Being Alone Isn'T Lonely

I have this friend that cannot be alone, for any real length of time or he gets extremely depressed and mopes on and on about how lonely he is. I'm talking.. this goes on after 6 hours of not being around someone. I don't understand this and I don't know if most people are like this or not but I LOVE being alone.

I am married, so I am not truly "alone." But what I mean is, by myself for many hours a day. I don't ever get that lonely feeling. I quite enjoy being alone actually and even look forward to it. Growing up, my parents thought I was very strange to stay in my bedroom and read books and write in my diary instead of asking to hang out with friends non stop. Perhaps I am really the weird one but I can't understand this need to be around others all the time.

Are you lonely when you are alone? If you are, can you describe it? I really do want to get it.
lohla lohla 31-35, F 9 Responses Feb 7, 2013

Your Response


I am not necessarily lonely when I'm alone...recharging has its benefits. But...for me to go without human interaction for 24 hours would be torture. I truly enjoy being around people.

I love people.. in small doses. Or more that I just love interacting in small crowds or one on one. But yea.. I'd be okay with 24 hours of aloneness. lol
That would send my daughter into depression though!

Yes, I am often lonely. If it goes for long enough I will go somewhat insane.
If it wasn't for this painful insanity I would not get near anyone, as everyone I care for deeply hurts me at some point or another.

That is sad Hylie. :(
But you do have a gf now, if I remember correctly? Does that help with the loneliness?

It does...But I know sooner or later, she will hurt me. That's just how it works.

Or maybe not this time..


I have my moments.

I am a social person and enjoy hanging out with my friends but I also appreciate my space and sometimes even need it to sort out my thoughts and re-focus, I can withdraw into my own little world.

So, for the most part, when I am alone I'm happy to be so and have plenty to amuse myself with. There are times though, when I do get very lonely. It's fleeting and brief but it is very unpleasant while it lasts.

Awwww you got us, though, for those lonely moments! oxox

Yes, I most certainly do. Thanks beautiful!


i have a personality similar to petrushka's. *need* alone time. love people, but absolutely need the alone time to recharge. i don't do well in large parties or crowds; better in small gatherings.

my h on the other hand wants company. it's going to be interesting to see how the next several months unfold.

I need time alone. I need time to gather my thoughts, to spin out my dreams, I need space to spread out. I do this late at night, I'm a night owl and at 2 am everything is peaceful and still.
Strangely enough, I'm also gregarious, I love hanging out with friends, chatter away for hours and days, but I need my time out or my brain overloads with too many processes going on all at once.
It sounds to me like your friend has some kind of anxiety issues. It's not something I've ever spent learning about though.

You are an introvert, my dear!

Contrary to what many people believe, introversion is not the same as shyness. Knightlike wrote a perfect definition below - another (simplistic) way to think of it is: when the phone rings, and extrovert gets excited to talk to whomever is on the other end of the line, and an introvert braces him/herself for the withdrawal of energy the conversation will require.

A great book on the subject is: "Quiet: The Power Of Introverts" by Susan Cain (

By the way, I'm an off-the-charts introvert myself - takes one to know one...


I agree with others' comments on this so far . . . it's different for different people. Parents of families with active kids, like my wife and I, often get that feeling that "we never have any time to ourselves," which sometimes results in relationship problems, but some people are actually fine with that.

Personally, I look forward to alone time, as a welcome change of pace and a nice diversion from the "rat race" of normal daily life. I think my wife embraces the craziness, by contrast, and feels as if she's not being productive unless she's tearing around doing something for everyone . . . she actually has guilt about taking a nap on weekends :-)

Sounds like your friend is just one of those people who needs to stay active, but could also use more practice in occupying himself for brief periods, as well. Go read a good book, lol!

Introverted people gain energy from being alone and isolated. Extroverted people are just the opposite, they need to be in a crowd or around people to re-energize. I tend to fall in the extrovert category. Neither is right, just different responses from different personalities. It is helpful to know how you re-charge. Thanks for the random thoughts.

Same here.I rarely leave the house,only out of necessities.Work,groceries,or when friends prod me to come out.
The wife went to live her ill mother for a couple months,I was alone most of the time and it didn`t bother me.The longer she was away,the more I realized I could do without her.