How Do I Let My Heart Follow My Head ?

Frist I would like to say thank you to every may read this story . It is not made up as I wish it was , I gusses as I tell you may think this woman has issues .
Back 10 yrs ago I wrote a man in prision as a pen pale. . While we fall. And love and got married while he was still incarerated . The day he came home I was soooo happy , and he was so sweet ,kind ,loving . 3mo later he was remoldin are computor room and there was a letter from a nother man .when he was locked up I cheated on line with another man. He had sent me a card . This was the start of the abuse . My husban held in are trailer threating and abusing me for 24 hrs . The next day. I left and stay in a shelter , this cycle went on for a. Year . I stop going back but countined trying to get. Things better for us or him he was now addicted to crack. He was arrested 5times for voliation of ofp do to he would threaten me when I was at work. I had him committed to a mental treatment center for 6 mo . Help him get. In to differnt sober houses . The threates countinued so did his drug use. While my day issue is . 2 mo ago he chocked me till I passed out and threated to drag me in the woods . He stuck his fingers in me and told me I was fucken nother man. I pleaded and reason with him ,he then allowed me to leave I had to go to work.I went right to the police . He went on the run and go. Pick up on another charge , the Monday be for he choked me on Friday. He is accused of sexula assulting a stranger . He. Is now in jail on that ,he says it is not him . It truleyy don't seem like some thing he would do . He wants me to get a lawyer for him . I don't have 5000.00 for a lawyer . He tells me that I must not care what happens to. Him, that how can I leave him with no one and being his wife should do everything possiable to help him on the case he did not do . My heart achs cause I can't come with the money and feel like it is my fault . If I did not call the police he won't of been homeless on the run . What do I do? How do I stop hurting for his pain ?

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Jan 10, 2013