Am I Being Stupid? Or Am I Being Patient? PLEASE HELP

Hey Everyone,
This is my first blog so bare with me... My boyfriend and I have been together for about a year and half. I love his family and everything about him but one thing.. he recently was addicted to drugs. Our main relationship problems are usually over that. I know I'm supposed to be understanding and loving, but it's so hard for me because I am a medical student and know that usually addictions are just in your mental. I tell him over and over again it's just in your head and he says I don't understand. We recently, 4 months ago, broke up because I was away at school and he started being really ill and mean towards me and I knew what was happening but didn't know how to react because of how he was reacting, so we broke up. We got back together about a month later. I told him the only way I would take him back is if he stopped doing anything, or any kind of drug, completely. He agreed and we have been great until about a month ago. His little sister and I have gotten really close and we started talking about his addiction only to find out that not even two weeks after we agreed to be back together that he had been doing stuff. I confronted him. He cries everytime I confront him. I told him no more. Then a couple of weeks ago I found out he was doing it again... I told him to choose, me or it. He picked me. Last week I was sitting in his living room while he was using the bathroom, and it was taking him a while so I creeped up the stairs and could smell it (by the way "it" is roxys or if you rather roycotin, and he smokes them). So I creeped back down the stairs to wait on the couch. He finally came down the stairs after hearing him shut the window, light a candle, and spray some room freshener. He begins to tell me how his dad is nagging at him and starts crying while he is telling me and storms to his room. I follow him and hold him while he sobs. He finally gets his self together and we get up to ride and get something to eat. On our way he asks me what is wrong, and of course he can always tell when something is wrong with me. I say, " You know already ". He beats around the bush and I said, "Do you really think I'm that stupid?" He says," I did a pill." We sat there in silence... We get to his house and go to his room to sit down on his bed and talk. Hestartscrying, apologizing, and telling me how important I am to him. Also, how there is nothing in the world that means more to him than I do. All I could say was "apparently not." Since this day I have been thinking alot. I've put myself in such a bad situation. Or atleast that's what I have decided since then. I'm waiting to see if he messes up again or if he gets better and I become not as aggravated with him. I love him very much but almost 2 years of this has brought me down so much. He talks about the day I leave him will be his last day ( saying he will do pills until he can't anymore). I used to have so many friends and so many guy friends that were like my brothers ( NO LIE, I HONESTLY HAVE GUY FRIENDS THAT LOVE ME BUT NOT MORE THAN FRIENDS ). He doesn't understand that and I have not talked to any of them in a LONG time. I'm a very loving and caring person and it hurts my feelings to leave my friends hanging like that. It makes me feel like i failed in friendship when I'm supposed to be the one that is always there. For example, I had a really good guy friend that decided to go into the marines. I have not talked to him in about a year because my boyfriend doesnt like for me to write him back when he writes me. Just last week he was sent to Afganistan. It breaks my heart because I never know what will happen to him. I never got to tell him before he left how proud I was of him or how brave he is. I had another friend names Tyler that is younger than me. He always needed to talk to me about his problems (I swear he is such a girl haha). After I started dating this guy. I stopped writing Tyler back or answering his phone calls. I've dropped so much for this one guy, Ryan, and it seems as if he has not dropped anything for me. This blog is really helping me with me stress over this for the past couple weeks and I hope someone can help me and give me advice. I've been praying about it a lot.
Thank you for reading,
jmm2455
jmm2455 jmm2455
18-21, F
May 21, 2012