I Always Feel Like My Life Have Some Connection For Some Reason.

I always feel when I don't masturb..., that I will finally get the girl. Like automatically. Boy, was I wrong. The truth is, ************, 100 percent stunted my growth in life. See over the last 2 years, I gained 145 pounds, I actually losted weight, and then gained it back. I kept all of my fat clothes. Why on God's green earth, would I keep all my clothes, instead of buying smaller one. My waist is at a 50 right now. A 50, most males my height are 31, at most 33's. I am huge. Then I have a mirror, that makes me look smaller, than what I'm really am. I am like, I don't look so bad, and then I use my cell phone to take a picture, and man do I look fat and horrible. I am like this is what real women see. Now I know why they are not attractive. Then I would talk to myself, calling it an imaginary friend. They f'n need to get rid of that term. That's a *** term. Like there is no friend, in non-existant. If young kids continue that path, those are your future, Schizophrenic, nuts of America. Someone, needs to ban that term. BAN IT, Those two words ****ed up my life. I got to understand imagination, that means pretending, pretending, pretending. Fantasies, Fantasies, Fantasies. Something I made up, that will NEVER actually happen. I love to talk and answer myself. But what I did was to try to give it life. I tried to give it a name, a city, a college, a house, a car, a degree, and an identity. The non-existant, never real person, had a straight hairline, and was brown skinned.  Now I feel so ashamed, that I wish I wasn't real. But that will never happen thanks to mom and dad. Even when I am dead, my skin will decomposed, flies would be over my body. Yay, I love the ending. Then I will deal with God for eternity, in heaven, or hell. As long as I don't murder, with God.

chicago54 chicago54
22-25, M
Mar 7, 2010