Losing One's Self Is Scary

I met a friend last night for dinner and together we watch Club 88 Pool Tournament. We did some catch up. Of course, for those months we didn’t see each other, we weren’t able to keep in touch with each other. So then, while having dinner, he asked me about my romantic life. So i willingly answered his questions. I talked about my boyfriend. I told him my boyfriend knows my passwords of my emails which myself knows that it shouldn’t be. My friend said, “He don’t trust you. My God, is that really you? The person I know was smart and has her own mind. What happened suddenly? You are losing your identity.” I couldn’t find words to answer those questions. i was taken aback by this “attack questions”.

I got home not too late last night because I didn’t forget I’m pregnant. While on my bed trying to get myself to sleep. My friend’s words attacked me once more. Probing these things in mind, I realized that my friend is somehow right. It wasn’t me. I wasn’t like this before. Why the changed? Love? I have to keep my own identity. And I seem of losing it each day. I am not even updated of my friends’ life. I even ignore messages of people whom I used to talk with before. Now, there’s another thing scaring me. Losing myself. t is more scary than losing person you love. I shivered with fear.

I need to divert my attention. i need to take my attention off of him. I couldn’t live like this. He couldn’t be the whole world for me as what he’s situation now. I need to put myself back together.
makejessihapii makejessihapii
18-21, F
Dec 14, 2012