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Long List of Regrets

When you get to be my age (50) you can think back and come up with a long list of regrets. At least, I can.

I regret:

1. Not finishing college

2. Thinking that a man would make my life better

3. Not traveling more

4. Not trusting my own instincts more

5. Thinking that I was never capable or good enough

6. Spending money on stupid stuff when I was young instead of saving it and doing something important with it.

7. Marrying out of desperation

8. Not being more social when I was in high school

9. Ever leaving Florida

10. Not taking more control of my own destiny

 

ddnlj ddnlj 46-50, F 5 Responses Mar 13, 2008

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Well I am 17 year old ambitious girl and I am having a lot of trouble deciding what to do with my life. Okay not true I want to be a dancer but anyways seeing as you have all these big regrets what advice would you have for someone who hasn't had the chance to make any real mistakes yet..

hi ddnlj,<br />
first of all,i'd like to think that a man can make your life better.i like to think i make my wife's life is better because of how i have always loved her so.i know she does that for me.as far as insecurity,as kids we were all insecure about one thing or another.if you were'nt social then,then make a point of doing so now.there is nothing we can do to change anything in the past so we have to hope it teaches us enough to deal better with the future.

I posted this on "What is the worst thing you have ever done" also. I cheated on my boyfriend many times in high school and lied to him about it, over and over again. I was an angry and confused teenager. After high school, I went away to another country for several months and after I came back I realized just how horrible what I had done was. I also realized how much I cared about him. When I came back I told him everything in a long letter which must have been the most awful, painful thing he could have imagined. He read it in front of me, and left without saying a word. I broke his heart. I eventually apologized enough and even sent him roses and he took me back! But it was never the same again and he was kind of mean to me. He may have cheated on me a few times during this time also. I felt that I deserved it and took whatever he dished out for a long time until I finally couldn't take it anymore. I told him that we had to either be on equal footing or not at all. He had to either forgive me or not, and I had to be able to forgive myself. So, we tried. But it didn't work. There was too much pain and anger and heartache. A few years later we tried again, but again, the history was too much for both of us. This happened over 12 years ago, but I still feel like such an idiot sometimes. I feel so guilty for hurting him so much and for ruining the good thing we had. I've tried to apologize many times over the years but it always comes out sounding stupid and like I'm making excuses, which I am not. He was (is?) an amazing person and I hate that I had to be such a bad experience in his life. I know he was very much in love with me when I hurt him. I guess I still cannot forgive myself. We hardly ever talk anymore, and have both found other people we are happy with. He is married now, and I am engaged. But sometimes, like now, I am just consumed with guilt and regrets.<br />
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I have a lot of other regrets too. I used to say that I wouldn't change anything I have done because then I wouldn't be the person I am today. But for some reason, that logic isn't working right now...This has been very difficult to write about.

Your list almost matches mine (except for the marriage bit as I am not). It's strange but I feel all those things and I'm only 34. I feel I am in mourning for the past and I regret not just going for it. But "just going for it" seems like a stupid way of putting it, as I never knew what to go for. Ha maybe these days we have too many choices.<BR>Now I'm doing an unsatisfying job that I don't really like at all and feel trapped (it pays better than anything else I'm likely to get now) and I don't have a good education, am scared as hell. But you know what? we're not beaten yet. At 55 my Dad changed careers and was happy until he died. There is hope. I am going to try my best to make the best of the next 45 years or so I have left, if I do. I am tired of feeling desperately regretful too. I hope you feel better now. I am going to do psychometric testing to see if I can hone in on some of my talents and pick something and stick with it and get a good career going. At 34 it's a very late start but I could still be doing this when I'm 50 so may as well try! Best of luck to you. You are on your own journey and I know it's hard living with regrets but look forwards now and not back you can only fix the present by looking to the future, not back! Best wishes....we ony limit ourselves. Schulz

I can relate to all that <br />
But we can take control now .. never too late..