Hopeless

Love. Because of that, we're ignorant of the outcome and our surroundings. I can't even define it anymore. Anyhow, I'm 14 years old, and here's another teenage 'love cycle' story.

After that "love triangle" and choosing the wrong guy, I chose (let's call him) Sunflower. rofl :) He had this amazing hot asian guy hair. His style makes him very distinguish. At first, I never thought of him as anything. I had no intention of falling for him. I had no intention of ever being with him. I had no intention to be acquainted with him. Basically, he was a speck of dust when I first met him. But that speck of dust was pretty cute :)

He added me on facebook one day. I was very surprised. I knew he had a girlfriend at the time. His older brother was dating my friend so she tells me everything. BTW, he's 4..or 5 years older than I am. -------Anyhow, I confirmed the request. I few days later, I said hi to him on chat. We both talked. It was sorta formal..sorta friendly...ish. He gave me a nickname and everything. Now, he was a brother to me. After that day, he told his best friend about me. He said that I was pretty cute and he gave me a nickname and everything. His friend told me that he might be delirious about me.  I just laughed and moved on. (ohh let's call his best friend.. Sun lolol)

Those few months were amazing. I've never felt so included in many things and events. So one day, I introduced my cousin to Sunflower. Immediately... she fell for him. She even dumped her boyfriend just to be with him. She lived in another state...so it was somewhat backstabbing to me. She didn't want to hurt me. I loved my cousin..very much. I missed her and I even loved her more than sunflower. Her feelings, however..took over. Although she knew that she wanted him, she wanted to set him up with me and get over it. One night, I had a convo with him on chat:

Me: Hey I noticed that your status was that you were in a relationship. :)))

Sunflower: oh. I never change it. She dumped me..she was confused about her life or something.

Me: Oh.. I'm sorry. :( Do you like anyone though?

Sunflower: Actually..I do.

Me: Oh really? HAHA Whooo? I can help you get the girl. :)

Sunflower: Ummmmmm...I think i can handle that by myself LOL

Me: Just tell meee~ I'm your little sisterrr haha

Sunflower: Take a guess.

Me: Is it my ..cousin? HMM? LOL (see how oblivious I am?)

(I was REALLY curious on who he liked so I asked my cousin to SQUEEEEZE it out of him. haha And she eventually did..and surprisingly..it was me.)

Sunflower: nope.

Me: What's she like?

Sunflower: OH the girl I like? yeahh she's a pretty big loser. lol

Me: LOL that's MEANN~ i'm sure She'll like you back. :)

Sunflower: what makes you say that?

Me: because you're a good person. :]

After my cousin told me that Sunflower liked me............

Me: OHHH now I know who you like.

Sunflower: oh really? Who? HMM?

Me: ......you tell me.

Sunflower: no.

Me: how come?

Sunflower: because I don't want it to be awkward.

Me: Is it me?

Sunflower: yeahh.. *signs off*

 

After that day..... I was in shock. How could someone WAYYYY out of my league like someone like me? After a few months, I've developed feelings for him. I rejected him at first..but then...I came back. At the time, he fell for my cousin..which was a bummer so I gave up on everything. Then ....a few months later..he came back to me. And so did his ex girlfriend. My cousin had given up on him and fell for another guy. On Valentine's day, I gave him a card. I even called him too. He said that he couldn't stop reading it. He pats my head (because he knows that I like guys who do pat my head like a liddo kid) haha. I couldn't like him anymore. I loved him.

His friends didn't approve because I was WAY TOO YOUNG for him. But they don't know me. I'm very insightful; both in a negative and positive way. I think of the outcome before I make the choice. For the second time in my life have I felt LOVE and a close attatchment to one person.

HOWEVER, that's his first face. What I mean is that he has many sides/faces. He says he's shy...but he's a real flirt. He's a playboy. and from his ex girlfriend who's been with him for 2 year's perspective, I was just another girl whom he has played. She was jealous of me at first, then told me to go for it..and now... she and Sunflower got back together. *sigh* I was played. he left without a word. His ex girlfriend though, is very nice. I really liked her. She gave me a chance. She didn't take my first impression as a troublemaker. Maybe she knew that I wouldn't last with him.

 

Right now. He's been avoiding me. My heart feels empty. He sees me..but he never comes up and says hi. I don't think he still has feelings for me anymore. I've never cried so much for another individual before. I've never had him cross my mind more than 10 times a day and I wonder if I ever cross his. I wonder what he thinks of me now. I wonder what his friends have told him to make him move on from me.

I loved him very much. I've prayed for him and his life..somehow hoping he would change and somehow hoping that he would come back to me. I knew I had to let him go. I knew I had to focus on my school and grades. I sit at my sanctuary (my church) and prayed for hours and hours for him.

He left me without a word. It was wrong. It was wrong to love him. It was wrong to even meet him. It was wrong to make memories with him. As much as I miss him, I knew it's time to let go and let him be. I'm hopeless.

Rain72 Rain72
18-21, F
Mar 14, 2010