Confused And Miserable?

I am 10 yrs married with 2 beautiful children.  I am just wondering how could someone hurt the one they love.   I recently found out that my husband is having conversation with his ex-girlfriend.  But what's wrong about it is that he's saying that he still loves the girl from the letter I discovered.  Although, he informs the girl that she chose the wrong decision when she left him. But I am wondering, is't possible that we're married and he still loves his ex-girlfriend?  I really don't know it because he's my first and last....hopefully!  And one thing more about my hubby.  He entertains ladies who show interest on him.  I see it as flirting although not too vulgar.  I think he likes it but he's telling me that there's no problem. It's me who has a problem. It gets into my nerves.  He said that I'm always too jealous.  He tries to avoid of making me jealous by hiding things from me.  Which makes me more upset.  Because for me he's becoming dishonest to our relationship.

Sometimes I feel tired of what's happening between us.  But I can't leave because I got kids and I love him very much.  But it's becoming unhealthy for me, our relationship, and for my family.  I don't know what to do anymore.

I'm such a miserable person!

Could you comment on this? Especially, to those people who also experience the same thing.  I really want to know what's going on with my life. These things that are happening to me are like ghosts that goes into my mind even when I'm busy or at bedtime.  It's a crazy thing that's hacking my life but all I can do right now is ignore it. Which makes me weak.  Hmmm....I just want to hear from other people.  Because I'm not the type of person who share personal problems to close friends. 

c2528 c2528
31-35, F
3 Responses Dec 2, 2009

examine his activity carefully. figure out exactly what is incorrect. recheck it to be confirmed. ask him politely to refrain that incorrect which might be right for him but you dont like.
give him time and you wait for his decision. if he respect your wish, love him more and more.
if he chose to cross the line. this shows he doesnt care for you. Now its your turn, slowly slow you can reduce bodily activity with him, while maintaining all good things. let him know you also can withdraw your love if he doesnt respect your wish. dont create wordly fight but slow action fight. things may resume soon if he is really interested. otherwise you have choise to decide where you get peace. nirmal indore india

The only thing which you need, is a healthy conversation with your husband. May be he wont understand the things right away but a day will definitely come when he will come back to you, honestly. Till then, you need to have patience, Remember, only your love can bring him back to you. There is no other option.<br />
All the best.

Hi, I will share a story with you from my past in which I was the other side of your dilema but with many minor differences. Maybe you can take something from it. Also I need to talk about it and like you can not go there with my close friends.<br />
I was married for 6 years to a beautiful woman and I admit I strayed couple of times but the guilt never stopped eating me. I buried it and she never new but I realised that if I truly loved her like I said in my vows then I would not be continuing to have these intense desires, in spite of a very active and adventurous sex life. I realised that it had to end at some point but she fell pregnent and things seemed to change. But not for long. I left her for a mutual friend while she was pregnant and have hated myself ever since. i was nearly suicidal and sunk into a deep depression filled with regret, self loathing and self pity. I am recovering, am a better man now but will always carry the burden of my actions and the loss of so many moments with my growing boy.<br />
2 key things I learned from this experience are: Listen to you instincts, they are usually right - I knew for the last 2 years that things were not working but was too weak, scared and confused to act. She knew that things were going on but refused to acknowledge them or chose to interpret them in the best light possible. The other thing I truly believe is that sometimes you need to sacrafice some dignity and take time and endure an unfair relationship temporarily for the sake of the children. Not forever but so that things can end in the best possible way they can. <br />
<br />
If you make a change or it ends, throw yourself into something new, creative and inspiring and become a powerful independant woman. Real men love that.<br />
<br />
Remember that deep down you are strong - my ex has grown so much strength through the experience, and a little hardness, sadness in here eyes too. That best thing for the children is that you are both happy. Together or apart. And that you both want the best for them and can amicably negotiate the right outcomes.

nice that a man can admit this, one whos had affairs. hopefully someone can come and ease the pain from her eyes.