do think some men can do similar harm to a woman's self esteem. For the sake of this story, today, I am a man speaking from a man's point of view. This is just something that came to mind today and so I wanted to share my thoughts here at EP. If you have an opinion on the matter, I will appreciate you discussing it in the comments below.