Happy I'm Back

On 16th January when I was 14 years old, I was admitted into a psychiatric unit due to anorexia (started off as bulimia but turned into anorexia). I barely ate, I lived on under 200 calories a day and 2g of fat and even when I ate that I vomitted it back up and exercised for hours just incase there was still some food left. I lost over a stone every month. I loved it, but it hurt my family and I knew I had to change. After being in hospital and being forced to be tube-fed I finally started recovery. I quit restricting so harshly and managed to eat 1500 calories a day and I stopped vomitting. Now, 6 months later I have began restricting back down to 200 calories and 2g of fat. I should be ashamed, depressed, guilty etc.. but actually, Im glad I',m back. I hate my body. I'm so fat and I want to get down to at least 6 stone (36kg). Why do I feel happy that i'm slowly killing myself again? I wish I could lose all this weight without all the thoughts and feelings toward food.
UnableToChange UnableToChange
18-21, F
1 Response Jan 7, 2013

I would like to be your friend.